Kind of cliché to say this on NS, but skiing is what gave me that motivation to not fall again.
I've been there.. and the hardest part was to fight alone. Even now, writing this is kind of difficult because I never ever wanted attention off people. Looking back now, I think I didn't want people to know that I was depressed because I didn't want any help. It's like.. I didn't want to admit that I was having a hard time, I could not even tell myself that there was something wrong. However, the problem was real and it did catch me after months of denial.
I could not sleep. Dressing up in the morning was a big deal. I started to isolate myself, then I lost friends.. There was something wrong with me, I could not recognize myself in what I was doing. And then came the day of my first attempt, 2 weeks later I tried again. Nobody ever knew. Both times were in my room and nobody happened to find me committing. My parents don't and will never know anything about it, it's something I dealt with and I don't want to relate them and make them upset.
BUT
In the summer following these attempts, I got to talk about my problems with two close friends. I can't tell how light my shoulders were when I got that weight off. That day I went out of the void and found a reason of life.
It then started to get better.. I realised that I had to set goals, be true to my passions and most of all, seize the day. I didn't know about Carpe Diem at the time, but I guess it's the way I oriented and live my life nowaday.
However, demons of the past are never far away and it can be hard to deal with from time to time. That's why having passions and objectives is so important to keep a maximum of motivation and good energy.
Bottomline. If you're having a hard time in whatever, you must speak to someone. Anyone. I was too proud to admit there's was something wrong and it almost cost me life. If you wait too long, the problem will just get bigger and nobody can't handle such weight. Give yourself a chance and ask for help.
