When we first got our drivers licenses my good friend and I strategized on how to avoid being ticketed after being pulled over by any form of law enforcement. We came up with several quality theories, but one of them, known as the "lap stare", has prevailed time and time again. To explain this complex technique, I will use a situation and dialogue to illustrate, step by step, the proper use of this fool proof system.
Jerome Wallace, a 16 year old adolescent driver is speeding on the Highway. The speed limit is 65 but Jerome is running late and traveling at a constant velocity of 75mph. Jerome notices flashing lights in his rearview mirror and pulls his honda pilot onto the shoulder of the road. He fumbles through his glove compartment and find his registration and proof of insurance, like a good neighbor state farm was there. He notices a chunky midsize state patrolman knocking on the window. Jerome rolls it down and greets the officer with a hearty "oh hey."
How the situation unfolds sans lap stare:
Officer: "Young man can I see your license and registration? More importantly do you know what I'm stopping you for?"
Jerome: Hands the officer paperwork/license "Not really, was i speeding?" Jerome is a teenager and according to society he is young, stupid, naive, and reckless and therefore doesn't pay attention while driving.
Officer: Officer: "Well you were going 10mph over the speed limit.It is important
that you get into the habit of obeying posted limits now. Always
remember that the safety of others is more important that being on time
to wherever you are going." (or other law enforcement banter)
Jerome: "I'm super sorry. I won't do it again."
Officer: "Well since you were speeding..." The officer's ranger hat has been chafing his forehead all day and he is tired and mildly annoyed... "i'm gonna have to write you a ticket."
Jerome: "Ok"
Situation after education in the lap stare
Officer: "Young man can I see your license and registration? More importantly do you know what I'm stopping you for?"
Jerome: Hands officer paper work. "not sure sir, was I speeding?"
Officer: "Well you were going 10mph over the speed limit.It is important that you get into the habit of obeying posted limits now. Always remember that the safety of others is more important that being on time to wherever you are going." (or other law enforcement banter)
Jerome: Takes a noticeable long stare directly at his member, making sure the police man notices him, noticing his hangdang.
Officer: Takes a long gander at Jerome's nono area in an effort to discover the magical event occurring in the urban youth's crotchal region.
Jerome: Looks up at the officer making sure to catch the cop looking at his junk. Jerome throw the cops one or more of the following facial expressions:
1)
2)
3)
Jerome continues the facial expression for up to 10 seconds without making any noise.
Officer: Feels awkward and creepy "Uh well son, I'm gonna le tyou off with a warning, I'm not really into tickets anyway." (or other recently discovered pedophile cop banter)
Jerome: "Thanks officer, enjoy the rest of your day, I'll try to be a more upstanding citizen from here on out." Drives away.
Hopefully this narrative and conversation explained the technique. If you need any clarification, or have other suggestions for avoiding a ticket feel free to let me know.
