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I dont understand people #1 ; The payback problem

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GSPhotography
Posts: 838 - Karma: 1,373

Excuse my english for starters, I am from quebec. I will do my best to be gramatically correct in my story.

I come from a rich family to be completely honest, I was spoiled when I was a kid , but my parents though me a lot of stuff about money. The most important thing , and also the most simple thing is that you have to work to make money. Since I was 15 years old, I have been working in between school and soccer and that has helped me put money aside for my future. My parents started to make me pay for my cellphone/clothes/rent/school at 16.

I also have been able to travel a lot more than you will ever wish for. Some people would think i am a trust found kid but I always pay for my stuff. That also has made me a very generous person. I bring my friends on trip and pay everything and really dont think about the money at the end.

The only issue about this is that people started to take advantage of that. Way too much. For the last 3 summers I have been going to Oregon, spending lots of money and letting people crash for free, Id cook for them even . I have a lot of exemple like these. No one seems to care about paying back , and I really wonder why. But that is my problem.

My question is;

How can you feel confortable living when you know you owe money to someone? Not only owe money , but also see the person you owe the money to frequently while skiing or doing other activities? I know I wouldnt? Also, how can you spend money that you dont have ?

Jan 31 2012 1:51PM
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ryano
Posts: 4465 - Karma: 1,535
irrelevant.. but its good to know there's still rich kids actually working for their money.
Jan 31 2012 1:55PM
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juninho
Posts: 252 - Karma: 11
oregon drifters is your answer my friend great thread btw
Jan 31 2012 1:57PM
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doitbig
Posts: 4818 - Karma: 315
Simple answer:  People are selfish.
Jan 31 2012 1:58PM
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Blurst
Posts: 13577 - Karma: 10,169
The problem is, is that you are probably setting a precedent that they do not need to pay you back and therefore they do not worry about having to pay you back.
Jan 31 2012 1:59PM
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Simmo
Posts: 512 - Karma: 28
You have to tell them that they have to pay beforehand.

And if your rich parents own a holiday place in Oregon I wouldn't make my friends pay to crash there
Jan 31 2012 2:00PM
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Blurst
Posts: 13577 - Karma: 10,169
lol
Jan 31 2012 2:01PM
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PON3
Posts: 3817 - Karma: 783
Well you have to realize people these days don't have the morals they used too.

My simple solution is to stop giving them free stuff :)
Jan 31 2012 2:01PM
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JakeAssBeatClap
Posts: 6673 - Karma: 2,537
Put them on the payment plan sister, it's like that dope game, Hustle that shit. Get your money back over the course of two weeks.
Jan 31 2012 2:02PM
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Mike-O
Posts: 14593 - Karma: 1,089
You sound like a terrific person anyway, so there's that. Didn't you suffer from bad scholiosis as well?

If they are your true friends and people you know will pay you back or compensate in some way at some time, I could let a debt slide for years as I knew it would come back and positively surprise me at some point, and it's happening vice versa although I try to pay anything I owe within a week or I might forget.

Jan 31 2012 2:06PM
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juninho
Posts: 252 - Karma: 11
you make her sound like the us governments alias
Jan 31 2012 2:06PM
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GSPhotography
Posts: 838 - Karma: 1,373

I forgot to mention that i tell them they need to pay me back.

Their excuses are somewhat along the lines of , I dont ahve the money rite now, or I dont have my wallet.

Sometimes people are fun to be around with so I dont really care fronting the money . And that is a weakness of mine.

Yes I still suffer from scoliosis. Its pretty bad.

Jan 31 2012 2:11PM
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Caspaaa
Posts: 4830 - Karma: 1,466
just remind them of it

next time they want to crash at your place tell them no until they can pay you back what they owe you
Jan 31 2012 2:18PM
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Caspaaa
Posts: 4830 - Karma: 1,466
dude you're a dick...
Jan 31 2012 2:20PM
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Casual.
Posts: 1125 - Karma: 28
Usually people hating on this site is funny and doesnt bug me. But honestly you need TO SHUT THE FUCK UP. the OP is asking a serious question you do not need to be such an ass. To the OP, I find myself in the same situation as you quite often. It sucks having people use you, but in the end it's your fault if you don't stand up for yourself. Just get in the habit of letting people know that you aren't an ATM machine.
Jan 31 2012 2:21PM
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GSPhotography
Posts: 838 - Karma: 1,373

One of my friends forgot his wallet 4 weeks ago when we were on ski trip to killington, I fronted his day ticket , food, and gas money, something around 110$ total.

