Replying to The Ethical Slut

As some of you Ladies' Men know, I have had some experiences with an older woman in an open marriage. This prompted me to make something of an academic and experiential exploration into the world of polyamory and nonmonagamous relationships. Being somewhere between "above average libido" and "hypersexual", I'm pretty in-touch with my sexuality, and I'm incredibly open, both to new experiences, and in sharing my own.

First, Dossie and Janet, the authors, reclaim the term "slut"; "To us, a slut is a person of any gender who celebrates sexuality according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you." They argue that the needs of individuals on a platonic, romantic, and sexual level are incredibly diverse. So much so, that they cannot be fulfilled by the efforts of a single person. Think about it. If you've had sex with more than a couple people, you can certainly attest to the fact that different people have different things to offer on a sexual level. Some partners offer soft, slow loving; others move hard and fast. You might like one partner for the way he pleasures you, another for the pleasure you get in making her have a back-arching orgasm. Perhaps you like it rough sometimes, or you're attracted to both genders. Or perhaps the relationship need not be sexual at all; deep conversation or a back rub can feel just as good, sometimes better. And because of the multifaceted nature of our individual needs, it would be a full time job to keep you where you need to be.

They note that all too often in our society, we have a tendency to be reliant on our partners to fulfill our needs. It seems as if some people are unable to feel "whole" without being involved in a relationship; as if those who are single are simply "between relationships". But aren't you whole on your own? Do you really need a "better half" to complete you? This book proposes that our needs are OUR own responsibilities. Polyamory is an exercise in emotional and sexual autonomy.

There are literally dozens of relationship configurations that fit under the umbrella of polyamory. From generally monogamous marriages with the occasional "fling", to threesome relationships and even "tribes" or "constellations" involving many dozens of people intertwined. Partners need not live with one another.

I'm posting this here mostly to encourage people to challenge the status quo regarding how they love and connect with other people. I'm interested to hear peoples' thoughts on the subject, it seems like there is a great deal of ignorance surrounding the subject ("what? are you mormon?" and "ew I don't cheat, that's wrong"). I encourage each of you to educate yourself on the concept, even if it's not something you think you'd pursue, it's good to dispel ignorance and explore new territory within the human condition.

I find this sort of thing endlessly interesting. I'm thinking about picking up a Gender & Women's studies minor.