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Peaceful Parenting

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JamesR
Posts: 3396 - Karma: -12
I first posted this on another site and I feel that it's an important message to spread:

Let me make this clear. The physical effects of hitting children, even without leaving marks, are indistinguishable from assaults that do leave marks. Hitting children, even without leaving marks, has been shown to result in lower IQ scores and decreased self control. It is positively correlated with alcohol abuse, drug addiction, sexual addiction, and criminality. "I was hit and I turned out fine," is not an argument and is an anti-scientific approach. The consensus in the psychological community is that hitting children is invalid in all circumstances. Not only is it ineffective in decreasing bad behavior, it often leads to its increase. There is no argument to be made in support of hitting children in any manner whatsoever. Denying the harms of spanking is as intellectually dishonest as denying evolution, gravity, or the germ theory of disease. It's time we extend the same rights to children that we have extended to minorities and women.


Jun 9 2012 9:26AM
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shocker611
Posts: 2599 - Karma: 423
choked to the point of passing, thrown into a car window (broke it), punched almost on a weekly basis (getting bad grades on assignments, playing bad in sports), metal belt buckle whipped.. yes I mean beat, not spanked. happened all the way up until I was 16 when I told my mom I would fight back and I wouldn't stop hitting him until he was dead. Funny thing is that we have a great relationship now and love him to death somehow
Jun 12 2012 2:22AM
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saskskier
Posts: 4774 - Karma: 10,005
I'm just going to go ahead and throw this out there. According to a study 2007 study, roughly 50-65% of parents of preschoolers and toddlers use corporal punishment (spanking, etc). http://scholarship.law.duke.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1565&context=lcp
I'm sure there are newer stats, but that's what I have right now. If you're going to use stats, use relatively up to date stuff.

If done with respect and out of love for you're kids, I have no problem with spanking. I was spanked. I don't remember why, but I suspect it's because I didn't do it again. Most of my friends spank their kids and I'm pretty sure I will when I have kids of my own. It was and is (with my friends) always done out of care and correction and is followed by words of affirmation and love, and often a hug.

I'm currently a social worker working in child protection. Absolutely there are people who go too far, but that's why I have a job. There are bigger, far more serious issues with kids than spanking though.

Take neglect for example. If neglected in the first two years of life, a child is more likely to have increased levels of aggression when they are older than if they where physically abused, or physically abused and neglected. http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/121/4/725.full.pdf+html

I'm not going to be a harsh disciplinarian when I have kids, but there are definitely going to be times when I am not negotiating. If that means they go to their room, lose some privileges, or are spanked, so be it. I am not debating with a 3 year old about what is ok and not ok.
Jun 12 2012 3:06AM
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saskskier
Posts: 4774 - Karma: 10,005
Sorry about that. Pressed reply too soon.
Jun 12 2012 3:07AM
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KravtZ
Posts: 6637 - Karma: 2,629
Exactly, this while this method works well for you now, a "time out" is comical as the child gets older. Worse punishment must ensue for them to get it. When im a parent, dam straight im going to spank/ hit my kid if he fucks up that bad.

There are truly only 3 ways to learn in life. Through pain, humiliation, or loss of money. These three things really teach someone when they fucked up. A "timeout" doesn't do a dam thing except for the child just having some alone time chilling out in his room with a tv
Jun 12 2012 7:52AM
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bdarb207
Posts: 3057 - Karma: 438
^i honestly think I need to be a parent and meet my kids before I could make a decision on spanking, though I probably wouldn't. I can say with 10000% certainty there will not be a tv in that kids room though let alone cable television in the house.
Jun 12 2012 7:59AM
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Caspaaa
Posts: 4830 - Karma: 1,466
well I LOVE YOU.
Jun 12 2012 8:04AM
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Caspaaa
Posts: 4830 - Karma: 1,466
spanking and beating are very different... for gods sake, spanking can be considered sexually appealing, granted being beaten could be too but that's less likely.

spanking to teach your kid a lesson IS effective, that's the bottom line. however, other punishments work better as long as they are reinforced. growing up my dad was difficult on me, but he never went past verbal fighting and the occasional spanking when i was really young. my mom, on the other hand, could not reinforce a punishment for her life. it became a game of "what can i get away with when dad isn't home", and quite frankly i wish my mother/father had chosen one of two choices


either

1. don't enforce the punishments, and let me learn from my mistakes/pain/hardships. while my parents didn't enforce punishments much, they still were able to protect me from many possible difficulties in my life. had they allowed me to fall victim to these difficulties, i would have learned from them all the same.

or

2. really enforce the punishments. it would suck at the time, but it'd teach me good habits for my life. one of my friends got a bad first term report card when he was in 5th grade, so his parents took away his XBOX, PS3, TV, Gameboy, and Computer privileges for the ENTIRE second term. he hated it, but nonetheless emerged from the second term with PERFECT straight A+'s
Jun 12 2012 8:15AM
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las.
Posts: 1959 - Karma: 1,455
/claim
Jun 12 2012 8:44AM
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