I reminded him like 10 times. Always came up with excuses. He was skiin with me this weekend and told me he would give it back to me , he messaged me today saying he didnt owe me 110$ that it was less than that. And then he proceeded to tell me i had to drive to his house to get it, and then when i said i would, he said he didnt have all of it rite now, because he didnt work last week and so on...

So annoying, people are bitches.

I wouldnt care for 20$, but over 100$ is too much.

How can you feel great about yourself anyway in taht situation

Jan 31 2012 2:22PM
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JamesR
Posts: 3396 - Karma: -12
A lot of people take this the wrong way because popular culture equates going to therapy to being "fucked up". But I would suggest finding a good therapist and trying to learn more about yourself. You put yourself in those situations. That doesnt make you stupid and I certainly don't think less of you for wanting to help people out, it's just a fact. In the mean time, get the people who treat you badly out of your life. If they don't pay you back, they don't respect you. So again, i'll encourage you to see a therapist if you have the time and money. Self knowledge is always a good thing.
Jan 31 2012 2:22PM
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GSPhotography
Posts: 838 - Karma: 1,373

Thanks , I already do a lot of counceling because of my scoliosis problem and it has helped me a ton. Theres no shame in seeing a therapist.  The only problem is getting them out of my life doesnt give me back my money.

Jan 31 2012 2:24PM
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CassiusClay
Posts: 1757 - Karma: 2
Don't find a therapist like JamesR suggested, you don't need it. The only, sad, solution is to be less giving to everyone. You clearly understand that the gifts you've given haven't and probably won't be repaid. You can either (1) brush it off and keep on giving, or (2) stop giving to those ungrateful. Gifts are never forced to be repaid, however they should be if they are continual. The world is not always fair, but you can mitigate your losses by letting the ungrateful know that unless they pay up, they won't be receiving a cent from you in the future. Keep working hard, sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders.
Jan 31 2012 2:29PM
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Caspaaa
Posts: 4830 - Karma: 1,466
i have no idea how they can do that

if you can't get money back from past incidents you can at least prevent people from owing you more money by not lending them stuff all the time

sometimes it helps to not be so nice
Jan 31 2012 2:36PM
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Lé.Skiing
Posts: 10035 - Karma: 8,128
just stop doing things for people that seem to not give a red rats ass about paying you back.  its simple...  friends are friends irregardless if you have money or not to do stuff.  my friends and i back home used to buy each other meals and stuff if we were out or like buy each others beers.. it was kinda like if you had money you'd help each other out kinda deal, no fun if you're always the one who has to pay because then you too broke to even help yourself.  money to me is pretty easy come easy go, just recently have started to save.  hope shit buffs out for you in the end.
Jan 31 2012 2:46PM
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introvert
Posts: 4718 - Karma: 1,482
srs, OP...All your threads are so QQ
Jan 31 2012 2:50PM
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introvert
Posts: 4718 - Karma: 1,482
Regardless to my last post, lets hope he see's this thread, feels bad, and gets you your money back.
Jan 31 2012 2:58PM
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An10a_Eng
Posts: 2505 - Karma: 26
im right there with ya. i was always well off in high school but had to work to pay for my phone, car insurance, gas, recreation and pretty much everything outside of rent and groceries.
Jan 31 2012 3:06PM
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GORILLA.
Posts: 1112 - Karma: 70
when i get my friends to buy me stuff i always try to pay them back asap. i feel bad if i dont have any money, sometimes it takes a few weeks but i always get it back to them.

but with my group of close friends we usually just spot eachother for things, if i buy my friend a mcgangbang, he'll get me an energy drink next time we go skiing. it's a good system

but if you're friends arent paying you back, just don't loan them stuff. i have no problem saying "haha no i'm not buying you lunch fucker you won't pay me back"
Jan 31 2012 3:17PM
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theBearJew
Posts: 10951 - Karma: 15,633
I have a friend whose parents have a house on the mountains in Aspen. Ski in ski out, most amazing house i have ever seen/been in.

