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October, 2024

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Things your family say.

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Childstar.
Posts: 1947 - Karma: 2,212
My Sister:
"you'd shit your pants, then take pictures of it"

My Dad:
"your grandpa is a pie slut, he'll eat any pie"

Share your best!
Oct 25 2011 9:55PM
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jfxphoto
Posts: 2038 - Karma: 2,346
Mom
"Get out of my house and never come back."
Oct 25 2011 9:58PM
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introvert
Posts: 4718 - Karma: 1,482
Mom
"You're fucking pathetic"
Oct 25 2011 9:59PM
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The_Lord_of_Love
Posts: 251 - Karma: 11
Me talking about my brother: Yea well Johns made some pretty stupid choices
my dad: He's a fucking idiot
Oct 25 2011 9:59PM
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SPskier543
Posts: 2413 - Karma: 324
Mom: Fuck you
Oct 25 2011 9:59PM
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Skittle.
Posts: 2537 - Karma: 718
my mom saw a thread on here titled SET YOUR FAP ALARMS and now always asks me what a fap alarm is...
Oct 25 2011 10:02PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51662 - Karma: 162,483
My dad drops all kinds of shit instead of swearing. Some of the shit that he says is pretty strange.


My mom says I'm adopted
Oct 25 2011 10:04PM
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1337
Posts: 31054 - Karma: 29,246
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA
Oct 25 2011 10:04PM
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introvert
Posts: 4718 - Karma: 1,482
this thread is lol
Oct 25 2011 10:05PM
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pink_squid
Posts: 1188 - Karma: 368
mom: your going nowhere in life

dad: he might be going somewhere

mom: where?

dad: the shitter
Oct 25 2011 10:06PM
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Bro.J.
Posts: 184 - Karma: 13
Dad: "You're a jellyfish. You have no backbone."
Oct 25 2011 10:07PM
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Panda_with_Guns
Posts: 3040 - Karma: 1,620
"get off your fucking computer and do your work" ns gets me in lots-o-trouble
Oct 25 2011 10:10PM
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NataliePortman
Posts: 1382 - Karma: 84
Oct 25 2011 10:10PM
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BILL.COSBY
Posts: 292 - Karma: 5
GET ALL THE FUCKING GARBAGE OUT OF YOUR ROOM.
Oct 25 2011 10:11PM
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Childstar.
Posts: 1947 - Karma: 2,212
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL i remember that thread...
Oct 25 2011 10:12PM
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erica
Posts: 3450 - Karma: 24,083
My grandpa makes up nicknames for everything and everyone: K-Mart = Come Apart, Brett Favre = Brett Fart, Ron Gardenhire = Goofinhire. and trust me, the list goes on.
Oct 25 2011 10:16PM
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Creator
Posts: 1914 - Karma: 87
Dad:
You're worthless and will never amount to anything

Mom:
Here's a new car to make up for what ur dad said

Brother:
Why does he get an $87,000 car he doesn't even have his permit

Me:
Holllllddddddddd myyyyyyyyyyyy dickkkkkkkkkkkkkk


Oct 25 2011 10:16PM
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dubtwo
Posts: 590 - Karma: 114
at dinner with family and grandma

Grandma:(sees interracial couple) what do you think of interracial couples? (she obviously hates them)

Me: I think they are fine.

Grandma: Oh...
Oct 25 2011 10:23PM
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BILL.COSBY
Posts: 292 - Karma: 5
BUT SHE WONT BUY YOU A SEASON PASS?
Oct 25 2011 10:24PM
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Gorilla.Steeze
Posts: 2215 - Karma: 43
Background: There was a party across the street and people were grilling outside.

Grandma: What are all those cans doing across the street?

Me: Cans? What are you talking about grandma?

Grandma: You know, Mexicans, Dominicans, Africans....
Oct 25 2011 10:44PM
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Gorilla.Steeze
Posts: 2215 - Karma: 43
Background: There was a party across the street and people were grilling outside.

Grandma: What are all those cans doing across the street?

Me: Cans? What are you talking about grandma?

Grandma: You know, Mexicans, Dominicans, Africans....
Oct 25 2011 10:44PM
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TACO-DOG.exe
Posts: 11988 - Karma: 12,261
dad: FUCK YOU KID YOU'RE A DICK

dad: GARBAGE DISPOSAL SOUNDS LIKE CHEWBACA TAKING A SHIT

me: we're all out of cereal

dad: there's some total right here

me: but i don't like total

dad: DON'T TALK SHIT ABOUT TOTAL
Oct 25 2011 10:50PM
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TallerThanThou
Posts: 615 - Karma: 13
I have the classiest Grandpa ever. But every Thanksgiving, he sits at one end of the table and asks someone at the other end if they, "would like the butter up their end."

