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KilaTsunami
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HELP!!! I think there are chemickals up my butt....

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The.Man
Posts: 212 - Karma: 249
Okay, a little background.

So we have this upstairs toilet. And for some reason, it gets this weird crackling in the paint, I don't even know what it is. It looks bad, like the paint is cracked, so we use this really intense toilet bowl cleaner to get it out.

So while I was sleeping this morning, my mom cleaned it with the chemickals. This shit has to sit for an hour to get them out, then you have to flush it before use. Really is some heavy stuff.

Anyway.

I woke up, still half asleep and went to take my morning poo. After the first release, I guess the bay doors were still open, and a lot, and I mean a LOT of water shot up the opening. Natural instinct is to close up, right? yeah.

Then the pain set in.

FIrst my asshole, then my rectum began burning with the intensity of a thousand suns. Feels like a fucking dragon is giving me a rimjob right now, I can't sit down on it. I'm lying on my side and typing this and IT FUCKING KILLS.

This was an hour or two ago, and the pain keeps getting worse. I had to use my cellphone to see if it was swollen, so I took a picture of me butthoal and it's really red and irritated.

I tried shooting more water up it with an ear cleaner thing but that didn't help at all. I'm afraid cause I think I have to shit again soon....

HELP
Oct 16 2011 11:04AM
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LAME.
Posts: 5795 - Karma: 2,449
el oh el
Oct 16 2011 4:21PM
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Bart.Man
Posts: 1742 - Karma: 1,952
oh balls dude! you mixed aloe with that shit?! The reason its got a cooling effect is cause its an endothermic reaction of epic proportions! Prepare for an explosion of your bowls out your anus!!!!
Oct 16 2011 4:31PM
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bustinthejus
Posts: 2419 - Karma: 74
Erryone droppin dat 11th grade chem knowledge up in dis thread...
Oct 16 2011 4:35PM
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gus555
Posts: 4170 - Karma: 34
thats my template!
Oct 16 2011 4:38PM
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triebby
Posts: 8670 - Karma: 2,190
Fucking GREAT quote.
Oct 16 2011 4:39PM
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-emile-
Posts: 6613 - Karma: 8,592
Click for larger image
Oct 16 2011 4:41PM
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THCfilmz
Posts: 155 - Karma: 351
beautiful
i respect you
Oct 16 2011 4:41PM
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TOK
Posts: 2928 - Karma: 2,540
do not ever break up with this girlfriend. She's sincerely concerned with the condition of your damaged anus, keeper.
Oct 16 2011 5:11PM
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Davy.Crockett
Posts: 5373 - Karma: 324
hahahhhahahaha this. for the whole thread
Oct 16 2011 5:14PM
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KrazyistKarl
Posts: 1725 - Karma: 599
just read the HOLE thread. so many LOL's
Oct 16 2011 5:21PM
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Mr.Turtle
Posts: 3690 - Karma: 96
unreal
Oct 16 2011 5:21PM
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The.Man
Posts: 212 - Karma: 249
Okay.

10/11 hours after the incident.

Had to poop again, shat my brains out. I was in tears because of the burning. going 10 hours strong, I told my mom and she's taking me to the doctor tomorrow. Should be an interesting visit.
Oct 16 2011 7:14PM
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-emile-
Posts: 6613 - Karma: 8,592
hmmm yes yes indeed
Oct 16 2011 7:16PM
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TOK
Posts: 2928 - Karma: 2,540
hahaha, first?
Oct 16 2011 7:17PM
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SPskier543
Posts: 2413 - Karma: 324
Click for larger image
Oct 16 2011 7:21PM
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McFellon
Posts: 1841 - Karma: 2,005
I couldn't stop laughing at the thread title.
Oct 16 2011 7:22PM
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Bumblesteeze
Posts: 3092 - Karma: 748
I don't know what to say.
Oct 16 2011 7:33PM
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CliffyByro
Posts: 5678 - Karma: 3,903
i'm on to you papa_lanks.......
Oct 16 2011 7:36PM
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Jahrassicpark
Posts: 2075 - Karma: 38
haha dude go take a poo, and eat lots of cleansing food and drink lots of water and junk to flush out your system
Oct 16 2011 7:38PM
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Crispy.
Posts: 6111 - Karma: 7,686
Going to try to get into the first 10 pages of this thread...
Oct 16 2011 7:50PM
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jayo.
Posts: 5015 - Karma: 34
This is the best thing I have ever read
Oct 16 2011 7:50PM
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Flying~Squirrel
Posts: 6494 - Karma: 192
inb4 he does it for fun later
Oct 16 2011 7:51PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51662 - Karma: 162,478
This is what I've been chasing everytime I take a dump. Never can get that rush like that first time.

