I highly doubt a photo of canton ave disproves my argument. When was the last time you did an ascent greater than 2000' on your fixie? Anyone can power up a moderately short hill, but you need good gear ratios to tackle a long slope.
I would take rear over front any day of the week. The front brake occasionally supplements on really tight situations, but if you need to quickly apply brakes on a steep slope you're fucked if you only use your front brake. A front may be more powerful, but it isn't exactly useful if it's just going to buck you.
As to when are you going to slam on the brakes? Oh I dunno, car cuts you off, car door opens, kid runs in front of you, alien attack, etc. etc. etc. You can slam on your brakes and not skid if you aren't an idiot. I bike commute 12 miles to and from school four days a week so its not like I'm new to this whole cycling thing. Sounds like you just have a case of pretentious hipster syndrome.