He then proceeds to giggle uncontrollably and nearly drop said butter into the tray of gravy.
Oct 25 2011 10:54PM
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rareison
Posts: 10263 - Karma: 219
lolololol, Tourettes Guy is fucking hilarious.
Oct 25 2011 11:04PM
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Broken_Rides
Posts: 334 - Karma: 224
Mom: I find 1 more grow-op in your closet, you can move out.
Oct 26 2011 2:48AM
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Oldmann1584
Posts: 1399 - Karma: 95
mom

"your perfect just the way you are and i love you"
Oct 26 2011 6:30AM
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.spaghetticat.
Posts: 4283 - Karma: 890
dad- (quoting the nature walk video)
thats pretty neat
Oct 26 2011 6:33AM
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84891jnf92048
Posts: 11552 - Karma: 2,550
dad: you and my father say the most disgusting things. I'm just string here as the middle generation, all innocent, getting smashed from both sides by both of you being completely vulgar and gross.
Oct 26 2011 6:48AM
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neutralzombie
Posts: 8629 - Karma: 606
context; dinner at chinese restaurant with aunt, cousins, dad, brother.

end of the night

waitress : "would you like dessert? we have fried pineapple or fried banana or green tea ice cream."

father: "can i have the fried banana in the fried pineapple?" *hand motions*
Oct 26 2011 9:01AM
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ryan.c
Posts: 6592 - Karma: 14
i was driving with my dad in the car one day and this indian lady almost pulled out in front of me and my dad called her "a fucking curry muncher" and got real pissed. i couldnt stop laughing
Oct 26 2011 1:17PM
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chicken
Posts: 6843 - Karma: 2,123
if you are to lazy to get up and do something my grandpa will say

"what, do you have a piano tied to your leg?"

Oct 26 2011 1:21PM
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soulskier
Posts: 17806 - Karma: 3,841
my dad does the most incredible james earl jones
Oct 26 2011 1:22PM
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jibnut
Posts: 3038 - Karma: 304
My grandma calls black people negroids. And my dad's pretty racist.
Oct 26 2011 1:22PM
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skeedle
Posts: 6156 - Karma: 628
my mom tried to convince me for months she had windows on her mac. and i kept telling her that it was a possible thing to do, but she didn't have it. then her mac crashed and she was getting all her new software and asked me if she could use my student discount to get excel, and i then realized that for months her and i had been arguing whether not she had microsoft office on her mac, not windows....


Oct 26 2011 1:26PM
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COrider
Posts: 1498 - Karma: 23
Haha these have me cracking up, I'll post some when I can think of them.
Oct 26 2011 1:40PM
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skeedle
Posts: 6156 - Karma: 628
AND
she just texted me:
"whn u come home next, can u plz bring me my access bk"
and the font on her iphone is HUGE so she can "text while she drives"

Oct 26 2011 1:45PM
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Relish_man
Posts: 5386 - Karma: 551
My dad pretends to be racist just to troll my mom...


example: (weather channel; a black weatherman is talking)
my dad: i don't want the black weather report

not funny just kind of funny
Oct 26 2011 1:49PM
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rumpelstiltskin
Posts: 6 - Karma: 10

My dad: So are you going to be able to come home this weekend?

Me: Nooopee

My dad: Chuck Testa

Oct 26 2011 1:52PM
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zakaroo
Posts: 751 - Karma: 37
Backround: My dad and I were talking about when we moved across the country. He drove and I flew with my mom.

Dad: Yeah, your aunt and I smoked our way across the country.

Me: Really?

