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Well I figure I should probably start with something from the less illegal story side, so here goes.
Boston a few years back, when I still had a fuckin crazy car and was selling drugs and making tons of money and was in a car club (should have called it a get fucked up and bang hooters waitresses in parking lots club). There was some Hot Import Nights show that coincieded with a friend of mine's party he was having so we got a few rooms at the Collinade(sp?) with some of the car club peeps, some troublemaker friends from home, etc. a few blocks from his brownstone on Mass Ave. I brought a keg of Magic Hat #9s with me to have at said party since I like to bring big shit and an ice luge doesn't jive with suede.
I only made one rule, knowing some of the crew I had with me from home.
1). NO GODDAM HOOKERS. .
After a good long argument and a phone book beating later, it was agreed. No hookers anywhere near the hotel rooms- any of them. Only rule. They steal, they lie, they carry fleas and they have no conscience. Fine.
The show was sick, the girls were plentiful and the buzzes were building. After the show, we head back to my buddy Dyke's place to high five that keg of Magic Hat and things are going well. People are having a blast and we are laughing our tits off out on the stoop giving crackheads beers for stupid human tricks like standing backflips and shit. Of course this is a crackhead dream so there ends up being a whole bunch of them just chilling there with us, laughing and having a good time for pretty much the whole night. Fast forward to a few hours in the future, the sun is coming up, I'm hammered on the rooftop deck with a few friends smoking a couple bowls and relaxing, watching the sunrise slide up behind the city skyline to Sublime and loving life while we listen to the people still partying on the stoop laugh about whatever.
Then my phone rings.
I see the name and immediately know it's not good. It's one of the kids that came along from home, and I know him too well- this is not a courtesy "whoa dere, crazy times bro get back to the hotel shits awesome" call.
"Hello?"
(breathing heavy as fuck and sounding scared) "HUCK! Thank God!!! Dude... I know what you said but man we need your help they've got Nate- DUDE THEY GOT NATE!!"
[long story short they thought it would be funny to call up all these escort services and then turn them away for being busted fat 5s when they showed up. Well, one of the pimps was not amused, pulled a gun and grabbed my friend Nate and shoved him into his SUV and the other friend Caleb fuckin' booked it to a parking garage and is now hiding.]
"WHAT?!?? Wait... Back up, what the fuck's going on, and who's got Nate???"
"These pimps, dude... Im under a car in the parking garage right now and theres guys chasing me you have to come get us, please man they got Nate but I ran and got away!!"
"Goddammit you motherfucker, I know you got Nate into this you fucking fuck. I'm pissed and I'm fuckin' coming you fucking asshole."
So I walk back down to the stoop and yell: "Hey everybody, I just got a call from my boy down the street, some pimp has got him and we've got to savve him. Any street fucker ready to roll gets $5 apiece and all the beer they can drink after we get back, so pick up something to use as a weapon and let's fuckin' roll"
You've never seen such riotous shit break out. Between the kids we knew who were already down and the crackheads that would easily kill a man for $5, we easily had over 20 people and everybody picks up a pipe, rock, cinder block, bottle, whatever we saw while we were power walking towwards the hotel, about 5 minutes away. I call Caleb back while we're en route to get a sitrep and sure enough, after he crawls out from under the car and looks, he can see the dude is still out front and Nate is still in the car with him. We round the corner from the alley, see the SUV and break into a Braveheart-style battlecry charge. Everybody starts running and yelling, and throwing shit at the truck. They must have looked back and seen the crowd coming, rocks and bottles start to hit the car and whouldn't you know it- they shove Nate out of the car and peel out lol... So there we are, two dozen hammered assholes with pipes, rocks, bottles, sticks and cinder blocks in front of a very classy hotel, looking like we just found out that Santa isn't real, and Caleb cheering from three stories up in the parking garage. We looked around at each other, shrugged, dropped our pile of makeshift weapons and walked off like it never happened. I collected my asshole friends from home and we went to breakfast at Thorton's to digest the night.
The End.
Moral of the story: Hookers are bad. Make the rule now and save yourself the headaches.
just lold so hard
eh you sure about that?
yeah bra, go look her up mang
she is pretty fine