I ONLY ACCEPT PAYPAL, NONE OF YOUR SKETCHY ASS COCAINE FUELED MONEY ORDERS OR SOME CRUMPLED ASS CHECK IN THE MAIL THAT WILL ARRIVE IN 450 YEARS. I ALSO ONLY SHIP TO THE US SINCE THE FUCKING CANADIAN BORDER SCHWEENS STEAL ALL MY GODDAM GOODS
1. IF FUCKING SUPERMAN MADE SEX WITH THOR AND HAD A BABY THAT IMPREGNATED SELENA GOMEZ IT STILL WOULDN'T TURN OUT SKIS THIS SEXY AND POWERFUL. 191 CM'S OF RAW HARD THROBBING COCK!! ORIGINAL GANGSTER ON3P CEASE AND DESISTS. THEY'VE BEEN SKIED 4 DAYS, SO THEY'VE BEEN TOUCHED JUST ONE MORE TIME THAN BALTO'S DICK. DRILLED ONCE FOR FKS AT RECOMMENDED FOR A 311 BSL. BINDINGS NOT INCLUDED. 350 MOTHERFUCKERS
2. GIRO G10 MX MEDIUM. THIS HELMET SCREAMS "WHAT'S UP, I LIKE TO PARTY BUT I HATE SUN IN MY EYES." ULTIMATE BRO STATUS FREESKI WORLD TOUR LEVEL SHIT HERE. HAS A FEW LOVE TAPS FROM THE FUCKING AIRLINE COMPANIES WHO LIKE TO RAPE IT BUT EVERYTHING WORKS FINE. 30 BUCKS
3. IF YOU PUT ANGRY BIRDS IN A BLENDER AND MADE PAINT OUT OF IT YOU'D GET SOMETHING LIKE THESE CLUTCH ASS CROWBARS. EVERYTHING BUT THE LENS, BRAND NEW, $25
4. ALL YOU SMITH I/O TRENDWHORES, FEAST YOUR EYES ON THE NEW AND IMPROVED I/OS, CAPABLE OF SINGLEHANDEDLY OVERTHROWING THE ROMAN EMPIRE WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY HAVING CONSENSUAL BUTTSECKS WITH HELEN OF TROY'S MOTHER. BRAND NEW. BLUE FRAME AND STRAP, SENSOR MIRROR AND SOME REFLECTY SHIT MIRROR, LIKE BLACK IRIDIUM. $85
5. THIS IS A PIECE OF NS HISTORY. RETRO LOGO NS T-SHIRT CIRCA 2008 I THINK, SUPER SOFT AND SEXY. I ONCE WORE THIS IN PUBLIC AND A HOT GIRL LOOKED AT ME. IF I HADN'T BEEN WEARING THE SHIRT, SHE WOULDN'T HAVE LOOKED, AND I WOULD'VE HAD NOTHING TO THINK ABOUT WHILE MASTURBATING LATER. IT'S SIZE MEDIUM TO SCULPT AROUND YOUR DELICIOUS PECTORALS AND SHOW THE LADY WHAT FUCKING JOE BREEZY IS MADE OF. $10 OR FREE WITH A LARGER PURCHASE
6. THIS JACKET IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL COLOR IT CAN ONLY BE COMPARED TO THE DEEP HUE THAT LIES WITHIN GOD'S EYES. OAKLEY MAJOR JACKET SIZE MEDIUM PARK FIT. BIGGEST MEDIUM EVER, THIS THING COULD EASILY SQUEEZE AROUND THAT FAT BITCH FROM THE PRECIOUS MOVIE AND LEAVE EXTRA ROOM FOR HER GODDAM BABY. IT ALSO HAS ZIPPERS OR SOME SHIT SO YOU CAN ZIP IN SOME FLEECE OR SOMETHING IF YOU'RE A PUSSY AND CAN'T HANDLE THE ELEMENTS. $50
