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A Dilemma - Input please

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Spinoza
Posts: 12763 - Karma: 3,846
So, I have a dilema and i want some suggestions on how to approach it. ill try to get to the point, its a complicated situation.

I'm about to turn 23 years old. I was raised Catholic by a Catholic family. Extremely Catholic Grandparents on both sides, Parents are too, but not as into it as my Gparents. But since going to college, like many of you I have developed my own opinion and theory on the matter. Ive decided that Im not a Catholic. But when it comes to church, ill still make the effort for the sake of my family. I go on Christmas and Easter, and ALWAYS when my Grandpa is around. He is the ultimate: prays multiple times a day, Grand Puba of the Knights of Columbus, charity work, etc. I go because i dont want to dissappoint him. I dont want him feeling bad about me not going to church so i go.

So i just got a call from my 13 year old cousin, who also shares this grandpa. He wants me to be his 'Sponsor' for his Confirmation. (this is a ceremony for kids where they officially accept the Catholic faith, all kids do it if theyre catholic). The sponsor is meant to be a mentor, supporter, and basically like a guidance councellor for the kid. The sponsor should be a good Catholic.

So I can either:

1. accept the job, go to all the meetings and what not. Ill be his sponsor and be the 'great Catholic mentor' for him. Probably making my grandpa the happiest man in the whole damn world, and my cousin (who already loves me for taking him skiing and just hanging out etc) will have a cool cousin to help him when most kids have their grandma or fat aunt as their sponsors.
However, this option comes with me being a fraud. I will not be a genuine sponsor because i wont believe it. But i know i can fake it 100%. I dont know if i should, it seems to be kindof wrong. It may not be objectively wrong to 'fake to be a Catholic', but in the end I wouldnt be genuine.
Normally i would say 'who cares how you get there, so long as the results are met without any negative results'. but this one is tricky.

2. I reject the offer. This would be the honest choice, but it would have repercussions. Disappointing basically everyone in my family. It also includes pretty much telling my grandpa and cousin that im not a Catholic which i do not want to do. Or i could reject it by lying and saying im too busy, but thats hardly a credible excuse.

so. give me some opinions please

Dec 18 2012 7:33PM
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Funkadelic
Posts: 1967 - Karma: 391
Just do it, it's not a big deal. The kid's probably going to realize the whole thing is a joke when he gets old enough to think for himself anyway. Just play along. It can't be that much effort.
Dec 18 2012 7:38PM
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Barefootin_Fiend
Posts: 7618 - Karma: 4,727
do it, dude. you sound like you're smart enough to know that most religion is somewhat of a fraud anyway, so I don't see the problem. lil' taste of their own medicine....and you appease everyone in your family. really no loss in the situation.
Dec 18 2012 7:40PM
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Squeenerd
Posts: 731 - Karma: 186
^worst answers I've ever read.

Anyways, OP, just be honest. Obviously religion means a lot to your cousin, and faking it and having him find out eventually would suck, he'd possibly lose trust in you etc. Yeah your family probably won't take it too well. But its your life, not theirs. It seems that your cousin views you as an excellent friend and role model. If you honestly say (in a nice, non-degrading way) that you don't believe in the teachings, your cousin might be sad now but he might realize when he's older that it's more important to be truthful and honest. Hopefully your family will see it the same way. Good luck man
Dec 18 2012 9:05PM
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Dr.Dealgood
Posts: 2587 - Karma: 1,352
This is hard. Generally, I prefer honesty in these sorts of situations. And usually I think I would argue that this is an unfortunate circumstance that is calling for you to be honest and candid far before you were prepared to.

But.

I think in many ways your recent feelings could actually be incredibly beneficial to your cousin. I grew up going to church but for many reasons stopped going and don't consider myself religious, spiritual?--sure to an extent. But this isn't about me. My point though, is that your uncertainty is really important here. Not just because what it would mean to your family, but because nearly everyone I've been close to has moments in their life where they want to walk away from religion or find themselves welcoming it. I imagine that your younger cousin will, at some point, have a crisis of faith. You will be the most well equipped person to help him/her deal with this.

