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Help me annoy the shit out of my rude sister

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TechnoPotamus
Posts: 11626 - Karma: 3,522
Hey ladies and gentlemen,

So every morning at 7 fuckin a.m., I wake up to the disgusting and vile sound of my sister hawking loogies and spitting/clearing her throat, whatever you wanna call it. She smokes like a chimney, and has horrible lungs because of it. This is not a legitimate medical issue, this is something idiotic that she has brought upon herself.

It goes on for about 5 minutes straight, at which point I'm wide awake, grossed out, and annoyed.

Now then, on the weekends, she likes to sleep in till noon. NOT ANY FUCKING MORE. I've decided that until she stops doing her gross routine, I'll make sure I wake her hungover ass up at 8 a.m. every day that she tries to sleep in.


I need ideas for annoying noises to blast in her direction when I wake up, whether it's a great audio clip of somebody else hawking loogies, or horses naying, or whatever you can come up with. GIVE ME YOUR BEST, MOST ANNOYING SOUNDS AND IDEAS

TL;DR - sister wakes me up every morning by spitting in sink and being gross, how can I annoy the shit out of her and wake her up to get revenge?
Nov 29 2012 9:25AM
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squashmosh
Posts: 632 - Karma: 565
Why don't you ask her nicely to stop being so loud in the morning because it is disrespectful of you while you're trying to sleep. Also explain to her that you understand she has an addiction and that it is bad for her health. Offer your support to her if she needs help quitting.

Just an idea.
Nov 29 2012 9:31AM
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JamieOBalls
Posts: 159 - Karma: 13
Get some dildos and just throw them at her while she's sleeping. My mom has been using dilds to wake me up since 4th grade
Nov 29 2012 9:32AM
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2_fadez
Posts: 7780 - Karma: 4,183
Play lexington steele monologues
Nov 29 2012 9:34AM
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TechnoPotamus
Posts: 11626 - Karma: 3,522
It is a great idea, and I've tried this approach about 5-10 times at least now. She snaps at me and says she "can't help it" and then continues to do it. I should've have mentioned I tried the polite and mature way of dealing with this first. It simply won't work.


So now we must resort to more drastic measures.


THE PUNISHMENT MUST BE MORE SEVERE

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Nov 29 2012 9:36AM
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TechnoPotamus
Posts: 11626 - Karma: 3,522
should've*


and it's not cigarettes, it's weed. so this is truly a stupid problem and not a true addiction anyway
Nov 29 2012 9:37AM
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SirBooley
Posts: 768 - Karma: 353
Play this background music:

While doing this at 0:30



That would be a really unpleasant wake up call. lol

Nov 29 2012 9:51AM
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timmi
Posts: 12874 - Karma: 3,460
Buy like 10 cheap digital watches. Set the alarms at 10 minute intervals and hide them throughout her room. If you can, put one under the floorboard.
Nov 29 2012 9:52AM
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BrewskiJr
Posts: 5738 - Karma: 1,478
Porn sounds on loud. Also, nyan cat for 10 hours
Nov 29 2012 9:58AM
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Bonzalo
Posts: 2593 - Karma: 1,812
.
Nov 29 2012 10:00AM
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Mr.Sloth
Posts: 5091 - Karma: 13,469
Piss on her.


 
Nov 29 2012 10:01AM
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Round-Four
Posts: 1073 - Karma: 174
play this video though some speakers and make your sister think shes listening to her brother fapping.

Nov 29 2012 10:02AM
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alvy.
Posts: 2134 - Karma: 377
Mudkip saying mudkip on repeat for 10 hours
Nov 29 2012 10:03AM
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brotherdad
Posts: 2076 - Karma: 13,067
Hire a midget marching band
Nov 29 2012 10:08AM
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Stickity
Posts: 7750 - Karma: 769
airhorn because it wakes anyone the fuck up and is annoying as hell

blast violent porn audio in her room

that fucking numa numa song

i like whoever said throw dildos

spray her with febreeze until she wakes up
Nov 29 2012 11:16AM
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no_steeze
Posts: 23992 - Karma: 4,272
take a shit in your hand and smear it all over your body. then vomit on the ground and roll around in the puke and start masturbating. i don't know how or why it would wake her up but you should do it anyway
Nov 29 2012 11:24AM
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2_fadez
Posts: 7780 - Karma: 4,183
I hate you so much.
There is some girl right next to me checking me out fucking hard, and I read this and start cracking up for no reason.
And she looks at me, glances at my screen and I could fucking feel her eyes open.
Nov 29 2012 11:28AM
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JAHpow
Posts: 7282 - Karma: 17,175
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Nov 29 2012 11:31AM
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applejuice.
Posts: 5506 - Karma: 1,512
When my college neighbors used to bang and keep my up all night, I'd play turtle mating noises or the annoying girl barking with her dog on max volume. Needless to say, they stopped.
Nov 29 2012 11:31AM
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Dragonite.
Posts: 1657 - Karma: 431
Get a slide flute.
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Nov 29 2012 11:42AM
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yuck
Posts: 8384 - Karma: 2,090
last year my buddy blasted this song for 6 hours in res when he wasnt in his room, gets annoying to say the least



lean your biggest speakers against her wall
Nov 29 2012 12:15PM
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yuck
Posts: 8384 - Karma: 2,090
yuki would do the trick too



hahaahaha i cant stop laughing at that
Nov 29 2012 12:16PM
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TechnoPotamus
Posts: 11626 - Karma: 3,522
thank you all for your brilliant and disturbing suggestions.

i've learned that porn sounds, dildos, and fapping noises are apparently the go-to solution for this type of problem. although i love timmy's digital watch idea, that's brilliant but not loud enough or quite annoying enough i feel like.



