If you were corn
I’d call you maize
Outcry you lost
I’d seal the maze
When you were raining
I thought of Mays
If you were homophobe
I’d send the gays
To look you in the eyes
And gaily gaze
I’d make you be normal
To all the gays
If I was a lawyer,
I’d prosecute your case,
They call you Kathy Kate?
I leave out the K’s
If you gave thumbs ups
I’d wave OKs
If you were pale
I’d burn sun rays
My working employee
Forget about a raise
If you were Steve Erwin
I’d be sting rays
If you were Canadian
I’d never ask eh?s
If you were stupid
I’d make straight As
If you had a King
I would have an Ace
If you were acidic
I’d be a base
If you were the peninsulas
I’d be the bays
You hit a grounder
And I’m first base
If you were running
I’d double your pace
Barely breathing?
I’d stop your pace
If you were Obama care
I would be copays
If you were Satan
I’d sing Amazing Grace
You paint with colors
I color with grays
If you were David Copperfield
My story — Dorian Gray’s
If you were sober
I’d be blazed
You be Republican
I still be blazed
If you were Bob Marley
I wouldn’t be blazed
If you were a pledge
You’d get hazed
If you hated guitars
I’d blare Purple Haze
When you’re disoriented
I am the haze
If you sang out of key,
I probably wouldn’t be there in the first place
If you spun out,
I wouldn’t cheer you on to last place
If you were drunk,
I wouldn’t drive you place to place
But since you’re hot,
You’re welcome to stay at my place.