I think you should really probe what you think about Catholicism and religion. Try not to think about it terms of right or wrong, but get an understanding of how you personally feel. It may be good to talk with cousin privately (a day of skiing perhaps!) about how one's relationship with God can change and shift over time and that having those feelings doesn't make you a worse person. It means you're curious and open minded--and that's a good thing in life.
Dec 18 2012 9:16PM
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Kekambas.
Posts: 904 - Karma: 485
I'd assume being in college you don't go to church, maybe going to these meetings and everything will somehow not only help him but also help you find what you're looking for.  If you end up doing it, you shouldn't go in with the attitude of "this is bullshit but i can fake it" maybe try to understand or something, i don't know.  Maybe actually give it a shot, obviously people believe it for a reason. 

Who knows.  Just saying, if you're going to do it why not give it a try.
Dec 18 2012 9:25PM
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MathClassStiffy
Posts: 133 - Karma: 196
broooo get high then do it
Dec 18 2012 9:28PM
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CheddarJack
Posts: 5203 - Karma: 7,380
Just ask yourself....

What Would Jesus Do?
Dec 18 2012 9:29PM
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Shukovski
Posts: 470 - Karma: 433
I would never help with what is basically indoctrination.
Dec 18 2012 9:30PM
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Astomp
Posts: 10090 - Karma: 344
You're a cheaster goer.
Dec 18 2012 9:35PM
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daannnnieel
Posts: 5163 - Karma: 4,293
If I were you, I would do it. I hate being labeled a 'let down,' or 'a disappointment.'
Dec 18 2012 9:42PM
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De-Clan
Posts: 1920 - Karma: 3,696
I was recently confirmed and i know this is different because i am 17 and ur cousin is 13 so i have my own opinions on the church, the sponsor doesnt have to do much, just do it, u can show him how to be a good person, u dont need to point in him in the direction his faith is. I would just do it. Be a utilitarian, do the greatest thing for the greatest number of people dont be selfish and only think about yourself, ive been thinking that way for a while now and life's pretty good
Dec 18 2012 9:43PM
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Funkadelic
Posts: 1967 - Karma: 391
" It seems that your cousin views you as an excellent friend and role model."

Exactly, that's why I think he should do it. You can be an excellent friend and role model without being religious. Just because this has to do with the catholic church doesn't mean he should turn down an opportunity to be a role model for someone he cares about.
Dec 18 2012 9:58PM
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Barefootin_Fiend
Posts: 7618 - Karma: 4,727
yeah, because honesty is ALWAYS the best policy. ALWAYS.
Dec 18 2012 10:10PM
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Davin
Posts: 669 - Karma: 354
I go to a catholic high school and have seen people go through confirmation. Its a big deal and from what i understand i think that the opportunity allows you to be a role model for him. you are not completely lieing to him, you can be there to support his beliefs. I attend mass whenever our school has it even though i am not religious. I feel that it allows you to support others who do believe. i would say go for it.
Dec 18 2012 11:07PM
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cornholio
Posts: 3952 - Karma: 3,057
i would do it. keeps everyone happy and makes life simpler.

i dont remember shit about my sponsor or what we talked about or even what happened in my confimation. i've rarely been to church since (christmas, easter if im with the parents). i don't think being his sponsor is that big of a deal, he might just be looking for someone cool to go through it with. maybe if he's super religious he'll think you're a let down, but odds are he isn't and everyone will think you're cool for doing it
Dec 18 2012 11:47PM
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dan1080
Posts: 1293 - Karma: 913
just do it. i was raised catholic and got confirmed and all that shit. since, i have formed my own opinions about religion and everything and still consider myself catholic and all even though i rarely go to church(and dont agree with everything in the catholic faith). my sponsor was my uncle and ever since being confirmed its not like its anything that hardcore that you have to be in their life for and nothing has really changed. overall, not that big of a deal so w.e
Dec 18 2012 11:51PM
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timmi
Posts: 12874 - Karma: 3,460
Essentially at this point man, you rejecting the offer would ruin the kids faith. If he looks up to you the way it sounds, not doing it would influence him. Go and do it, keep your opinions to yourself and let the young guy come to his own conclusions in time the way I'm assuming the vast majority of our generation will.

I'm not a religious person, but I have been confirmed. I wasn't completely sure about it, but I did it because it would make my parents happy.
Dec 19 2012 12:01AM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51603 - Karma: 161,851
That's a tough one op. I feel for you. For me I would just be honest. Especially when I'm supposed to be mentoring somebody else into the religion. That's just me though. I really can't blame you if you want to let your grandpa think you're still the wonderful religious kid he sees.