Dad: Your aunt can roll a joint with one hand. Its fucking magical.
Oct 26 2011 1:53PM
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uosdwiSrjewoH
Posts: 4220 - Karma: 122
wow, your guys parents don't seem to like you

my mom's best goes like this, few years ago when we first got a nice tv

mom: i don't want you hooking up your playstation to the new tv
me: but it's the only tv with hdmi hookups, i kind of need to
mom: well fine, but be careful, i don't want you to give the tv a virus or something

though i would have preferred "here's an 87,000 car"

Oct 26 2011 1:55PM
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Daph
Posts: 5978 - Karma: 5,009
Dad- "if you keep getting mediocre grades you might as well just start practicing the phrase 'do you want whipped cream on that?'"

he is a large animal vet and likes to compare whatever we're eating to something he's seen while practicing. The most common is comparing sour cream and guac to the the inside of a uterine abcess on a cow. mmmm.
Oct 26 2011 1:57PM
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ryantheconnolly
Posts: 2027 - Karma: 108
one time my family was playing the office board game and one of the rules is you can shout "thats what she said" to get extra points when it makes sense. my mom isnt what you would call fun so she was geting all offended when we would do it so i said "fine mom why dont you just play with yourself in the corner then" and my dad yells "thats what she said!". truly a classic moment
Oct 26 2011 2:13PM
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PopsicleStand
Posts: 6890 - Karma: 147
When I was around 16-17 a friend and I were headed to NH real early one morning for a hiking trip. We changed our plans for some reason or the other and we decided to take my car. So I wanted to leave a note for my parents explaining what happened so they wouldn't be confused, when I got the bright idea to write a long note saying I was running away and that I hated them etc etc. At the very bottom I put "flip" and wrote what we actually did.

Fast forward to like 9am, we are driving through northern NH like 5 hours from home having a merry time. I get a call from my mom, and she goes (in a real serious voice)

Her - "Come home Adam."

Me- "What?!?!" Then I remembered my note and figured she was mad at me...
Me- "No way! I can't come home I'm sorry! It was just a joke!"

Her- "No, you have to come home. Your father read the note this morning and had a heart attack. He is in the ICU right now."

My fucking heart dropped all the way to my feet. I was choked up so bad I almost threw up. I stuttered, unable to get any words out.

Her- "Just kidding. Not funny when it happens to you is it? Have a good trip honey."

I was fucking floored. I could barely even laugh, but I managed a couple of chuckles. I was still too shocked.

I kid you not that is exactly how it went down. My mom burned me so bad.
Oct 26 2011 2:15PM
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soulskier
Posts: 17806 - Karma: 3,841
Oct 26 2011 2:17PM
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Blurst
Posts: 13577 - Karma: 10,169
My grandma calls brazilian nuts nigger toes. She also gave a door to door salesman a hunk of cheeese because he was hungry.
Oct 26 2011 2:21PM
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PacificRimJob
Posts: 24725 - Karma: 29,944
Mom: "God Damn Toyota Camrys... all driven by gooks and old fuckers"

"...and ragheads too"

*breaks into "everyone's a little bit racist" song from Avenue Q

Dad: "Dude, That's hella sick"

Me: "Dad, it sounds so funny when you say "hella""

Dad: "bitch, I'm from Oakland, we invented that shitttt"
Oct 26 2011 2:22PM
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muFFn
Posts: 1040 - Karma: 74
*At a Qdoba in town, which my family goes to regularly*

Dad: What is the difference between a burrito and a quesadilla?
(He pronounced quesadilla with an L instead of a Y too.)

Worker: Uhhmmm... one is flat with cheese and chicken. The other is rolled up with numerous ingredients...

My mother, sister and I were like
Click for larger image

My dad sometimes is so oblivious...
Oct 26 2011 2:27PM
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PacificRimJob
Posts: 24725 - Karma: 29,944
See, that's like treason in California... QuesadEEYUZ and burritos are kinda important to our diets out here...

Oct 26 2011 2:29PM
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84891jnf92048
Posts: 11552 - Karma: 2,550
thats awesome.
Oct 26 2011 2:36PM
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Toasty.
Posts: 6196 - Karma: 2,302
My dad just quotes Dumb and Dumber all the time....

my mom swears profusely for no reason.

And both my parents talk shit about the germans we live around.
Oct 26 2011 2:50PM
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hoodratz47
Posts: 12020 - Karma: 9,475
i was talking to my mom about my buddy who almost got conned into rasing a black baby that was no his. and i said.. imagine when the baby had came out and it was black and jason would have been. FUCK YOU BITCH

she goes.. some times the baby is not black. but you can tell by its mogoloid features!

i was like MOM REALLY!. she was like Shit i did not mean to say that.



my dad. that's you re mountain boys.. you will never forget that.

and once at the A&W. he was in a hurry and took the garbage. and yelled. I DONT HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT> and just threw it out the window.
Oct 26 2011 3:15PM
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