So, I was at the gas station, off to the side of the station airing up my tires, since they were getting pretty low... I was minding my own business when a semi truck that had come to re-fuel the station's tanks rolled up behind me, and honked at me. I still had a ways to go for time on the air compressor, and hadn't even filled up one of my tires all the way yet, and this guy's honking at me and telling me to get out of the way.
I decided that he was going to be a bit of a dick, and didnt want to start shit, so I just moved over to the other side of the station to check the air in the tires, and hopefully be off on my way...
Unfortunately, this guy apparently needed the entire station to himself or something, as I was STILL in his way, but didn't really know it, since I was on my knees pushing a tire gauge into some nozzles, and figured I had given him all the space he needed.
Just then, this old 60 year oldish dude gets out of his truck all in a huff, and stomps up to me pointing his finger with his other hand clenched in a fist, Starts yelling at me and telling me i'm an asshole for, what I guess he thought, was me deliberately trying to get in his way.
(I googled 61 year old, and this image came up... Basically, imagine this dude coming up to you all pissed off)
I retort as peacefully as I can "hey man, cool off, no need for the attitude...
He then cuts me off there 'I'LL HAVE ALL THE ATTITUDE I WANT YOU NO GOOD SON OF A FUCKING BITCH'
Now, nobody calls either of my parents a bitch.. for that matter anyone associate with me a bitch for no good reason, especially if they're just mad at nothing and getting in my face about it... so adrenaline surged, and temper flared, and I let out something to the extent of...
"Get the fuck out of my face, you cocksucking motherfucking cunt ass bitch old fart, I didnt know I was in my way chill the fuck out god damnit''
Not sure if that's exactly what I said, but it was basically along those lines, and used all if not more of those words, in some sort of order...
He then started to get straight red in the face like a boiling hot tea kettle, so I started to walk away to my car... "I'll move if that's what you want... FUCK you" (yeah, I was pretty pissed some old dude would pull this shit... and 'Fuck You' seemed so good to yell at him as I walked away).
I hear this dude coming up behind me, and I turn around and take a step back and he starts pushing me into the side of my car and goes to take a swing. He fully misses contact completely (must have had shit glasses or something) and ended up sorta bent over... so I pulled his jacket over his head... sorta... and then started throwing what I want to believe were Zdeno Chara sized Slovakian uppercuts that would make Tiger Woods proud...
(I gloriously want to imagine it looked sorta like this... but have a feeling it looked much less awesome at the time lol)
(followed by this...)
I ended up tweaking him in the glasses, and I think I gave him a shot to the neck that knocked the wind out of him.. and he fell to the pavement... At first I thought he was having a heart attack or something... but realized he was just trying to catch breath, and I let him be, and got back in my car...
Aside from all that, somebody called the police, who, what with NOTHING ELSE to do, all showed up to the party. There were 5 witnesses who were on my side and saw the guy attack me first, and the cops asked me if I wanted to press charges.
Chances are, i wouldn't have gotten much compensation, since I didnt have a scratch on me at all... nor would it have been really worth it anyways to deal with court shit... That and I had the pleasure, of what I only wish I could honestly say, beating him senseless with a Flawless Victory and added Fatality Mortal Kombat style...
So I decided to take the more badass - I dont need no stinkin justice system, John Wayne - route, and didn't press charges on the idiot.
Then I flicked my cig out the window and drove off into the sunset as the entire gas station EXPLODED behind me as I made out with a super hot naked babe bikini model..
^this really happened.... Swear.
