Can you say BULLSHIT?

i whipped this shitty play off during the game


IT SUCKS haha its so stupid its funny


Alex Gustafson
Act one
Scene one

[Takes place when the main character bill is driving to work]

He stops at a stoplight and there is a man who comes up and tries to wash the windows of his model t ford. Bill holds the horn at him and started swearing. The light turned green and he pulled away and purposely splashed him with a puddle of water.

He makes it to work and finds that all of his stocks have gone up and it was just another day where he made 100$.
[Walks through his office and greets some of his coworkers then goes and sits down at his desk when Jim a coworker of his comes to him]
Jim: Hey Bill
Bill: Hello (looking at his watch)
Jim: I see your stock went up
Bill: Eh only a little nothing big
Jim: Aren’t you happy about that?
Bill: Why should I be happy its only pocket change
Jim: Well I better get going I have a lot of work to do
Bill: Oh

[Bills other friend Jeb comes over (he is very rich)]

Bill: Oh hey Jeb how are you today?
Jeb: I’m great, you?
Bill: I’m fine
Jeb: that’s good, I heard your stock went up today
Bill: I know I’m so excited about that, I worked hard for the money
Jeb: that’s good
Bill: How your wife and kids?
Jeb: Great my wife just had triplets and we bought a new house on the bay.
Bill: that’s nice, I just bought a new car, it’s a hobo magnet, and they all try to wash my windows when I am stopped.
Jeb: Yeah, so is my Rolls Royce
(Long silent pause where Bill takes a sip of his coffee)
Jeb: (muttering) So what do ya think about the deal?
Bill: Meet me at 3:00 behind the office
Jeb: sounds like a deal
(Jeb walks away very rapidly shuffling his feet)
(Bill sits at his desk doing some work that his boss told him has to be done by noon and it was eleven thirty. Bill rushes pretty fast to get it all finished. By the time noon rolls around his boss walks over and smacks Bill in the face as a joke and Bill punches him in the stomach)
Boss: What the hell was that for I was just playing around?
Bill: Well I wasn’t (he throws his paper at his boss and it falls loose from his grip and his boss bends down to get it. While he is bent down Bill punches the back of his bosses head sending him straight to the floor.)
Bill: Now were even.
Boss: (gets up looks at him angrily and then bursts out into laughter)
Bill: (Laughing) that was a funny one.
Boss: (walks away laughing) You’re a funny one Fitzgerald!
(About ten minutes later Bill gathers his things and walks out)


SCENE 2


(At Bills house before he gets home. His wife Gertrude (gurt) and his Daughter Susan (Sue) they talk about their lives and how great they are)
Gurt: when bill comes home I’m going to go shopping.
Sue: Can I come I need some new shoes and a new bike.
Gurt: Fine but you must spend over 100 dollars!
(The two laugh)

Bill: I’m Home!!!
Gurt: I’m going shopping
Sue: Me too
(gurt takes his wallet out of his coat pocket, makes sure there is money inside it and almost runs out the door)
Bill: (shouts) where are you going?
Gurt: Out!
(Bill sits and thinks to himself about what he would be without his money. He daydreams and realizes that he wouldn’t really have anything. He shakes his head and goes over to the icebox and takes out a huge bottle of an alcohol that read“200 PROOF� and drank about half of the bottle and fell on the floor)

SCENE 3
(The next day Bill wakes up on the floor and realizes he is late for work after saying a few obscenities he bolts to work. Once again he sees the bum that tries to clean his windows. Bill holds the horn down and swears at him and peels out. When Bill gets to work he quickly goes up to his desk and tries to get by un-noticed. He gets to his desk and Jeb comes over)
Jeb: Where were you yesterday I thought you were meeting me at 3 o’clock.
Bill: oh sorry I forgot I had to go home.
Jeb: Well great job. Now the stock market crashed and we lost our inside trade with enroner the only stock still up!
Bill: This cant be I just gained over 100$!
Jeb: Now that hundred dollars is worth no dollars, you only have fifty cents left in your name!
Bill: NOOOOO (runs out of his office building and drives home)


Scene 4


(When Bill gets home Gurt and Sue are in the kitchen making dinner. Bill walks in with his head down and just sits on a chair and starts to stare off into space thinking about what to tell his wife)
Gurt: How much money did you make today?
Bill: (Ignores her but he knows a reply is inevitable) IT’S ALL GONE (he yelled partly sobbing)
Gurt: What do you mean
Bill: They are coming to take our house tomorrow along with the car.
Gurt: I feel sick (she smacked him and ran out of the room and started to cry)
Sue: I hate you daddy! (She spat on him and ran out chasing after her mother)
(Bill pulls out his alcohol and puts it in his pocket as he walks to his car.)
Scene 5


(Bill sits in his car, his face sopping wet as he takes a few swigs of his drink. Bill started his car and drove away at this point it was about ten thirty at night. Bill once again starts thinking to himself about his life and he realized that his only good quality is that he used to have a lot of money. Now he realized that his worst fear is now reality. His foot pushes harder on the gas pedal. He finds that he hasn’t ever really been himself and he was rude to everyone. He realizes that he was made of money before but now he is gone and nothing was left for him. He pushes harder on the gas pedal. He sees the bum he had mistreated everyday on his way to work and he realizes that he is a terrible person. He crashes into a house at full speed instantly killing him. He figured that he would be better off dead. The funeral 2 days later was cancelled because nobody wanted to go.)






BAM
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