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GayWolf420
June, 2025

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dontknow
Posts: 0 - Karma: 13
I've been seeing this a lot on ns and feel it's only worthy that I get a chance to do so, in hopes that I will feel a little better about myself. And yes, I am writing this from alias because I am too afraid to expose my real identity, even to an online community who probably has little regard for who I physically am.
(mods and admin will probably have no problem identifying who I truly am). oh yeah, inb4 "didn't read LOL" and all that bullshit, I would like people to keep in mind that I am a real person and what I'm writing in this post is how I really feel. whether or not you feel the need to sympathize for me is up to you, but a little respect isn't too much to ask for. If you really know who I am, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't share. I am still to this day really embarrassed by my current mental state (hence why I'm writing on an alias) and would appreciate that those who know would keep it confidential.

So basically I have been depressed for a half of a decade (I was in 9th grade at the time) I honestly have just been so fucking miserable beyond belief. Over and over again I have tried to escape from my problems in a "restart" sort of manner. I have tried picking up new hobbies, switching friend groups, taking breaks from drugs and alcohol, even moving to another state; and none of that has helped. I am still just as miserable as I was when I was about 5 years ago. I have simply become a cold-hearted human being and have no idea who I can trust anymore; I even feel uncomfortable around my parents. I'm not sure if I will ever find a way out. I've contemplated ending it all by just downing as many pills as I possibly could because I'm so miserable. I picked up filming and editing my friends skiing almost 2 years ago, and even now it has started to not bring me joy. It use to put me in a place of tranquility, but now all it does is get me made fun of. I'm not too sure why, but I guess even your own friends aren't down when you make videos of them FOR them. I would like to think I did an okay job at making those videos, but I guess most of em weren't down with the videos of them (which were getting on average about 6000-10000 views). I have literally done as much as I possibly could to be happy, but when I try to just smile now, it's a hassle. I really am not sure how much longer this bullshit can go on for

I honestly don't know what to do anymore... every day is becoming a fucking struggle. I'm not asking for any help through this post, I just feel the need to get a bunch of shit off my chest so that way I can sleep a little better at night. So thanks for giving me a chance to share about how I really feel, and I hope that none of you ever have to go through this feeling of misery like I have.,

Once again, don't give a fuck if you didn't read it
I would appreciate if mods and admin would not share my actual Identity. I understand my IP address is easily accessible and you guys would be able to find my actual account in a manner of seconds. All I ask is that you keep my real Identity confidential.
Lastly, thanks for letting me share how my feelings ns. I've been bottling up this bullshit for years now and to get it off my chest is wonderful.

Once again, don't care about your opinion. Yes, I would probably be defined as a trust fund kid, but believe it or not those who descend from high income families also have feelings too. I really just wanted to post this to get some shit on my chest. And as I read it now I feel like I did just that. Go ahead and delete it if you want mods. I got exactly what I want out of this post... So thanks for giving me the opporitunity to do so.


13 years ago
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Aiden-P
Posts: 1310 - Karma: 38

i did not read your OP good sir.

13 years ago
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daannnnieel
Posts: 5163 - Karma: 4,293
dick.
13 years ago
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SeanTom
Posts: 7936 - Karma: 1,747
Can you drive?

Go places.

It's what helped me through a similar point in my life. I found a few people worth hanging out with and whenever i had a minute i'd be gone with one of them.

13 years ago
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Dragonite.
Posts: 1657 - Karma: 431
You're a fucj
13 years ago
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Dragonite.
Posts: 1657 - Karma: 431
Shat mobile. You're a fucking asshole. And to OP, please PM me because I was recently going through something simmmilar and I can help you. (If it's ok with you)
13 years ago
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Boooshank
Posts: 1650 - Karma: 160
Dude. I think maybe you've come to terms with being the sorry for yourself kinda kid. Things might not have gone your way when you think they should of, and its sent you into a spiral of negative thoughts.

There are people out there that will value your friendship just being you.

PM me if you need someone. We all have problems. It really isn't all that bad.
13 years ago
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Hughes
Posts: 1023 - Karma: 941

13 years ago
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edai
Posts: 4995 - Karma: 4,701
I sometimes rub shit on my chest as well. No need to worry.
13 years ago
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Twinjibber77
Posts: 6239 - Karma: 2,355
13 years ago
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Splice.
Posts: 1381 - Karma: -192
Woah.

I'm sure a lot of people will be able to help you.
13 years ago
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A-Mac.
Posts: 261 - Karma: 71
+vibes man.
13 years ago
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snowmosexual
Posts: 1941 - Karma: 10,090
What you need is music, i was at a similar point in my life being bullied, and was going to kill myself but my brother stopped me. my brother than got me to listen to The Avett Brothers, and Mumford and Sons, I stopped acting like a wanna be thug and grew up. Music is the key of life because it teaches us that we are not alone.
Murder in the city by the avett brothers
Paranoia in Bb major by the avett brothers

After the storm by Mumford and sons
Ghosts that we knew by Mumford and sons

Rivers and Roads by the head and the heart

Also read the bible start with gospel of matthew and read the gospels the read the new testament, I read it and it really helped me. Start meditating too, it will bring you closer to your goals
13 years ago
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timmi
Posts: 12874 - Karma: 3,460
Have you tried going to a therapist or psychiatrist? I'm not a huge believer in pharmaceuticals but at the same time I've never been clinically depressed.
13 years ago
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.MASSHOLE.
Posts: 7583 - Karma: 12,749
Each on their own doesnt work, but combine them and you may see results.

