Using toilet protection

when you get butt hole harpies don't come crying to us.

Usually my anal orifice never comes into contact with the toilet seat. Am I doing it wrong?

you def gotta smear your chocolate starfish all around the porcelain throne. it's the only way to warn other predators that you've staked your claim in that shitter

i lived in my frats liveout for a year. We had hundreds of drunk, STD infested people come through every week, and the bathrooms were not cleaned a single time the entire time i lived there. I am still STD free, somehow, and all i used was a quick wipedown of the seat, and i was good to go. I used to absolutely love using public restrooms because they were so much cleaner than my own bathroom. Ive also taken a shower in a puke filled shower because it was 745am and i had a midterm to go to at 8.


I completely understand people who like their house spotless, and sanitary like an operating room; hell i grew up in that kind of house. BUT i cant stand people who freak out when forced to live in/ use unsanitary stuff. im actually kind of thankful for living there because i used to be real squimish about that stuff. now, i am completely comfortable in everything from a crack den, to a mexican whore house.

why not just hover?

if you are trying to make a splash in a pool, do you slide in the water gently? or do you find the highest diving board, and launch a cannonball. Normally, if the toilet is so nasty that you have to hover, you probly dont want that water splashing on your open ass. just saying.

actually it turns out its probably the same bacteria http://www.wcax.com/story/15699296/study-finds-e-coli-on-cellphones
but like i said, you cant just absorb the bacteria into your body

i need to patent this idea..... a bar above the toilet so you can hang safely above the nastyass cover without pulling your hamstring/quad straining too hard

and some random fool will proceed to puke and shit all over that bar, like so many toilet seats before it.

i poo in urinals.