Hahaha I honestly laughed for about five minutes at this. Well done, sir.
But in all seriousness OP, ignore all these other stupid comments. I totally know where you're coming from looking for a new style. I think next year I'm gonna go with the trash bag look. Slip a large, 55 gallon trash bag over your head and punch holes through the sides and the top for your arms and head. Be quick about it though so as not to suffocate yourself.
Should end up looking something about like this
PROS:
-Waterproof
-Baggy to improve your steeze
-Damned original
CONS:
-Contracting every STD in the book because you just cant keep the bitches off of your dick