I recently opened a thread which no longer exists, attempting to drum up votes for a grant contest. I had to open it because I want to create threads to whore up votes for my own Local Hero entry. So clearly I was curious about this whore competitor. Well who was this competitor? Someone representing SFC, Snowboarders and Skiers for Christ.( if this website isn't for a cult I don't know what is
http://sfc-usa.com/about-us/) Right off the bat my sensibilities were offended. Evangelicals piss me off and so do those who co-opt my peaceful mountain lifestyle for their own gain. Also those who can't have a good time in ritualistic Satanic or Pagan worship and sacrifice. Or maybe those who can't find humor in GWAR's smash hit Baby Raper.
These clowns are a direct threat to all of us. They start you off with free coffee and snacks and before you know it you're a full-blown aid to Christ, joining the crusade for new Jesus clubs in new towns. Do you know what the Christians gave us? Creed. And Evanescence. Unforgivable! Do you know what Satan gave us? Slayer, which gave us the intro to 1242. Let's not even talk about booze and weed. The ski world would collapse without them. Remember when skiing used to be kind of punk and nobody was sponsored by Target and thus nobody cared if Glen Plake shot enema juice on a sliding glass door in Guatemalan Persuader? It was disgusting, and awesome. I bet SFCkers don't play GNAR.
What will the poor ski area of Devil's Elbow do (
http://www.devilselbow.com/) when these sneaky missionaries show up? They'll have to change their name or shut down! What will the poor people of Bethany, Ontario do? Or what about Hellroaring Basin at Whitefish? Or Devil's Head, Wisconsin? These people will stop at nothing to convert every last honest ski bum to their ways and they must be stopped. I hereby request that every new edit, every new movie, be populated by nothing but Necro and In Flames songs.
What will happen in these fanatics' new world to our friends and beloved pros? Yeah Bobby Brown is pretty much Skiing's Tim Tebow, he'll probably be fine. But what about Chug, Max Hill, Pete Olenick, our very own Jeff Schmuck? All fucked, they like to party. When these extremists get their way there'll be nothing left for us but prayer groups. I for one am taking a stand. Fuck you and your evangelical bullshit, I won't have it. Now I have nothing against Christianity as a whole, shit if I were enough like Jesus to heal myself my life would be majestically different. But I quit going to church as a little kid so I could go skiing and evangelism did nothing for the world but make Mexico really creepy with their half Catholic, half Aztec voodoo mumbojumbo. The Japanese had the right idea keeping the white man out, nothing but trouble.
/rant.
