Ahh, so the story goes a little something like this.
Sitting around at a lunch table this morning, I was having some tea before classes started. My friend decided is would be really funny to crush up 4-5 laxative pills and put them in my drink while I went and took a piss (I didn't know at the time.)
Fast forward to first period, we find out our goalie is at home sick so I volunteer to mind the net.
Alright, now in game. The day was really foggy, (I couldn't see the opposing goalie.) and there was a light drizzle. The game was taking place around 1-2 o'clock so all of the students were still in class. So, our team is dominating with a score of 8-1, and we pretty much are having all of the ball control. Suddenly, I start getting cramps mid-play, with no one in our defensive zone except for our D and the attack. Now these weren't any ordinary cramps, these are the cramps that make you feel like if you don't let that rocket of a shit out you are going to die. The crease was already a mess of mud, so I decided that my shit wouldn't add to the mess too much. So, I pull down my pants so my ass is exposed, but the front is still covered, bent down in a kind of down-low-ready-to-run position, and let this fucker go. I swear to god it was the runniest shit you would have ever seen, and it spat like five feet away from my asshole. Then, mid shit, the possession switches and the other team is coming this way. So I got into position and had to hold this mess of a shit, god did it burn. May has well just lit my ass on fire. Blocked a shot, tossed the ball away, and I was back into position again. Ok, so about ten minutes later I was done-ish, and needed to find a way to wipe my ass. Ahhh, there's a lacrosse net, that will do. So as discretely as possible I wiped what I could off my ass on the net/post, and then I was done. I stomped and mixed my shit into the mud pot thing that was of the crease, and was on my merry way.
SPARKNOTES: Friend put laxative in my drink, I had a lacrosse tournament, took a massive shit while playing goalie, on field.
Anyone else have any stories about having to take shits in the weirdest/worse places?
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