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So at our school the whole senior class gets to select two graduation speakers from the top 5% in our class and I was chosen as one this year! Anyone have any suggestions of what to say or just stories of what you've heard in the past at graduations?
just spark a j, say "im fucking outta here!" (if you are holding a mic, drop it.), your entire class will follow you, and you will get layed for ten days straight.
be sincere with a couple of jokes tied in, toss in a favorite memory that involved a decent amount of people...(basic outline of my senior speech) it was more effective than the girl that went before me who basically bored the crowd to sleep with emotional life lessons and how we are all beginning some new path and on and on.
get really nervous and sweaty and fuck the whole thing up as bad as you can. then end it with nervously saying "highschool can suck it" and akwardly doing that thing the wrestler does where you cross your arms by your dick.
"Thank you for making me waste 12 years of my life when only 4 of those actually really counted for something. Thank you all the hot chicks that wore yoga pants. Class would not be the same without you guys. Peace to the fucking zulu nation. I'm audi 5-0, bitches." Then proceed to spark up a doob while walking off stage.
They had a problem with a graduation speaker two years ago so now the vice principal is having me type up my speech and give it to her before hand. She said that if I go off script too far then she can always take my diploma away so I guess if I just write "fuck every single one of you" and "i'm fucking outta here" and I include actions like *whip out dick and bang principal's daughter* and then *drop mic and light up fat j* into the write up of my speech that I give her I should be fine and I'd actually be forced to do all of that or else she'd take my diploma right?
As we move on into the future, you will find that this is no longer a joint effort. You will be on your own to blaze a new trail. I’ll be blunt, you are going to take some big hits but don’t panic, just roll with the punches, take a deep breath, hold it in and let it out slowly. Life is not going to bowl you over. I know this class and I know that you will rise to the occasion and soar above the clouds, because you guys are all hungry for success. Right now, the future might look a little hazy, but don’t stress about it, just relax and enjoy the trip.
whip out 2 champagnes, shake them, spray at crowd. anything carbonated works. have your friends in the crowd do this too, but make it completely unexpected. be saying some fake emotional shit and then bring them out.