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Dafuq did I just read?
Well worth it if you have the time. I lost hard.
Waking this morning I walked out of my bedroom as normal and headed for the bathroom, I removed my boxers and stood on the toilet seat to let my 43 inch mega hammer of a penis slap into the toilet bowl then spray powerful jets of warm yellow electrojuice everywhere. Once I had wrapped my penis around my leg and sheathed the great beast I went downstairs for breakfast.
Grabbing the wheatabix from the cupboard I noticed something strange, on the cardboard box, instead of the wheaty breakfast snack there was instead a picture of a bear. I was sure it was normal wheatabix that morning, but I put a few pieces of wheatabix in a bowl and went about my breakfast as normal. When I poured milk on the wheatabix though, something incredible happened. The wheatbix grew in to bears, full grown bears!
I felt increasingly intimidated by the wheatabears, until the largest bear squared up to me and said ‘You have freed us from our wheaty prison, we are forever grateful to you’ the bears then disappeared magically in to a mist. Extremely bewildered and hungry I jumped up on to my elephant and rode to work (Oh yeah, I have an elephant, get on my level faggot)
At work I noticed a new woman, she was beautiful. Her gorgeous blonde hair and green eyes deeper than the most penetrative Jenna Haze anal video you could imagine, were only matched by her gigantic nipples hanging out of her shirt, more akin to an elephant’s trunk than to juicy milk cannons. She walked up to me, gently took me by the hand and whispered in my ear… ‘You want I make banana cry?’
Smiling, I leaned back and muttered a few simple words ‘Karah Coo Chakala’ I rammed my fist through her stomach, watching her breakfast of cornflakes (Which hadn’t turned in to animals, lucky bitch) fly across the room and hit the disabled security guard in the colostomy bag. I mustered an eighteen hit combo to the face and flung her across the room. She stood up smiling, wiping blood from her pendulous nipples and screamed in a shrill tone ‘BANANA CRY NOW’ she transformed in to a giraffe and began wrapping her huge yellow and brown neck around me, that cunt.
Knowing I couldn’t escape from her clutches I did the only thing I could, I let loose my secret weapon. I unfastened my belt and let my divine rod of justice flop from my pants, I used my incredible cock muscle to wrap my slappy wing wong around the giraffe monster’s neck and began choking her back.
Before I could taste victory she morphed again, this time in to the form of a downs syndrome child, I couldn’t hit her now, the devious bitch, I knew I would get a court case if I hit a spastic. She stood and laughed at me, pulling out an ivory gun and pointing it at my face ‘YOU WANT I MAKE POTATO CRY’ the little spazzy boom bazzy spluttered out, an entire corn on the cop flying out of her fat disgusting retard mouth, hitting me in the eye. Suddenly a huge growl could be heard from behind her.
A group of bears appeared in a mist, ripping the Downy to shreds in front of me, shit and spaghetti flying all over the room. Nearby women cried and shoved tampons inside their vaginas to handle the internal vaginal haemorrhaging the sight was causing, I leant back in my office chair and watched hardcore midget porn, whilst just thinking to myself… while just thinking…
Nah, banana don’t cry today, bitch.
CUE EIGHTIES SOUNDTRACK
DUN DUN DON’T MAKE THAT FUCKIN’ BANANA CRY, IT AIN’T THE TIMEEEEE
