I've been clinically depresed for perhaps four or more years. Starting about a year ago, I began reading more introspective works; Colin Wilson, Dostoyveski, Camus, Sartre, Nietzsche, Huxley, Hermann Hesse, Richard Dawkins, etc. Call it existenialism, philosophy, psychology, whatever you will. Basically, through an intellectual process I learned more about myself, and have been able to be happy ever since. Through a disiplined mental process, I can exercise control over my moods. If I feel depressed, I can change my mood.
After a one month break from skiing, I returned to Whistler, but with an enhanced mental poise from my brief sabatical in the city, I felt ready. For what? Well, to live as I believe I should. With the proper foundation, I felt I could get on with my life, and leave all the bullshit of my past depression behind. But there was one thing. While I was able to alter my state of mind for the better, it did take effort, a certain amount of meditation on myself. In life, we can't always take a couple minutes for self reflection before doing what there is to do. I felt that if anti-depressants could raise my default level higher than before, I would be on a better footing with those around. My moments or happiness wound not be limited to times when I could take the time neccisary to raise my mood. So, after looking -to lttle avail- for information on anti-depressants, I went to see my doctor. He had blood tests done, to ensure the problem wasn't a lethergy due to low hemoglobin, or low iron, or something of the sort. After the blood tests came back about as normal as normal could be, he gave a two week sample of a daily 20mg dose of citalopram, an SSRI (trade name Celexa in Canada). He said it may take two weeks before I feel any effects, and upto four weeks, before the full effects are felt, if at all. One thing he explained is not all SSRIs work for everybody, so a person may have to try several different SSRIs before finding one that worked as it should. The only side effects was minimal and was limited to the first several days, a slight feeling of the uneasiness of nausea. Other than that, it's been clear sailing.
After taking the SSRIs for several months, I'm still not sure if they're working, but as soon as I get back to a stable lifestyle, I'm goning to stop using them to see if there was any difference. And while they didn't work like I was hoping they might, they have made things much better, as it only takes a second or two of brief concentration and I feel completely ''happy'', not at all depressed, down, or detressed.
A final note, when I made the decision to began taking anti-depressants, I was not at all excited by the prospect of a sudden change in my life. I was not desperatly hoping for life to change to a perfect euphoric utopian existence. I was looking for a minor supplement to counter-act a slight problem. SSRIs did not do anything for me that I could not do myself, but they have helped the effectiveness of an already effective system of self-knowledge and discipline that I have deliberatly developed in myself.
So, if you're thinking about anti-depressants, know that they won't do anything for you, but they may help you fight depression.
-TAK, PPPhD
