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Facebook profiles of Friends or Family members who have passed..

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theBearJew
Posts: 10951 - Karma: 15,633
I was thinking about this today, I have had some friends who have passed away and had facebook accounts. Their profiles are still up and people post here and there about things that remind them of him, incidents where they they miss him and things like that. I feel like they are helpful during the grieving process and give you a way to feel like they are still there to talk to in some way.

Sometimes I'll read over my friends page and look at the posts, remember how much of an awesome guy he was.

Anyone else have friends who have passed and still have active facebooks? Just wanted to share my thoughts with NS.

No hate here please.
Jul 24 2012 3:49PM
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TheClap.
Posts: 21661 - Karma: 4,116
yeah I have a few, it sucks no one should die at a young age
Jul 24 2012 3:53PM
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Amadeus.
Posts: 3050 - Karma: 382
yeah, i actually had a couple people die who i was friends with on facebook this year. Its really strange and creepy. You can go back and look through their profile and see their comments from when they still were alive, and the fact you can still write on their wall is bizarre. It almost makes it more dramatic. Just a ghostly, empty piece of space that will never ever function again, but at the same time it is almost like they are still alive because their profile just sits there and you can still visit it and access it.

It kind of traps that person in limbo forever.
Jul 24 2012 3:57PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51589 - Karma: 161,716
In 100 years facebook is going to have a billion dead peoples profiles
Jul 24 2012 3:58PM
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snakerton
Posts: 2434 - Karma: 1,977
yeah my mom. i looked at her fb once and it kinda creeped me out. some people continued to write on her wall after she died like "will always love you" stuff like that
Jul 24 2012 4:00PM
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Darth.Maul
Posts: 2472 - Karma: 652
A girl i knew passed away 2 weeks ago in a motorcycle crash up the canyon. Her facebook is now filled with pics of ffriends of her an i think thats pretty awesome
Jul 24 2012 4:07PM
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Rachy
Posts: 4355 - Karma: 2,761
yeah... I've only had this happen twice now.

What really gets me is when you have a lot of mutual friends with a person who has passed and it keeps suggesting you become friends. It's slightly creepy.
Jul 24 2012 4:13PM
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baethoven
Posts: 4953 - Karma: 332
I mean no hate to anyone with a deceased family member or friend on facebook with this comment. My older brother passed when I was 13. I can totally feel for everyone in this situation. This is just something I've noticed and guess I can point out because you're asking.

You're totally right about people writing on their walls right after the incident. It helps everyone mutually express a love for that individual, and to grieve together. It also helps the parents, trust me. But 3,4,5 years after the tragedy I've always wondered why people continue to write things on their public walls. Yes, I realize you still think about that person and love and miss them dearly, but why make your thoughts public? A PM would do the same thing (imo).. That person isn't going to read that on the internet.

In a sick way I sometimes feel some people are trying to publicly show off the fact that they still care rather than still care on a personal non-public level. This could just be a disturbed thought created from personal experience. I'm also certainly not trying to umbrella everyone that does this together, but rather expressing a thought I've had over the last 5 years.
Jul 24 2012 4:29PM
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Ric.
Posts: 710 - Karma: 362
This. This is why people like all the shit thats SHARE AND LIEK IF YOU THINK THIS IS WRONG *starving kids in africa*. Shits annoying.
Jul 24 2012 4:33PM
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snakerton
Posts: 2434 - Karma: 1,977
i totally agree. often people want to show it and sometimes its just for appearance.
Jul 24 2012 4:36PM
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*Bird
Posts: 1895 - Karma: 316
ya a girl that went to my school committed suicide at the end of the year and 2 girls got in a fight about who was better friends with her over twitter, I dont understand why you would feel the need to worry about how good of friends you were compared to others and feel the need to even do it publicly if you were going to do it at all. People want attention way too much.
Jul 24 2012 4:38PM
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theBearJew
Posts: 10951 - Karma: 15,633
I can see what you are saying and that is one reason why I personally do not post on the wall of my friend. I feel as if I didn't know him well enough to be publicly posting about missing him and things like that.

However, I feel like for family members and very close friends it is a way to still be connected and often friends of who ever has passed away read it and remember him/her for the person they were and how great they were. I read the posts of his best friend and his mom and it makes me feel privileged to say that I knew the kid and considered him a friend. Now I wouldn't go post that because I feel that its not my place to do so.
Jul 24 2012 4:39PM
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Caspaaa
Posts: 4830 - Karma: 1,466
i understand your point.


i feel like to an extent, lots of things in the world are like this nowadays. when a close friend of mine/classmate passed away at school i kind of felt guilty for not crying. obviously i was torn up on the inside and upset about it, but all around me people were balling their eyes out and hugging one another and the way my emotions come to the surface is just different than that.

