Replying to Call me a doctor.

Gentlemen and ladies. I suffer from uclerative colitis, an inflammatory bowel disease that i have had since 6. A flare up is when the immune system senses the colon is foreign and sends anti bodies to kill it. Point and simple. here is the story.

It was a monday night, and my feces was a bright red, not unusual during a flare up, scary to a non UC sufferer, but to me almost normal during this dreadful time. My bowel movements had hit an all time high, 20 a day, not much came out, just a few squirts of blood, followed by a drop or two of dead colon tissue. The pain was astronomical, the suffering was getting to a tipping point. I searched for answers. Days went by sitting home, every so often running to the bathroom hoping to strike gold. Yet i was ashamed each trip, returning to my computer to challenge the elite four once again after i came back empty. Constipation had overtaken me. It was now at day 6 i had not emptied, it was all stored up in my anus and i could feel it piling up. As thursday came around i had to return to school, embarrassed and inflamed my colon and i took numerous trips to the stalls. Each time hoping for that gorgeous feeling of the muscle to push the beast out. Yet once again nothing. As three o'clock rolled around my brain searched for answers. I could not go on any longer. With laxatives not an option for me i brainstormed. With a little help from google i realized that nicotine can help Ulcerative colitis. with no questions asked i ran, or hobbled to the nearest mini mart. Grabbed a pack of Black's and crept home. Smatch, the match lit, burning the tobacco, i inhaled. After arriving, i flicked the butt, went inside and showered. Made a few heinous posts on Newschoolers, listened to some house music, and of course, made more trips to the lou. Yet nothing. Depressed and feeling bloated like a whale unable to cum, i lay my poop baby down on the bed. Then it hit me, a surge. A message from God to run to the golden seat. As i sat, i relaxed, widened my legs apart, breathed in. The feeling overcame me, like a spazzum throughout my small intestine. In a waterfall of rainbows, the bloody, tissue infested constipation i had was over. I stood up to view my golden goblet of feces, about two inches above the water line it curled. The volcanic eruption had happened. In an ooey gooey chocolate fluster it had all came out, days and days of pain. I slowly tended to my rectum, swabbing it with cotton plus. Ecstatic of my achievement i must be truthful, and say a bit of puss may have landed on my back thigh, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. My self prescribed black that i smoked did the trick. I cured myself. From my inner pipes being clogged for days, i returned the favor, clogging my home pipes for the retaining night.