Just a little over a year ago I got a phone call out of the Blue from a Man in Ensenada Mexico who had just bought a parasail boat and was intent on starting a new company. The first time we talked it was rather straight to the point, Do you know this business , can you operate the boat can you put people in the air.?? “Yeah,I know the business I know the boat and im going to make you a shit ton of money.
Over the next year we continued to talk every couple weeks , often I would get emails with questions and I would write back paragraphs of info. Needless to say, It wasn’t what he thought, He was overwhelmed and he needed me.
Last week I jumped on an airplane to San Diego for the first leg of my only trip outside of the USA. I got off the plane and walked down the escalator to find this 5’10 guy in his 60’s and his aged but wonderful “girlfriend” by his side. Quick intro and we headed for the truck.
Before we even get to Mexico, which is only like 15 miles from SD airport we stop at the duty free(tax free) store to pick up what looked like a Dozen boxes of cigarettes, vodka and a couple other bottles of nameless shit. The cigarettes where so bad you couldn’t take them back into the USA, they watched you drive it into Mexico ( if you went north they would report you and you’d get fucked) Then we crossed the “invisible “ line , the most intimidating place I have ever been the USA border to Mexico.
So on the way in its fucking chill right, you drive through a gate and some chick looks in your car to make sure your not importing a bunch of shit and then your off free. First thing I see when I get into the country is a godamn Mexican marine truck with 8 guys in the back with black masks and loaded M16’s then another one, they are buying 1 dolla pizza from a guy with a box of pizza’s on the back of his bike…
Since I was working in Mexico I had to do some paperwork so we walk by the soldiers and head into an office to drop a couple bucks for a Visa etc. SO that’s done we get in the truck and start heading south, through Tijuana. I have never seen so many Dirt soccer fields in my life, so much shit on the side of the road , graffiti on the walls. Not a single building in Tijuana is finished or even one color. Many don’t have windows and hundreds of them are partially finished shells, you know.. The buildings you see on CNN with bullet holes framing the empty concrete room, yeah different fucking planet.
On the way we stop for a beer, well I had a couple beers and both my hosts had 3-4 margaritas , I knew right then and there this was going be a wild week…So we get back I get into my house ( I have my own house) have dinner etc and start parasail.
For the next couple days im teaching, flying a bucket of concrete and water around in the ocean attached to a 34 foot parachute . We didn’t break anything, didn’t crash anything except when we did it on purpose and it was a good week. I had a language barrier to overcome but it wasn’t that big of a deal and they look good. Before they fly anyone there going to practice all month then I’m coming back.. Anyways..
So , after work we tend to hit up the bars in downtown Ensenada and the whole time the owner is talking about strip clubs and how his “girlfreind” is bi and when he brings home Hoe’s she tends to steal them and fuck em, how he used to be an actual pimp and a football player and yeah, this guy is a character. So im like yeah whatever and just smile and go with it.
Friday afternoon I was invited by the captain I trained to go check out some place down the coast. So I get in the car and this guy and his son are fucking nice as hell, Mexican angels - Mangals.. .. Anyways he says you like Pacifico or Cornona? And since I don’t drink piss beer I say pacifico and he says ok and we go straight to the Pacifico store ( yes there are many stores that are just outlets for beer of certain companies, corona ,Coors, pacifico etc.) and we pick up 2 6 packs a bag of ice and a cardboard box- Mexican ice chest… then we DRINK AND DRIVE to this place called La Bufidora, it is a blowhole on the coast that water chutes out of and is surrounded by 10,000 BORED as fuck Mexicans that are not excited in the least.
The Mexican people are not a tall people and my towering 5’10 self was looking over the crown of ALL Mexicans in this market. I could hear them saying Americano, they were all looking haha . I just wanted to laugh because sometimes I feel like this in the USA, it reminded me of Soccer practice in my California hometown.
That was a cool experience for me , I was taken to his house and I met his family and it was a real honor to hang out with him for the afternoon. But that night was the night that made the trip( except for that first breath of American air as I crossed back into the USA) the night on the town.
Showered up and looking fucking excellent, (I’m hot, I am TheStamos) we jump in the truck and head downtown to the first club. The owner knows the parking guy since he is there all the time and they set us up. Then I go inside, its fucking empty … The owner walks over to 2 girls sitting in a booth and sits down . These 2 women are whores, prostitutes etc.. HAHA so I’m fucking sold.( for entertainment purpose’s only, absolutely 0 sexual contact) so small talk etc and the next thing I know she is rubbing my legs and whispering in my ear. This women was not hot, she obviously had a go-to Taco stand and it must have been close. So we order drinks and the waitress brings us tequila shots we didn’t order trying to get use loosened up to spend some money. It got old fast, but I took care of the tequila and drank my beer and we got out. On to #2.
The next joint was going off. 8-10 incredible Mexican girls dancing on stage poppin there shirts off etc. We had good seats, nice clean view good access to some beer and yeah . This absolutely incredible girl grabs my hair as she walks by , climbs the stage and starts dancing right there for me. Have I mentioned that Mexican girls are out of this world hot? Well its true. she dances for a couple minutes gets off the stage and comes and sits on my lap haha. We talk for a quick minute in broken English and I say no thank you and boom she gets all catty and pissed off and storms away. Meanwhile my boss disappeared into some backroom and is having something done. (Mexican strip clubs are not like USA clubs, they are brothels and everything is for sale…)
At this point im pretty drunk and we walk over to the next club and my boss is zipping up his pants in the street as we cross. More beers and this is the B club, the second best you get me . SO this uhhh, gordo is dancing and taking it all off and there are 5 dudes from LA drinking corona by the bucket just in heaven and it gets old and sad real quick so its time to go .
SO I get out of the club and walk across the street on my weay heading for the truck and there is a pack of “girls” walking right at me. NBD right, just walk through them, well as soon as they get within grabbing distance my crotchal region is being fondled by 3 hands and it was just a typhoon of molestation. I thought it was funny till I got to the other side of the street waiting for my boss to gladly and slowly walk through the typhoon of dick grabbing. I looked over to this chick who was standing with her friend in the same place this group came from before they molested me and it was CLEARLY A MAN in a dress. Fucking Mexico.