now of course i did cry, ALOT, later in the night when it really hit me, but i think it's that initial thought that leads to those posts, kind of like "everybody is posting on the wall, i now feel a moral responsibility to do so otherwise it'll look like i'm not sad about so and so's death."

and that idea carries over to other things, it's sort of like you don't mean something unless you've posted it publicly, you know? and this is somewhat like what happens in movies. in a movie, character A will be miserable about something. the viewers will clearly recognize this because they observe his every action, however, the other characters fail to see it because he does not display them publicly. EXCEPT, in real life, there is no audience, and these feelings or ideas or opinions go completely unnoticed (i believe this happens now partly because friendships and personal connections aren't valued as much as they used to be due to social networking sites)


Jul 24 2012 4:43PM
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snakerton
Posts: 2434 - Karma: 1,977
could not of said it better
Jul 24 2012 4:54PM
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PASKIINGSUCKS
Posts: 9097 - Karma: 777
Grieving I think is highly personal and opinionated like religion. While we may not understand or agree with what one person does in these situations, it is just as wrong for us to judge them because of it.

That person may be posting just to make it known to all that a somewhat friend of thiers passed just for the attention they will receive. they may have evil or good intentions. but whose to say how it will be received?? The deceased's mother may find the post and it might brighten her day.

Human interaction period IMO is to get a reaction and react to that reaction, otherwise we'd all live solitary lives and never talk to another. The internet these days just makes it that much easier and I see it as a good thing. Of course there is bad with good, but to try and judge it all or assume how it will be received is not right in my eyes.

Vibes to you man, i lost both my brothers and I know the feeling you describe well trust me. Oldest bro died in 01 so no bookface or even myspace for him, second one was 08 and I honestly haven't checked his myspace in like 2 years. I actually had to guess his password to accept myself as a friend to read it after he passed.
Jul 24 2012 4:59PM
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baethoven
Posts: 4953 - Karma: 332
Vibes sent right back your way my man. These tragedies don't seem to make sense at first, but I'm sure you've learned a lot, as I have. I can't even express how sorry I am that it had to happen twice.

I can totally see where you and everyone else are coming from. You definitely helped me see it in an better and different light, so thank you.

Also thank you NS for being mature and respectful about this discussion. It's not often you can express something deeply without fear of being flamed here, so kudos.
Jul 24 2012 5:07PM
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J_Christoph
Posts: 2519 - Karma: 8,752
This.
One of my buddies committed suicide while drunk last year. It shook up my small school bad (like 295 people in the whole school). We all loved him, and we all still think about him and how awesome he was. And now it pisses me off bad when attention whore girls post shit on his FB. Everyone knows they do it for attention, especially since most of them talked shit about him behind his back when he was still here. We all still care about him you bitches.
Jul 24 2012 5:14PM
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FLBP
Posts: 1794 - Karma: 310
I think it's ok every once in a while, but it seems like right after an incident where there's a death, there is always a feeding frenzy on facebook for people to write on their wall but they won't go as far as visiting the family to comfort them or anything.  I mean sure it's nice for the family to read through and see how their loved one has impacted lives, but I don't think social media is the best place.
Jul 24 2012 5:16PM
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Ribss.
Posts: 3442 - Karma: 3,344
Thats really... awful man. I'm sorry to hear that.

I actually just wrote my friend who passed away last Christmas at Whistler... Last season was dedicated to him.
Jul 24 2012 5:18PM
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artfullydodged
Posts: 8358 - Karma: 1,674
Two of my friends died this summer and I have to I enjoy visiting their pages and reading the things people have written about them. There are lots of great photos and memories I would've never seen or heard that I can access now.

However, there are some people that constantly post about one of these kids, literally like the same group of two or three kids, and it bugs me a little bit. I completely respect their right to mourn the loss of our mutual friend and understand their pain, but they bring it up so often I'm constantly reminded the kid died and its beginning to wear on me.

Jul 24 2012 5:18PM
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PASKIINGSUCKS
Posts: 9097 - Karma: 777
For all the shit that gets thrown around in NSG it's still a skiing community. This community usually endures a loss of a brother or sister(metaphorically or literally) or two every season. So if there's one thing that usually goes over well here on NS and even in nsg it is the loss of a life and the discussion of such.
Jul 24 2012 5:30PM
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Caspaaa
Posts: 4830 - Karma: 1,466
very true

vibes to both of you guys. i've never lost a brother or sister but a few friends have passed here and there so i know what it's like
Jul 24 2012 5:35PM
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Ribss.
Posts: 3442 - Karma: 3,344
I would like to put my 1000th post in this thread.