Sounds fun.
Oct 16 2011 7:51PM
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gregorio
Posts: 2372 - Karma: 151
this is fantastic
Oct 16 2011 7:55PM
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Rumi.
Posts: 1231 - Karma: 556
could be in top 100 funniest threads
Oct 16 2011 8:04PM
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Zimmerman
Posts: 6992 - Karma: 1,021
can't wait to read this tomorrow
Oct 16 2011 8:18PM
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ryantheconnolly
Posts: 2027 - Karma: 108
holy shit threads for doctors diagnosis. your butthole will never be the same
Oct 16 2011 8:30PM
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wait.what
Posts: 1694 - Karma: 529
Butt chug a beer
Oct 16 2011 8:36PM
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RalphLauren.
Posts: 710 - Karma: 106
this thread is going to get out of control
Oct 16 2011 8:40PM
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J.M
Posts: 2854 - Karma: 254
Let us know how it goes! prepare for the snapping of the gloves haha
Oct 16 2011 8:42PM
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sneezin
Posts: 632 - Karma: 430
pics or gtfo
Oct 16 2011 8:45PM
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SenditSerg
Posts: 273 - Karma: 144
threads for the doctors visit ahahahaha
Oct 16 2011 8:46PM
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Alexander_Keith
Posts: 3204 - Karma: 25

This just made my current bladder infection less terrible. I am terrified of the bathroom and I know how you feel. Don't eat anything

Oct 16 2011 8:48PM
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a_pla5tic_bag
Posts: 9215 - Karma: 5,398
now this is fucking funny.
Oct 16 2011 8:53PM
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MothaHucker
Posts: 4678 - Karma: 2,591
HAHAHAHAAHHA
Oct 16 2011 8:57PM
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skiingblowsme
Posts: 664 - Karma: 100
This is gross
Oct 16 2011 9:13PM
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Slippery_Gypsy
Posts: 124 - Karma: 0
can't wait until tomorrow after the doctor visit xD
Oct 16 2011 9:20PM
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Bear_Grylls
Posts: 1223 - Karma: 300
quote of the year. thank you sir for the laugh.
Oct 16 2011 9:29PM
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Black.Bird
Posts: 2566 - Karma: 684
Sorry, I laughed quite a bit !
Oct 16 2011 9:31PM
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The.Man
Posts: 212 - Karma: 249
It's okay, I would be laughing my ass off too if mine DIDN'T FUCKING ITSELF OFF FROM THE INSIDE OUT.

Regardless, my sister, who caught wind of this (and will never let me forget it) suggested that I wax/shave my asshole so the doctor can get a better view / make it easier / less painful

I thought it was a stupid idea at first, but I mean, should I? I don't plan on it.
Appointment is set for 10:00 a.m. tomorrow.
Oct 16 2011 9:34PM
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POW-WOW
Posts: 1464 - Karma: 46
FIRST! reply
Oct 16 2011 9:36PM
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Timotheezy.
Posts: 747 - Karma: 157
god damn...
Oct 16 2011 9:36PM
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Bean_Slc
Posts: 514 - Karma: 25
Sounds like a solid plan, I hear doctors hate hairy assholes
Oct 16 2011 9:39PM
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Darth.Maul
Posts: 2472 - Karma: 652
Haha I would just leave your ass hair intact. Last thing I would want to do is shave my purple, swollen shitpipe.....
Oct 16 2011 9:41PM
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snowisfun
Posts: 215 - Karma: 24
Hahahahahahahaha this is amazing.
Oct 16 2011 9:48PM
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Chubz.
Posts: 13918 - Karma: 25,661
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oct 16 2011 9:54PM
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Bear_Grylls
Posts: 1223 - Karma: 300
seriously, if you nicked it right now you would want to kill yourself. i get shivers thinking about the pain haha
Oct 16 2011 9:55PM
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1337
Posts: 31054 - Karma: 29,246
calling troll now...
Oct 16 2011 9:57PM
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Darth.Maul
Posts: 2472 - Karma: 652
You should poke a small hole to release the blood blockade in your ass...
Oct 16 2011 9:57PM
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H8CH
Posts: 2709 - Karma: 218
inb4 chemical burn to your rusty sherif's badge diagnosis...

What a shitter... pun intended.

Was it caustic soda?! If it was - you'd defo know about that shit on your chocolate starfish...

in honor of the OP.... because you now have an ass very much like the....



Oct 16 2011 10:00PM
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