He has taken friends out before to the house with his family there and he has taken friends to the house just as a group of friends with no family present. The first time we went was with family and they pretty much paid for everything. It was awesome but by no means did I have the money to pay them back for it. Instead the people who came got together and bought something for their house to say thanks and that we were appreciative.

The next time the parents didnt pay for everything and we paid our way to get there, food, lift tickets and everything but stay. Still we were very thankful to them and instead of buying something for the house we would pay for dinner for them one night or something.

Bottom line is that they never told us they would pay for the things they did. I never expected a free trip or even as cheap as the trip was. Because we were so shocked and thankful they did all that for us we felt the need to show them thanks and "pay them back"

You cant expect them to pay you back, but maybe they are thanking you in some other ways that you may not be noticing.. If not, then dont give them the idea you are supplying a free trip.
Jan 31 2012 3:26PM
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Rachy
Posts: 4355 - Karma: 2,761
Most people suck.

I've been learning that a lot recently as well.

I had a girl owe me $600 for a deposit on a place we both lived. She never paid me back. Over a year later she sends me an email saying she hopes that all is good between us and that we can hang out when she's back in town.

I told her we could hang out once she paid me back.

She said she couldn't believe that I was still dwelling on that. WTF?! $600 is a lot of money.

But yeah, people really suck.
Jan 31 2012 3:38PM
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Mike-O
Posts: 14593 - Karma: 1,089
Hahaha, she was really testing the ice with a fucking hippo.
Jan 31 2012 3:40PM
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eheath
Posts: 61648 - Karma: 123,472
No one is going to pay you money unless you tell them to. Offering people a place to stay for free and then expecting money is just going to fuck you over. If you want people to pay for shit, be upfront and honest and if they wont pay tell them to gtfo.
Jan 31 2012 3:47PM
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theBearJew
Posts: 10951 - Karma: 15,633
hahahaha nice analogy. She should have said yea lets hang out then when they see each other demand 600 in person.
Jan 31 2012 3:51PM
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I_Am_Mod
Posts: 13214 - Karma: 3,753
next time someone leeches off you, make em your Lackey!
Make them carry your gear, dust snow off your skis, close your boots, etc.

it's a win win situation + it's funny as hell !
Jan 31 2012 3:52PM
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Drail
Posts: 14012 - Karma: 10,011
A few things. your parents made you start paying rent when you were 16? I find that extremely harsh, especially after you said they were rich? Assholes.

Secondly, you sound very two faced. You say you offer your place for your friends to crash and even cook for them, but wonder why no one is paying you? If you offer something, don't expect a return, that's shallow. Your rant had nothing to do with your end question. If I have a friend over and I'm about to cook up some food, of course I will offer him/her some. Do I expect anything in return? Of course not, that's a dick move.


As for your final question of "how do you spend money you don't have?" - the entire western world bases their economy off of just that.

Something tells me you still have a lot to learn in life.
Jan 31 2012 4:21PM
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jibmeisterflex
Posts: 719 - Karma: 63
Next time they ask to borrow money say you forgot your wallet.
Jan 31 2012 4:38PM
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Alias_
Posts: 82 - Karma: 61
this.


Don't let people step all over you. And don't offer free hospitality if you actually want to charge them.

gotta think ahead.


Jan 31 2012 7:15PM
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Blurst
Posts: 13577 - Karma: 10,169
Thankyou for saying what I didnt know how to say.
Feb 1 2012 10:01AM
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207
Posts: 8969 - Karma: 3,846
i honestly can't feel comfortable knowing i owe someone money.
Feb 1 2012 10:15AM
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