Replying to Rehab.

Summer is always hard on skiers, but this summer has been especially hard for me. I've been trying to get back in shape for next season, and I'm starting to notice a pattern in my life. My freshman year, I skied and snowboarded as much as I possibly could, tried to board beyond my skill level, and broke my wrist. My sophomore year I landed flat off a jump and smashed my knee up. My junior year, I fractured my collar bone on a rail and twisted my knee up again. My senior year, I didn't do anything majorly bad, but my knee got worse. This year, freshman year of college, I really did myself in. I compression fractured my T-12 vertebra and I've been fighting to get my strength and flexibility back all summer.

I'm 19 years old and I already have joint problems that make my parents look young in comparison. My wrist hurts so bad some days that I have to wear a brace. On top of all that, I'm not really doing anything even remotely cool on skis. On a good day I can land a 540 on a smallish jump and maybe 270 on and off of boxes. I try and keep up with my friends, but I have terrible air sense and I always get hurt.

Anyway... Skiing is bad for me, it hurts my body, takes up a lot of my time, and costs me a lot of money. What makes me any better than your run of the mill drug addict?

I've been clean for 5 months now. I haven't even touched a ski except to put them in storage, but I'm fiending hard and if I can't get a fix soon I'm not sure what I'll do. It seems like no matter what else I try, how many non-lethal hobbies I get into, I can't satisfy my urge to ski.

Tell my parent's I'm sorry. I've tried living clean and I'm tired of trying to fit into a world where the most air I catch is from jumping out of bed in the morning. It might kill me, but I'll see everyone on the mountain again next year. I'll be the idiot kid spinning leftside 360s off every single jump, crashing hard on downrails, and having the time of his life. I might never amount to anything in life, but I have to ski. It's not something I can live without.