Nov 29 2012 12:16PM
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*TURBONERD*
Posts: 15081 - Karma: 9,154

Or
Nov 29 2012 12:19PM
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rzarector
Posts: 590 - Karma: 70
Replace her tampons with your semen. That'll show her.
Nov 29 2012 12:30PM
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SkiThe603
Posts: 5376 - Karma: 498
put her cell number on ns
Nov 29 2012 1:25PM
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SirBooley
Posts: 768 - Karma: 353
Click for larger image
Nov 29 2012 1:28PM
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Sno.
Posts: 12155 - Karma: 6,152
This does not a multi-page thread make.
Nov 29 2012 1:29PM
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iSmokeweed
Posts: 4793 - Karma: 1,370
put snakes in her butt. shell wake up with a shit covered snake coming out of her mouth!
Nov 29 2012 1:31PM
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RoofDaRoofieDogg
Posts: 3090 - Karma: 1,989
Pics needed of said sister.
Nov 29 2012 1:32PM
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Mr.Panda
Posts: 17711 - Karma: 564
That 20 minute long MudKipz video

Find some HL of Joe Rogan screaming his head off at a UFC event going all the time (this is just annoying as shit)

Carlos Mencia's shitty jokes

Cartman's cover of Lady Gaga
Nov 29 2012 1:35PM
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El_Barto.
Posts: 11661 - Karma: 24,364
i did this in high school to my sister. i cut open her pillow and put the watch in it and the sewed it shut. went off at like 2:30am. I also turned the shower head so it was pointed at the door. she turned the water on and got sprayed.

all happened on the same day. what a terrible morning
Nov 29 2012 1:44PM
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Rosbif
Posts: 2543 - Karma: 930
Birth control sabotage... Initially not annoying, but when she gets morning sickness, she will regret fucking with you. A baby in the house would be shitty though.
Nov 29 2012 2:06PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51609 - Karma: 161,934
People are so lame.


I make shitty threads but at least I'm not an asshole.

Just fucking talk to her or deal with it.

Nov 29 2012 2:08PM
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CrotchKiller
Posts: 9037 - Karma: 6,943
oh shutup
Nov 29 2012 2:14PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51609 - Karma: 161,934
People are acting like fucking 10 year olds on here all the time.


If you're going to be a douche, at least be mildly creative yourself. I've just seen enough, "I don't like my roommate, I'm a pussy what can I do to make them cry" threads for the rest of my life.
Nov 29 2012 2:19PM
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CrotchKiller
Posts: 9037 - Karma: 6,943
I WILL SUCK YOUR DICK
Nov 29 2012 2:24PM
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El_Barto.
Posts: 11661 - Karma: 24,364
he'll do it. Hes fucking crazy.
Nov 29 2012 2:27PM
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Round-Four
Posts: 1073 - Karma: 174
yeah i hate it when people are uncreative assholes! theres nothing funny about it! https://www.newschoolers.com/ns/forums/readthread/thread_id/721447/
Nov 29 2012 2:54PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51609 - Karma: 161,934
It's funny when children try so hard on the webs. Lol at that being your basis for anything. My poorly made mock roast thread bro, get over it.


At least I'm not posting, "My friend called me a mean name, +K for advice on how to kill him because I'm a pussy and can't let it go"

bro bro bro
Nov 29 2012 3:02PM
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Round-Four
Posts: 1073 - Karma: 174
i dont think the OP here is being anymore serious in this thread than you were in your thread. i highly doubt that hes actually going to follow through with any of the advise given. hes just making a funny thread. but then abortionator gets here on his high horse and decides that he doesnt approve of this sense of humor because its not mature enough. do you see the connection im making here? youre acting like the hippo is legitimately angered by his sister, which is just stupid.
Nov 29 2012 3:50PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51609 - Karma: 161,934
Then whatever. But this thread seems to be made everyday by people who are serious. "My roomate beat me in madden, how can I ruin his life"

Didn't really read, didn't really care.

And high horse, lol.

And then you just rabble rabbled.


Hippos kill people bro
Nov 29 2012 3:56PM
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Mr_Bump
Posts: 689 - Karma: 427
you have hit your head too many times.

stop being a buzz kill please, I was enjoying reading this. its not like he's going to actually do any of it, sheesh
Nov 29 2012 4:06PM
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rzarector
Posts: 590 - Karma: 70
okay negative nancy.

it's okay for you to make ten shitty unproductive threads in a day but this one is too immature for you?
thanks for letting us know.
Nov 29 2012 4:37PM
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Bread_Fish
Posts: 760 - Karma: 71
Get an old plate and start scratching at it with a knife, right by her ear
Nov 29 2012 4:45PM
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PigBenis
Posts: 182 - Karma: 99
grab an old cardboard insert for toilet paper or something then mold it into a shit-like shape and leave it somewhere that would piss her off

or put some baby powder in her hair dryer
Nov 29 2012 4:59PM
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PigBenis
Posts: 182 - Karma: 99
my bad didnt read the thread at all disregard that shit ^
Nov 29 2012 5:01PM
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_DUSTY_
Posts: 1097 - Karma: 686
Or bleach in her shampoo.
Nov 29 2012 5:13PM
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Thadius.Castle
Posts: 1436 - Karma: 250
Pea in her but. A strong gesture, and one that say's, "hey bitch, i'll start cumming in your throat if you keep hacking shit up." Needs to be done, she'll always think of you as the alpha.
Nov 29 2012 5:30PM
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.Hugo.
Posts: 17360 - Karma: 28,484
rzarectorReplace her tampons with your semen. That'll show her.


Hahaha, brilliant!
Nov 18 2015 10:07AM
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