7. BEHOLD, THE SEXIEST AND BEST JACKET ON THE FACE OF THE UNIVERSE. FUCKING ALIENS IN SOME SOPHISTICATED OTHER WORLD COULDN'T CREATE A JACKET THIS TECHNICALLY IMPRESSIVE AND HOT LOOKING, THEY'D JUST GET THEIR BITCH ASS SLIME SHIT ALL OVER IT AND MAKE SOMETHING FUTURISTIC AND GAY. SIZE LARGE TREW POW FUNK, FITS BIG ENOUGH TO HOLD MY MANLY ASS 6'2 PHYSIQUE AND ALSO LOOK SEXY. USED PROBABLY 25 DAYS BUT HAS LITERALLY NO WEAR ANYWHERE SINCE THESE JACKETS ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO FUCK UP EVEN IF YOU'RE THE BIGGEST FUCKUP IN THE LAND OF FUCKUPS AND FUCKTARDS. $225, CHEAP AS FUCK FOR THIS GODDAM SHIT
8. WHAT'S UP OLDER JIBERISH? WHAT'S THAT? YOU'RE MUCH SICKER THAN THIS YEAR'S HOODIES? RIGHT ON, I TOTALLY AGREE. SIZE XL GREEN LIQUID SWORDS. WORN AROUND THE HOUSE BUT NEVER IN PUBLIC IN FEAR OF ATTRACTING A STAMPEDE OF SEXY FEMALES THAT WILL GET DIRT ON IT. SOME MINOR CRACKING BUT NOTHING NOTICEABLE. $55
9. AHH BLUEBERRIES. WHAT COMES TO MIND? FROLICKING IN SOME FRUIT BUSHES WITH YOUR GAY LOVER? SENSUALLY FEEDING SMALL BLUE FRUITS TO YOUR GAY LOVER? WELL THAT'S ALL WRONG. YOU SHOULD THINK OF THIS SEXY ASS JIBERISH BLUEBERRY FLANNEL THAT IS HEALTHIER THAN BERRIES AND HOTTER THAN STACY KIEBLER. BRAND FUCKING NEW WITH THE MOTHERFUCKING TAG STILL ON SIZE XL. $55
10. ARE YOU TIRED OF BEING 14 YEARS OLD AND NOT KNOWING WHAT THE EARLY 90'S WERE LIKE? WELL STOP PLAYING WITH YOUR DICK AND CHECK OUT THESE SICK ASS OAKLEY RAZOR BLADES. ORIGINAL, REAL, ORGASMIC, ATTRACTIVE, THROWBACK, BEAUTIFUL. THIS SHIT SELLS FOR LIKE 600 MILLION DOLLARS ON EBAY BUT HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO SNAG A BEAUTIFUL PAIR FOR JUST $119.95. CALL NOW TO RECEIVE A SPECIAL OFFER WITH AN ORIGINAL RETRO GREEN CASE PLUS EXTRA ARMS AND A NOSE PIECE! LIMITED TV OFFER, A PACKAGE VALUED AT OVER 600 MILLION DOLLARS YOURS NOW FOR ONLY $119.95. DON'T BELIEVE US? TAKE OUR CUSTOMER'S WORDS. "UM HI, MY NAME'S SCHWEEN MC SCHWEENSTON. I USED TO BE A VIRGIN AND HAVE NO FRIENDS. ONE DAY THIS COOL DUDE NAMED GATOR LET ME TRY ON HIS SUNGLASSES. IT TOOK ME A SECOND TO REALIZE WHAT WAS GOING ON BUT I LOOKED DOWN AND THERE WAS A HOT BITCH SUCKING MY DICK!! WE THEN HAD SEX 600 MILLION TIMES AND NOW I'M THE BEST SEXER IN THE WORLD. I DON'T KNOW WHERE MY LIFE WOULD BE WITHOUT THESE GLASSES!!!" THANKS SCHWEEN, ALWAYS GOOD TO SEE A HAPPY CUSTOMER. BUY THESE NOW OR I BURN DOWN AN ORPHANAGE
ALL ORDERS COME WITH SOME OLD LOGO NS STICKERS AND MY LOVING TOUCH AND, IF YOU'RE LUCKY, A MAIL ORDER BRIDE WHO KNOWS 3 WORDS: SANDWICH, REMOTE, AND FUCKING BUTTSEX
thanks ;)