I would also like to send out a major Vibe to all of you. Stay strong and keep shreddin everyone.
Jul 24 2012 5:47PM
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powderdrunkie
Posts: 2034 - Karma: 976
Ya i use PM's it feels more meaningful to think that he's checking his messages from the other side, that no one else can read.
Jul 24 2012 8:08PM
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Caspaaa
Posts: 4830 - Karma: 1,466
i agree
Jul 24 2012 8:15PM
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KillaSteeze
Posts: 3329 - Karma: 351
holy shit that will be wierd
Jul 24 2012 8:26PM
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whitechocolate
Posts: 582 - Karma: 260
personally, if i had passed away i would rather have my account deleted
Jul 24 2012 8:32PM
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theBearJew
Posts: 10951 - Karma: 15,633
Whats weird is thats something that eventually you will have to put into your will.
Jul 24 2012 9:03PM
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B.Foreman
Posts: 300 - Karma: 15
yea i have 4 friends who died in a car accident almost a year ago and people still post on their walls alot
Jul 24 2012 9:06PM
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TechnoPotamus
Posts: 11626 - Karma: 3,522
i lost my dad 2 years ago, he had recently gotten a fb profile. my mom and sister post on it fairly often and i think it gives them comfort in some way. obviously he'll never "get the message" ya know but if it makes them feel like they are somehow able to communicate or whatever, the closest we can get to doing so now that he's gone - then i think that's a pretty good thing.

it's tough because i've definitely written stuff on there before after we lost him and it just sucks because you feel desperate and hopeless to just be able to talk to the person you lost in any way possible. for any of you guys who haven't lost somebody really close like that or a really close friend, etc. it may seem kinda odd but it's just making an attempt to express yourself to that lost loved one by any means necessary.

sad stuff. it's upsetting to even write that stuff and try to explain it. makes it seem more hopeless, so i just try to do my best in every avenue of my life these days and hope that somehow or someway my dad is watching or something. Idk, I don't believe in religion or any afterlife or anything like that, but if I can do all positive and good things with my life that I know he would be so fucking proud of me for - that governs pretty much everything I do now.
Jul 24 2012 9:17PM
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Troy.
Posts: 5070 - Karma: 12,549
It's nice and certainly helps with the grieving process, but after a certain point, I've had to delete them as a friend. Just not something I'm
Jul 24 2012 9:24PM
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theBearJew
Posts: 10951 - Karma: 15,633
Your dad sounds like he did a great job raising you. Keep doin what you're doing and living to be the best person you can be. Somewhere he is watching and ill bet hes damn proud.
Jul 24 2012 9:24PM
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Troy.
Posts: 5070 - Karma: 12,549
Okay with personally. However, the parents of those deceased love it when people post on their accounts. I've heard many recollect that, through tears.
Jul 24 2012 9:25PM
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B.Aussie
Posts: 5852 - Karma: 4,531
A few people write on my friends wall and it's for his mother and family. Often his mum and sister will reply to the posts.

Personally what I have to say, I don't want to be made public so I personal message him. Each to their own.
Jul 25 2012 8:00AM
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fujarome
Posts: 8630 - Karma: 1,561
i think it's reasonable for awhile, but then it needs to stop. It might help while grieving, but eventually it's just something to desperately hold onto.


I swapped facebook passwords with a good friend specifically so that if one of us dies, we can log onto the others account years after the fact and post a status update just to make a few people shit themselves.
Jul 25 2012 12:21PM
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Jane6
Posts: 5359 - Karma: 4,506
haha thats terrible!




my friend committed suicide two years ago, and I think its pretty cool when you check his profile out every now and then and people have written little things about him, like they have done something that reminded them of him and a memory they shared together. It keeps the memory of him live on in a completely different way... but at the same time, as others posting here also have said, it could be stopping people from moving on, being constantly reminded of someone who now only exists in our hearts and on the internet. Almost like a ghost.


Thinking about how much crap I have posted in various blogs, forums and on sites like facebook and myspace I'm actually a little disgusted with how much information and images there will be of me on the internet on public display. You never completely go away in this day and age when you die.
Jul 25 2012 1:16PM
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Parks.
Posts: 5612 - Karma: 1,093
A friend of mine died a couple months ago and his girlfriend has written "I love you" on his wall everyday since! It's not like it bothers me...she really did like him and if that helps her then fine go right ahead!
Jul 25 2012 1:19PM
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74267000027
Posts: 302 - Karma: 14
a girl in my city died a couple months ago and a bunch of people tagged her in their statuses. I thought it was weird, once somebody dies their facebook should be deleted right away. it would be like keeping the body around the house.
Jul 25 2012 1:19PM
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Bodhisattva_
Posts: 5749 - Karma: 2,009
Has anyone heard of the Facebook app "If I Die"? You appoint three "trustees" whom all have to verify that you are dead and then a status update of your choosing will show up on your profile as a sort of "farewell" to Facebook. Weird.

Here's a short article about it

http://www.torontosun.com/2012/02/22/facebook-app-lets-dead-people-update-their-status
Jul 25 2012 1:48PM
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