always find suicide fascinating, as in the psychology around it. reading some of the stories on here intrigues me for some reason. ive never come close to suicide but have had struggles with depression that i hid and never told anyone about. i thought a lot about suicide (not actually committing it, just what it would be like) and i know i would never have the courage do something like that. i can't imagine doing something like that to my family.
i've heard the debate a lot about how someone with depression/suicidal thoughts needs to just get out and go on a crazy adventure and just break their routine, and i TOTALLY agree with it. yes their mentality wont work that way, maybe they need to be forced, but for some it can work. it worked for me!
i struggled sooooo much in highschool with friends and just finding acceptance. I came to college expecting things to be different, and they were for a while. freshman year was fun, made a lot of friends, but sophomore year everything just sorta fell apart. Last year was probably the worst time in my life. Every action i made was watched and judged by other kids at my school. I go to a conservative christian college, its small, and i think most people know or have heard of me. as soon as a feel people found out that i enjoyed going out on the weekends and having a few beers and maybe a smoke every now and then, i instantly lost half of my friends. i tried hard to fit in and be accepted by people, and got let down all the time. over this past year i have learned to completely not give a single fuck what people think about me. life has been so much happier now.
also, this past semester i have been studying abroad in France, and it is the BEST thing thats ever happened to me. I can't tell you how happy i've been here, not a single moment of depressed feelings or anything. Its been fucking awesome! I'm really excited to get home and see family and friends, but im gonna miss europe and i cant wait to get back here. school next semester is gonna suuuuuck.
sorry for the rant and for getting off topic, just felt good to write this out