Replying to Alcoholism

Does anyone struggle with it? I'm not a hand sanitizer drinking or put a shot in my coffee every morning, but I definitely think I overdo it at times. I'm 22, and often revert to the fact that oh im in college, this is normal, but I don't know if its just an excuse I'm making for myself. Just seeing if anyone on here ever feels the same. I wrote this in my notes monday during class, and my professor found it and asked me about it and it made me think.

well here it is for anyone thats interested:


I sit here with a few inches left in the ever so familiar bottle of Jack Daniels that my legs are straddling. I’m having trouble focusing on the pixels and airwaves coming out of the box on the wall. Nick Swardson, or Katt Williams. Something like that. Dominoes pizza shrapnel and my Xanax prescription litter my sticky coffee table. Just another collegiate night in hazy paradise right? Not exactly. It’s Tuesday, and in ten more minutes I’ll have to peel myself out of the indent of my couch and take a shower. Class. I’ve successfully spent the entire night sitting here, thinking about all the things that I need to accomplish and not getting any of it done. The more I put it off the deeper hole I dig. It’s like knowingly walking further into the ocean, knowing full well that you’re not a good swimmer. Proficient. You could save a toddler. But now you’re starting to lose sight of the land behind you. You can’t see people running on the beach, you’ve got water on all four sides, and you’ve done it to yourself. My ocean is twice distilled and 80 proof. On paper I’m your average college fuck up who can’t seem to get it all together, but I often fear that it could be more than that. I just pray that I’m wrong. I don’t want to have to have a handful of silver bullets to sing me a lullaby every night. I don’t want to take a pill to stop my heart from beating out of my chest when I’m having a sober enough moment to acknowledge all the things I’m afraid of.