so check it, i was drinking at my buddy's cottage tonight, and i had to pee. makes sense, right? drinking = pee time. so, since im a lazy fucker and didn't want to go inside to take a leak, i decided to hit one of the bushes on his front lawn. as i was pissing, head hanging back, all fucking relaxed and shit, i noticed this strange hissing sound. i look down and see this giant fucking turtle kicking and flailing around. i know what youre thinking... DUUUUUUUUUDE YOU PEED ON IT!!! no, not at this point. i was aimed off to the left, minding my own business. but it sort of startled me. for a second, i was trying to figure out what it was trying to do. was it burrowing into the dirt because it was scared? was it struggling to climb up the garden to get away from me? fuck if i know. but what i do know, is that i pointed my dick at it, like an asshole, and peed all over that fucker.
i guess i told you that story to ask you this. does peeing on a turtle make me awesome or does it make me an asshole? i mean, it's a fucking turtle. and seeing my pee droplets splash off of it's head as it retracts inside the shell made me laugh both on the inside and out. i left my pee bush feeling like a champion. i showed that turtle who the man was, and that turtle must have been thinking 'fuck my life'.....
cool story bro. fuck yourself. it was a cool story. i peed on a fucking turtle. what have you done lately?
