Replying to Dungeons & Dragons 30th Anniversary

Losers, dorks, geeks, nerd, and virgins across the world celebrated the 30th anniversary of the fantasy game Dungeons & Dragons this past weekend. They gathered in toy stores across the globe to honor and admire each other’s pube-mustaches and play the game. I am sure it was a great time had by all. They could all take turns fondling each others’ 30-sided dice and talked about the one time that girl on the bus accidentally brushed up against their leg. Some of the people at the gatherings said that they play as many as three times a week…or more.

Really, they have the time to do that? I would think with all of their incredibly busy personal and professional schedules that they would never have the time to do something like that. I mean how do you fit in pretending to be a sorcerer when you have all of those dates with supermodels to get to? How do you search for the golden chalice, if you have that big project at work due at the same time? That might be a problem if any of these toolboxes ever had girlfriends or jobs.

Shannon Drake, a ‘gamer’ in the DC area explains why he enjoys the games. Drake explains, “ The game allows you to live through your character your favorite fantasy books.�

Uh, sure it does. You know what else you can do? Actually live a real life and experience things that way. Most of use live a life that isn’t controlled by funky dice. He was also wearing a “game master� t-shirt, so he’s pretty cool. Another ‘gamer’, Mitch Hamburger had this to say, “I think a lot of people who get drawn to the game are loners, but here is a real opportunity to come out of your shell and feel safe about it.'

Oh, I don’t know Mitch. I always thought “gamers� were very successful ladies men. Loners? Really? Are you sure? What’s a better way to meet a woman than by showing her your dice and skinny mustache. That sends them over the edge. Look, this needs to be marginalized for the deviant activity it is. Don’t be proud. You should be hiding in basements, and back rooms. Stay away from the rest of us. Keep your dice to yourself