Replying to The Weak giveaway submission

If you didn't already know, Ian Compton is giving away some Orage outerwear and a Weak hoodie for the best response to why you enjoy watching The Week. I'm posting this because 1), I thought it was somewhat funny, and 2) my comment on the video is all screwed up, so I'm going to comment a link to here so it's readable.

I watch The Weak because it’s good

I watch The Weak because I should

Those ice coast jibbers sure know how to play

And it’s no surprise that this Christmas is a Tuesday

I’ve seen them all, to my great satisfaction

But for El Weakling, I have a suggestion

At the opening segments of every show

We see who sponsors Ian in the snow

LINE, Orage, Full Tilt, too

No wonder he’s part of the TC Crew

Those companies keep him wild and free

But I think he could rock a new name: Crest or Oral B

He’d flash even more smiles, atop those Carinthian skis

And all of the ladies would say, “Oh, Ian. You’re such a tease.”

White as the snow, straight as a rail

That lovely grill is cute as HAIL!

Beaming Julia Roberts will be put to shame

When the east coast kid is at the top of his game

If you put him next to Miley Cyrus

You’d think she contracted a rare oral virus

When I brish and brush and recite my ABC’s

I’d imagine my hero in all of his pearly steeze

When my teeth turn yellow from eating boiled goose eggs

I’d chug some mouthwash and dream of Tuesdays

When Kiwi meat pies are laden with sauce

Will and Andy could use Ian’s signature floss

I can see it now, the posing and the winking

The dictionary changing, “tooth” to “weakling”

The Chompton tour, overbooked with dates

Paparazzi chasing, after a grin on snow skates

The smile guru, jedi, undisputed master

With a smooth, sleek, one-footed disaster

The seductive grab, by the Chronic lover

Mass produced, on the Rolling Stone cover

I bet if you researched, Compton’s genealogy

You’d find Mona Lisa, in his family tree.

Just think of the possibilities, what this sponsorship could be

After that, gimme my limited edition Weak hoodie

P.S. I’m a poor, poor college student rocking $20 ski bibs from Walmart. Have pity on my soul.