Replying to How to ski above 0°C

Process analysis paper I wrote for Comp 101 class. Thought NS might find it a little entertaining.

How to Ski Above 0ºC

Everyone has some activity or pastime that they look forward to doing at every possible juncture. For some, this might be shopping, or gambling, or dancing, reading, drawing, writing, drinking, or a million other pastimes that people could choose to spend their free time on. Most hobbies that people choose to participate in aren't seasonally prohibitive; for my hobby of choice, it unfortunately is. When I first feel in love with skiing, I didn't consider the six month gap I would be forced to endure each spring, summer, and fall. It turns out though, that there are many ways to alleviate the unavoidable symptoms of skiing withdrawal. These are inevitable any time temperatures are not conducive to snowfall, which happens to be more often than not. Thankfully though, a caring individual such as myself chose to detail one particular method for getting your snow sporting on any time the temperature happens to be above freezing.
Okay, so now you have recognized your unquenchable desire to ski when there isn't any snow on the ground. What now? The steps are utterly simple!

i. Get snow.
ii. Ride aforementioned snow.

“Hold on a second...” you might be saying out loud. “Where do I get snow when it's not freezing outside?” or, “How does one transport snow?” are both questions one might be asking after reading the beautiful step-by-step method for skiing above 0ºC. Well, the short of it is that my “beautiful step-by-step” (who called it that?) is actually a massive oversimplification of the process.

It actually looks something like this.

i. Establish location for tomfoolery.
i. Needs some slope.
ii. Needs some flat.
iii. Preferably grassy. (minimize equipment wear)
ii. Analyze suitability of location for snow sports.
i. Do you have something to provide an initial burst of speed?
ii. Do you have a section of terrain on which you can slow down?
iii. Will you receive flak from any individuals for destructively modifying the surrounding landscape?
iii. Collecting required equipment.
i. Do you have carpets or AstroTurf to help your snow last longer? (What snow?)
ii. Optional: Do you have rails to grind if you are a freestyle skier? (Newschool skier)
iii. Do you have skis or a snowboard? (If you use snowlerblades look elsewhere for help.)
iv. Acquire snow.
i. Find suitable method for transporting frozen water. Rubbermaid bins, garbage cans, 5-gallon buckets, whatever works for you.
ii. Locate snow. This boils down to collecting garbage ice dumped outside of your local ice rink; which is the product of each cleaning done by the Zamboni. (You didn't think they filled the cracks with water each time did you?)
iii. Fill containers, pickup beds, backpacks, etc, with as much snow as desired.
v. Return to chosen location for tomfoolery.
i. Drive carefully, you now have tens of hundreds, or even a thousand plus pounds of snow in your vehicle. It's going to drive a little differently.
vi. Setup play area.
i. Dump snow from containers to selected area.
ii. Spread out the butter into an even layer, arranged to match your desires. (I opt for a straight downhill track just wide enough to ski on, leading to my rail. This is paired with a nice pile at the end of the rail to land on.
vii. Ski above 0ºC!
i. You are now ready to ski in a season that isn't winter.

I'd tell you what to try and how to ski, but that's for another day. Since you've made it this far I’m sure you are either bored to tears or crazy enough to try this. Go do what you have to do! If you aren't convinced, know this; there are always individuals willing to walk further, try harder, and do what it takes to get what they want. For me, this means laughing at the strange looks I get for driving around with a truck bed of snow, just to enjoy my favorite pastime. This paper is certainly an expression of the effort I go through to ski without natural snow. I would hope that you are either inspired to try this too, or you realize that you can have whatever you want, even if it doesn't seem possible.