Do whatever you feel is best. Way the pros and cons, neither side is without their downsides.


Good luck man. For real. Religion can be a tough one to get around. I just avoid the topic with relatives.(whole family is super super religious)

Dec 19 2012 12:03AM
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volvotom
Posts: 2045 - Karma: 712
I was raised Catholic and have had my struggles with faith.

I was the sponsor for a close family friend's son.

There were a few meetings I had to go to, but it was more about sharing your own struggles with and understandings of faith and helping them to achieve that than really about driving the faith into them.
Dec 19 2012 12:19AM
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steezywannabeezy
Posts: 990 - Karma: 690
2. It's the right thing to do. Just tell him you don't feel comfortable doing it. He can find someone else.
Dec 19 2012 12:26AM
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Randy_Marsh
Posts: 253 - Karma: 35
Do it be a good family member. Sponsors don't do all that much. make your family happy and just be a positive role model for your cousin. you don't hve to focus on the religious aspect.
Dec 19 2012 1:07AM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51603 - Karma: 161,851
A lot of pushy people in both directions.

"Just do it and be a good family member"

That means pretending to be something he's not just to please his family, also being fake in terms of mentoring his cousin in a faith he doesn't actually believe.

"Tell them the truth because it's the right thing to do"

His family and his grandpa might not dig it. Is it really that big of a deal to just pretend to be a good religious kid for 2 meeting and mentor his cousin?



Idk, I can see both sides. It would be hard to blame somebody for going either direction. He just needs to do what ever he feels is right for him. Weigh the options and see where everything comes out. Good luck op
Dec 19 2012 1:44AM
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Dr.Dickless
Posts: 2620 - Karma: 1,392
agreed, first prize

Click for larger image
Dec 19 2012 2:41AM
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JakeAssBeatClap
Posts: 6673 - Karma: 2,537
If I was in your position I wouldn't do it.

I was raised in an Irish Catholic family. My grandpa is a religious guy, but no one ever pushed it. My parents made us go to church when we were little but it was sporadic. I was in 2nd grade and i was in sunday school for the first time, and about halfway through the year my sunday school teacher smacked me in the head when i colored jesus green and gave him antennas in a catholic coloring book. I was immediately pulled out. Then we stopped going to church until my 6th grade year, and then i was put into sunday school again and this time i realllllly hated it and i was a very short walk from the skatepark. I would tell my parents i was going to sunday school but i was actually going skating. My sister got confirmed, when i was asked if i wanted to be confirmed i said no fucking way.

I recently told my dad (within the past year) that I didn't believe in god. He didn't like hearing it but it's fine, we just don't talk about it you know? he believes in something that i don't and i believe in something he doesn't. but Isn't that part of religion? accepting others with different ideals as people and treating them with respect.

I'd say, if you really wanna do the right thing you would stick to your beliefs be honest with your cousin and tell him you aren't a man of catholic faith and that you would feel wrong being his sponsor. It would get to your grandpa I'm sure and maybe he would have a literal come to jesus meeting, he may get pissed and never speak to you again, or he would be a good religious man and accept you for who you are and not try to convince you to believe in something just because he thinks its right.

Thats what frustrates me about some religious people. it's their way or no way. I have seen kids who have been shunned by members of their family because they denounce the faith of the family and that is straight up fucked. If you think this may happen to you, i'd say bite the bullet and sponsor your cousin, its not worth jeopardizing your relationship with them. If you think your family will be like whatever my faith doesn't have to be yours then i'd say don't sponsor him.

When it all comes down to it, you come into this world alone, and you leave alone. No one else's beliefs effect where you think you're going when you're dying, all that matters is what you believe.If your grandad believes he is gonna go to heaven and see god, pal around with his friends who passed away and hit the back 9 on one of 500,000,000 golf courses in heaven then so be it. If you believe when you die that you're gonna go to a place where there is a bunch of hot chicks and weed then there you go. What I am saying is people should respect your beliefs because you are your own person, you don't need to believe what anyone else believes because who cares. In the end it's you and no one else.
Dec 19 2012 3:42AM
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