WTF English Language?!

why do we drive on the parkway and park on the driveway

It's summer!

every verb in the english language is irregular

The phrase implies you are taking the action of shitting.

Stay in school kids.

Why do you take the bus? Why is the sky blue? Why do kids start at different reading levels? Why is my shit green?

why do i live in texas? why cant i read?

if you live in texas why are you on newschoolers?

cargo goes on a ship, shipping goes in a car (truck)

but doesnt that make them 'regular' ?

Why do they call it a "near miss" in planes when really it's a near hit?

fuck you texas, fuck the lone star state..

and escargot is snail!

Inflamable means something catches on fire.

Why is water wet?

this always bothered me. inflammable and flammable mean virtually the same thing? how did that happen. they should be opposites

Why do I get sleepy after I touch myself?

Because the devil is trying to take you to hell.

Reading this feels kinda like reading the Woman Logic thread !!!

why doesnt my tongue get pruney even though its in my mouth and is never dry

Always enjoyed this:

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another.

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it

hamburgers were invented in hamburg

Inflammable means flammable? What a country!

french fries were invented in france

ice cream was invented in iceland

Chili was invented in Chile

i approve this message

Most entertaining thing i've read in a while, +k

It's cargo no matter what it's on, and shipping is the action applied to the cargo.
/pedantic

trolling or?

If the english language were consistent, shouldn't this word have something to do with feet, walking, or possibly children? Although perhaps that's the fault of the latin language.