Replying to Investing money in stocks

So I'm a lazy 17 year old and need some money. So i'm going to invest it in stocks. And before you say "get a job", no I'm in school and can't get a job. Besides you actually have to work at a job. Yes I know nothing about stocks, but my father said he would do the dirty business if I gave him the money.

So NSG, naturally I am going to put my faith and future wealth in your hands. You must make me money. I have $1000. What stock do I invest in and how many shares?

inb4 get a job you lazy fucker