On top of that, be active. Go run. Go to the gym. That natural highs you get from that kind of thing really help. Trust me. Nothing better than a sunny morning run.
13 years ago
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De-Clan
Posts: 1920 - Karma: 3,696
If ur friends don't appreciate you for what you do tell them to fuck off and find new friends on the hill, I garuntee whenever u ski there are kids who don't have anybody to film them and would love you if u did it for them and they prob wouldn't bitch or anything at u, u might be able to find new friends at the same time. Also music is good, hopes this might help you this winter.
13 years ago
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Flacko
Posts: 1495 - Karma: 788
ya be active, i heard of a guy who was fed up with life and one night he was so mad at everything he just started runing and he rand like 30 miles and realized he was a good runner and now his career is based around running and he loves what he does.
13 years ago
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Davin
Posts: 669 - Karma: 354
fuck anyone who is going to be putting you down. you dont need those people. you can most definetly find some good friends. be happy bro!
13 years ago
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TACO-DOG.exe
Posts: 11990 - Karma: 12,273
get a job man. do something that makes you feel a sense of accomplishment.
13 years ago
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XtRemE11
Posts: 5680 - Karma: 246
for sure, being active does a lot. when you get into a groove of doing something pretty damn active every day, after a little while you really start to feel so good. i used to be pretty meh, like could sit around for a week straight and not care to do anything. but once i started kinda working out, and doing something active like 5 days a week, now i cant stand not going out and doing things. if nobodys around to do shit with ill go on a bike ride, go run, go on a hike, go cruise in my car, work on things, etc. like if i go one day without being pretty active, i like crave it, i make myself find something.

also, eat healthy and quit drugs and alcohol. try going like a week or two just eating fruits veggies meat and water, no bread, sugar, etc.. i did it just for the hell of it and im not a morning person at all, but i found myself like shooting out of bed before the alarm at like 6:30 full of energy, it made a big ass difference.

as for drugs and alcohol, i've just seen it screw over so many of my friends, people that used to be down to do shit with me all the time, then started going to bars and now they arent willing to put in the effort to find/make their own happiness, its like they rely on the alcohol/drugs to dull their minds down to the point that it gives them a false sense of happiness. and it just becomes so much easier that finding the real thing is too hard. and you can see how their attitude has gotten more and more negative and they just get in this mopey, negative, depressed mindset thats so hard to get out of.
IMO if you cant be at your 100% happiest without a substance, you have a problem. you need to be at the point where you have the option to drink or smoke but dont want to because you are so happy with your sober state of mind.



13 years ago
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act.resist
Posts: 8875 - Karma: 513
You may have already tried this but you should go see a counselor, I did and it helped me with a lot of my problems. If you have health insurance sometimes it covers the cost. But it really seems like you need someone knowledgeable to talk to and help you figure things out.
13 years ago
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Spinoza
Posts: 12763 - Karma: 3,847
go buy a smoothie and listen to GROUPLOVE. c'mon man
13 years ago
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dompuch
Posts: 1456 - Karma: 1,209
+vibes, find new activities and forgeet what other people will say or think about you. Do what makes you happy and im sure there are tons of people that would to hang out and value you for who you are! Dont feel sorry for yourself, stay strong
13 years ago
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Aiden-P
Posts: 1310 - Karma: 38
Shut up Splice.
13 years ago
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I.B
Posts: 8137 - Karma: 24,369
Yeah op. Hit me up if need be. I feel ya. I have been there. Would love someone to talk to.
13 years ago
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Puns
Posts: 2052 - Karma: 429
I've always thought that in a large way things don't change, but how you look at them does. I hope really hard that you are able to look at things positively and share enjoyment with the great things that exist. I know how important having friends that you can talk to are, and it can be rare that you are able to really relax and be yourself which can be tiring. I support you, and I'm glad that you shared with us. Now your thoughts and feelings are a little bit outside of you and being held onto by the rest of us :)
13 years ago
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theBearJew
Posts: 10951 - Karma: 15,634
This so much.

Weve all been there. I even did this exact same thing a few months ago with an alias. I think the thread got deleted but in the end it got better. Things have happened now and im back in a rut but thats out of my control. What is helping me get though it is my bike and my feet. I have gotten into running a a lot. I am entering my first 5k soon and I'm so stoked about it. My goal is to run a marathon one day, far off I know but maybe.

Anyway back to you, get outside, nature is beautiful and when you are just out and about you learn to appreciate the little things more because you see how great the world is outside of your own. Get lost on your runs, get lost on a bike, see new places and go to new locations. Seriously, get lost as dumb as that sounds when you have no destination and when you decided you've gotten there its quite fun.

PM me if you want. Odds are I dont know you in real life so you will still be just another online kid to me. We've all been there, please dont take your life, it will get better.
13 years ago
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Hughes
Posts: 1023 - Karma: 941
best advice yet. i fucking love doing this.
13 years ago
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