While in Myrtle Beach a year ago (my buddy and I make trip there each summer) I decided to use my shiny new fake ID to buy a shit load of 4 Loko's for a group of people we met up with. 2 lokos and a few beers later we're all on one of those boxes on the beach where they keep all the lifeguard stuff and I get to making out with this girl. We go behind a pile of chairs for some alone time. Mind you at this point we are both rolling around in the sand. Things start to get heavy and my pants come down. Well at some point, Im assuming, this chick got some of the 4 loko spilled on her hand which made them sticky, and all the sand from the beach got stuck to her hands. She starts tugging on my millimeter peter and I got what shall forever be known as the sandy handy. It felt like someone took 40 grit sand paper to my dick, but I was too drunk and too excited that I was getting my willy touched to care. Later that night I decided that all those people I was hanging out with were a bunch of anti-semite assholes and left to do my own thing. I saw a light post about 10-15 feet tall and decided that that shit was coming down. I climbed to the top and started swinging it back and forth. It slowly stared to bend down and I hung on to it as it gently whisked me to my feet. As I touched the ground I saw a security guard for the hotel I was outside of and he started chasing me down the strip of hotels. I thought he was catching up so I started throwing my sandals at him and yell "Youre just a rent-a-cop!" at him. He stops once I get far enough away and I go back to my room and pass out. I woke up the next day with scabs on my dick and no shoes.
The second one isnt will be short and sweet. I made out with a chick that I later found out drank her own piss for a pack of cigarettes that she wound up giving away. Luckily it was a few nights after she mouth raped me, but I still felt like a very dirty boy.
