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March, 2025

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YO NS I need some Christmas jokes A$AP

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jorb.co
Posts: 2581 - Karma: 468
I'm gonna emcee my high school band concert in 2 hours and need some chrizmiz jokes, riddles, one liners, etc.. Dirty, sexy, corny, cheesy, lame IDGAF just lay em on me
12 years ago
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Jeebus.
Posts: 4904 - Karma: 5,823
If you're asking NS for jokes to use, i think they picked the wrong person to emcee, maybe they should've gone with someone funny.
12 years ago
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chilling
Posts: 83 - Karma: 10
"Im gay.....jokingly"

seriously this thing works. it jump-started my career in entertainment
12 years ago
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Miomo
Posts: 4302 - Karma: 14,137
What did the girl with no arms and no legs get for christmas?

A pool.
12 years ago
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BolderPro
Posts: 767 - Karma: 426
what did the kid with no hands get for xmas... gloves, just kidding he hasnt opened his present yet
12 years ago
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jorb.co
Posts: 2581 - Karma: 468
I'm funny in the "everyone thinks I'm weird but the fat girls laugh at my jokes" kind of way
12 years ago
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roddy116
Posts: 10653 - Karma: 7,720
what did the baby get for his first christmas





















nothing




























he was aborted
12 years ago
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Steeze_Irwin
Posts: 161 - Karma: 218
i got a few.. but i'd rather wait until after 2 hours to tell u
12 years ago
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Miomo
Posts: 4302 - Karma: 14,137
What's red and creeping up your leg?

A homesick abortion.
12 years ago
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Forcillo
Posts: 3801 - Karma: 3,580
This.

for this reason I will not give you a suggestion. You don't want it.
12 years ago
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Jeebus.
Posts: 4904 - Karma: 5,823
I laughed, i approve.
12 years ago
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Barefootin_Fiend
Posts: 7618 - Karma: 4,727

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
everyone felt shitty, even the mouse!

Dad's at the whore house & Mom's smoking grass,
and I just settled down for a nice piece of ass.

Then out on the lawn there rose such a clatter,
I sprang from my piece to see what was the matter.

He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell,
I knew right away that fat fucker fell.

He filled all the stockings with pretzels and beer,
and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.

He rose up the chimney with one hell of a fart,
that son-of-a-bitch blew my chimney apart.

He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight,
"Piss on you all and have one hell of a night."

12 years ago
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K-Dot.
Posts: 3790 - Karma: 8,337
Just tell them about your life.
12 years ago
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Steeze_Irwin
Posts: 161 - Karma: 218
like this guy?


12 years ago
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DINGWALL
Posts: 32 - Karma: 13
I have some old ass jew jokes.

guess how copper wire was invented
2 jews fighting over a penny

why did the jews spend so long wandering in the desert?
one of them dropped a quarter

how do you know you're at a jew's house for christmas?
parking meter on the roof
12 years ago
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.AR6rider.
Posts: 15976 - Karma: 8,799
The funniest joke of all:

Q: What does an NSer do when someone makes a joke thread?

A: He goes immediately to antijoke.com so he can be the first one to post the offensive ones, thinking he's clever and funny.
12 years ago
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Tall_Paul
Posts: 958 - Karma: 57
What did the kid with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer :-)
12 years ago
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jet_
Posts: 89 - Karma: 131
i guess i'll just give you my favorite offensive joke

Why do they make the Quran out of hemp?
Because if you burn it, you get stoned.
12 years ago
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Bumblesteeze
Posts: 3092 - Karma: 748
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
- Frostbite

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
- Snowflakes

12 years ago
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kvan
Posts: 3086 - Karma: 1,232
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?

Santa stopped after the 3rd ho.
12 years ago
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steezywannabeezy
Posts: 990 - Karma: 690
Why did the reindeer tackle Santa?

Because he was Blitzen.


What's the difference between Santa and Michael Jackson?

Documentation.

12 years ago
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oil.
Posts: 2255 - Karma: 1,257
what did the orphan get for christmas? a new foster family
12 years ago
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SupaHotFire
Posts: 356 - Karma: 104
My girlfriend wanted a watergun for christmas. So I peed in her butt.
12 years ago
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theater.thug
Posts: 441 - Karma: 671
What did superman say the night he decided to overcome his weakness AND join a gang?


Im going to be a kryptonite
12 years ago
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_____alfredo____
Posts: 1123 - Karma: 2,503
good one
12 years ago
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EmperorKuzco
Posts: 6660 - Karma: 256
What did the homeless man get for christmas?

Nothing, but he did purchase whiskey with the little money he had to drink away his misery, and to suppress his suicidal thoughts that were a result of his alcoholism which stemmed from his father's abusive nature.
12 years ago
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K-Dot.
Posts: 3790 - Karma: 8,337
My good pal schoolboy q has a lyric for that: "Feeling like superman
I might crip tonight"
From his song Sacriligious
12 years ago
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MNS
Posts: 5386 - Karma: 3,241
potentially the worst joke i've ever heard
12 years ago
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RubberSoul
Posts: 11249 - Karma: 14,642
big points to this guy for the only xmas joke in the thread
12 years ago
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Colin@injured
Posts: 600 - Karma: 307
classic dumb
what kind of shoes do spies wear? Sneakers
12 years ago
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