Personal issue, help me out everyone!

Posts: 344 - Karma: -127

Karma: -127

Posts: 344

Loner

Hey everybody, well long story short my new boyfriend and I are having a little bit of a problem. It's good/bad kinda. I'm not on birth control because obviously that's not right and so we've been using condoms but even magnums are too small for him. It's really not making things easy and idk who to ask for help so can you guys give me some advice?!

He said that it "fits ok around the shaft" but that it's really tight at the bottom like where it goes around his ballsack. So maybe if anybody knows of a company that makes longer ones that have extra room at the bottom to fit around the ballsack better. I'm so embarrassed to ask but we could really use some suggestions. Anybody???

Oct 6 2011 9:45AM

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Huck_Norris

Posts: 11487 - Karma: 18,627

Karma: 18,627

Posts: 11487

Crazy Fool

Word. When I let a girl keep the change I just crack open a fresh babykiller and sprinkle it over her. Y'know, just in case.

Oct 6 2011 1:50PM

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Aomame

Posts: 281 - Karma: 480

Karma: 480

Posts: 281

Loner

O RLY?

Oct 6 2011 2:42PM

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Mr.Huck

Posts: 6096 - Karma: 14,896

Karma: 14,896

Posts: 6096

No Life

OK Lindsay. Here you go. I bought this stuff to fix a leak in my roof. Worked great. This should do the trick, but getting it off might be a problem. I'll leave you guys to figure that one out.

Oct 6 2011 3:08PM

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Funkadelic

Posts: 1967 - Karma: 391

Karma: 391

Posts: 1967

Insane

Saran wrap and/or aluminum foil. It's up to you to choose.

Oct 6 2011 3:40PM

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ski.free

Posts: 75 - Karma: 34

Karma: 34

Posts: 75

Wannabe

I used my alias for this thread so the answer would be taken serous, even though I'm still 99.5% sure your a troll, but i have the same problem it's called trogan XL but depending on where you live they can be impossible to find. However be careful because the last time i had sex with a girl she only had sex with about two other people, and was on the smaller side, but i went a little to hard and i actually rip her cervix witch i didn't know was a real thing that could happened. but again im 99% sure this is not real

Oct 6 2011 4:03PM

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ski.free

Posts: 75 - Karma: 34

Karma: 34

Posts: 75

Wannabe

Nvm i didn't read your whole thing. Yeah Google how to put on a condom.

Oct 6 2011 4:12PM

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rudager

Posts: 11335 - Karma: 4,620

Karma: 4,620

Posts: 11335

Crazy Fool

I'm sure if you look in convienience stores in the projects, you can find some xls

Oct 6 2011 4:13PM

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seward

Posts: 5233 - Karma: 2,174

Karma: 2,174

Posts: 5233

No Life

why go get abortions??

god made latex gloves and coat hangers for a reason.

Oct 6 2011 4:27PM

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PacificRimJob

Posts: 24725 - Karma: 29,936

Karma: 29,936

Posts: 24725

@th1337

That's whats up.

Oct 6 2011 7:09PM

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LeadThug420

Posts: 869 - Karma: 26

Karma: 26

Posts: 869

Insane

She's a troll and you're stupid.

Oct 6 2011 7:12PM

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k-fred

Posts: 5363 - Karma: 1,598

Karma: 1,598

Posts: 5363

No Life

I lost hard

Oct 6 2011 7:17PM

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CliffyByro

Posts: 5678 - Karma: 3,903

Karma: 3,903

Posts: 5678

No Life

i'm not a fucking retard.

Oct 6 2011 7:32PM

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Davy.Crockett

Posts: 5373 - Karma: 324

Karma: 324

Posts: 5373

No Life

dude thanks for all the solid advice in this thread

Oct 6 2011 7:34PM

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LeadThug420

Posts: 869 - Karma: 26

Karma: 26

Posts: 869

Insane

I think you are, and I think you feel like a real fucking idiot for not being able to tell originally, so you're trying to play it off like you knew all along.

Oct 6 2011 7:34PM

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ryantheconnolly

Posts: 2027 - Karma: 108

Karma: 108

Posts: 2027

Addict

this is easily the hardest ive ever laughed out of any thread on ns

Oct 6 2011 7:42PM

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CliffyByro

Posts: 5678 - Karma: 3,903

Karma: 3,903

Posts: 5678

No Life

right, so after two years on this website i can't tell a troll when i see one. good one.

Oct 6 2011 7:53PM

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EC-Skier

Posts: 3899 - Karma: 668

Karma: 668

Posts: 3899

Addict

lol at troll

Oct 6 2011 8:06PM

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.Cal.

Posts: 354 - Karma: 66

Karma: 66

Posts: 354

Loner

you are having pre marital sex. you're clearly going to hell.

Oct 6 2011 9:15PM

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LeadThug420

Posts: 869 - Karma: 26

Karma: 26

Posts: 869

Insane

That's exactly what I'm saying. Your reading comprehension is getting better.

Keep up the good work. Maybe this Thanksgiving you'll get to sit at the grown-up table.

Oct 6 2011 11:46PM

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Raz.

Posts: 7456 - Karma: 1,611

Karma: 1,611

Posts: 7456

Crazy Fool

never heard of the balls thing

Oct 6 2011 11:49PM

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Milksteak

Posts: 9948 - Karma: 839

Karma: 839

Posts: 9948

Crazy Fool

inb4 jibnut

Oct 6 2011 11:59PM

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jibnut

Posts: 3038 - Karma: 304

Karma: 304

Posts: 3038

Addict

I request using Tall Tee condoms.

Oct 6 2011 11:59PM

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northeast

Posts: 2119 - Karma: 254

Karma: 254

Posts: 2119

Addict

since when do you put condoms over your ballsack?

Oct 7 2011 12:01AM

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egg.

Posts: 3231 - Karma: 3,477

Karma: 3,477

Posts: 3231

Addict

gtfo/

Oct 7 2011 12:04AM

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CatDaddy

Posts: 591 - Karma: 18

Karma: 18

Posts: 591

Ridiculous

i hate when my condoms don't fit on my balls

Oct 7 2011 12:04AM

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a_pla5tic_bag

Posts: 9215 - Karma: 5,398

Karma: 5,398

Posts: 9215

Crazy Fool

CCR5 Δ32 why u no like HIV virus?

i figured this was as good a thread as any to notice that.

Oct 7 2011 12:12AM

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Radio

Posts: 946 - Karma: 12

Karma: 12

Posts: 946

Insane

best thread on ngs in a wile. even though it was an obvious troll from the begging, it amused me how stupid some people were. and also TechnoPotomus's posts made the thread. also steward good troll

Oct 7 2011 12:46AM

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Boooshank

Posts: 1650 - Karma: 160

Karma: 160

Posts: 1650

Insane

Ahahhaha. All about page 1. Some funny ass comments. I laughed.

Oct 7 2011 1:09AM

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Jennings

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Karma: 90

Posts: 2190

Addict

best thread in a long time...

Oct 7 2011 7:54AM

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Newschool_Pope

Posts: 2473 - Karma: 267

Karma: 267

Posts: 2473

Addict

BUTTSECKS!

Oct 7 2011 8:21AM

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TechnoPotamus

Posts: 11626 - Karma: 3,522

Karma: 3,522

Posts: 11626

Crazy Fool

yeah dude!

do you ever wrap the rubber-band around your balls and then flip your equipment upside down? so like balls on top, dong on the bottom? they call that the snail. or you could always stack a ball on each side and your dong down the middle, AKA the hotdog. each configuration has it's advantages as you would expect, but hey who am i to tell you this, get out there and try it for yourself tiger!

Oct 7 2011 9:12AM

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feihlination

Posts: 8356 - Karma: 1,084

Karma: 1,084

Posts: 8356

Crazy Fool

this claimfest went a little unnoticed in this thread. BUMP FOR EMPHASIS

Oct 7 2011 10:13AM

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EC-Skier

Posts: 3899 - Karma: 668

Karma: 668

Posts: 3899

Addict

do i get to sit at the grown-up table?

Oct 7 2011 10:39AM

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PASKIINGSUCKS

Posts: 9097 - Karma: 777

Karma: 777

Posts: 9097

Crazy Fool

Nah, if I wanna get fancy I just separate the boys and duct tape one to my ass to hide it. I call it the Livestrong in honor of the greatest one nut wonder ever. Plus it increases your stamina, I swear I'm not doping though. Wear a yellow jersey and play sheryl crow in the background for extra man points.

Oct 7 2011 10:48AM

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General_Ripper

Posts: 3327 - Karma: 189

Karma: 189

Posts: 3327

Addict

Dental dam bitch. He just has to hold this latex sheet over you vag and poke at it duh

Oct 7 2011 10:52AM

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TechnoPotamus

Posts: 11626 - Karma: 3,522

Karma: 3,522

Posts: 11626

Crazy Fool

holy shit that is pure brilliance, goddam you're good haha. it's going on the to-do list

i personally enjoy the "dick cheney". first you tuck your man business between your legs, i.e. "the gummybear" and then you put on a camo vest and hat, ass-less chaps, and while vice gripping your ding dong between your legs you just pull out a shotgun and shoot your partner. Bonus points include using a bird call while taking part in the act, as well as wearing a confederate flag bandana.

Oct 7 2011 10:58AM

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PASKIINGSUCKS

Posts: 9097 - Karma: 777

Karma: 777

Posts: 9097

Crazy Fool

I highly approve

If I wanna go celebrity I usually prep months in advance growing out a wicked 70's stache . Then on the special night I'll don a Chicago bears jersey and hit that shit like a linebacker. Gotta scream DAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BEARS and spike a football off her right before you finish. Booya the dick butkus.

Or if it's an election year I pull out the nixon halloween mask and slip it in her backdoor while secretly audio recording the whole ordeal. The tricky dick is one of my favorites actually. Careful though this move could get you impeached from your relationship.

Oct 7 2011 11:10AM

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seward

Posts: 5233 - Karma: 2,174

Karma: 2,174

Posts: 5233

No Life

lolz, oh man, too many good ideas, my gf is not gonna be a happy camper this weekend. ill be thanksgiving it to her right in the butt.

but both you gentleman need to try the bird bath. its when you pee in her butt then flick the tip of your johnson into the overflow of piss. extra points for bird chirping whilst performing said act.

orrr my personal fav, the russian bobsled. this infamous manouver includes banging her from behind at the top of a flight of stairs. when your just aboot to go you scream harddddddd as loud as possible and push her down the stairs. again, extra point if you can manage to jump on her back and ride her to the bottom. watch for turn 9 though, scarrrry.

Oct 7 2011 11:18AM

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TechnoPotamus

Posts: 11626 - Karma: 3,522

Karma: 3,522

Posts: 11626

Crazy Fool

hahaha this thread is a new urbandictionary in the works

we are some romantic mother fuckers, that's for sure. i can't decide which i think i'd enjoy more, spiking a football off her, shooting her, or riding her down a flight of stairs. this is what love must feel like

Oct 7 2011 11:35AM

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lineskier10

Posts: 11339 - Karma: 796

Karma: 796

Posts: 11339

Crazy Fool

what about the hamburger? it is the toughest move of all, you have to put your dick in between your balls and flip the whole thing sideways, then it looks like a hamburger with each ball being a part of the bun and your dick being the patty in the middle

Oct 7 2011 11:39AM

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