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Your epic drunk story

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Mr.Gaga
Posts: 2021 - Karma: 542

Thread name sais it all!! I feel like laughing tonight so tell us your epic drunk stories!


I will start:


First summer party 3 years ago. Finished my last exam for pre-university (CEGEP) that day so I was kind of feeling like having a blast. Start drinking at my friend's house in the basement, usual boyz get crunk night. After about an hour start to feel a bit tipsy, had 2-3 beers +1-2 drinks dont exacly remember (you'll hunderstand why soon enough), my friend my friend's holding a bottle of vodka and he's like ''Hey! Fred just chug rest of the bottle and we all give you 5$'' and I'm like ''eeh ok''... shit just got real. My friends get all pumped, the only cup that was big enough for what was left in the bottle was the one on top of our shaker, so we take it, put all the vodka in it, we read on the cup there's exacly 500ml of vodka left. I then just chug all of it one shot kill in like 10 second like it's fucking water. Water that burns your throat a lot but w-e just man-up. 15-20 minutes later I'm outside puking my life (18yr old 140lb lightweight wtf u expected stupid kid). 1h later I'm semi-coma or may be full coma hard to say in my friend's bathrom my friends just raped me (no homo) with black marker/slaps/pictures/etc. Hours later evryone's sleeping or gone, they left me in the toilet in case I puke egan.

During the night I wake up from like coma and I feel like I need to take the biggest shit ever. At this moment I'm litteraly all over the toilet but Inside what's left of my brain I have no idea where the fuck I am and I feel more drunk then ever, evrything is dark it prbly wasn't but fuck I was prbly blind, I try to stand up and walk to go to the toilet but I absoloutly can't. I crawl out of the toilet, ... looking for the toilet and after max 5 meters I'm in the laundry and I can't hold it any more so I just quickly take my pants down and the biggest muddiest shit ever comes out right in the middle of the floor of my friend's laundry. I then crawl back to a spot and fall asleep.

Next morning at like 1pm my friend's ''WHAT THE FUCK!!!'' wakes me up. I was still feeling more drunk then ever ahahah but w-e cleaned my shit and he gave me a lift back home, slept all day. Next morning I'm still hung-over as fuck, 3 days later I started feeling better. Worked hard for that 35$!!


GO!! we all have at least 1 epic drunk story your turn tell us your epic drunk stories!!

inb4 cool story bro, would be waaaaaay too easy

Apr 28 2011 10:09PM
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low_fidelity
Posts: 2673 - Karma: 118
cool story hansel
Apr 28 2011 10:11PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51744 - Karma: 163,523
I read this as epic dunk story.
sooo



I was in gymn class a little frazzle dazzled. Just kind doin my thing. We were playing basketball. Somebody pushed me and i got pissed, decided to go mj and show them what was up. Somebody passed me the ball, boom around that guys, zoom around another, one two, in the air ready for the dunk. hung the ball up just a little on the front of the rim at the top, just enough that i swung off of it into a half flip and came down upside down on the court and head planted.

Concussion on a dunk fail. So hood
Apr 28 2011 10:14PM
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TechnoPotamus
Posts: 11626 - Karma: 3,522
grammar face palm
Apr 28 2011 10:14PM
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Mr.Gaga
Posts: 2021 - Karma: 542
ahah I feared this sorry frenchy
Apr 28 2011 10:17PM
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fuckzakk
Posts: 38 - Karma: 12
Apr 28 2011 10:19PM
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.Emerson.
Posts: 1548 - Karma: 16
member fail
Apr 28 2011 10:19PM
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horner
Posts: 2439 - Karma: 1,578
Went to a MN timberwolves game with a friend, all you can drink

Left the game, went to a strip club, had a bit more, went to a bar

The Wovles were playing the Pacers, Larry Bird is the president.

Walked into bar, saw Larry Bird, he told me to fuck off when I tried to talk to him.

So I left the bar and walked home.
Apr 28 2011 10:21PM
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no_steeze
Posts: 23992 - Karma: 4,273
i always manage to do that. no matter how gone i am if i know i need to get home, i always fucking get home

i evaded cops with flashlights black ops style while piss drunk and high. it was pretty damn impressive. they tried to catch us for trespassing on a school since we had the brilliant idea of peeing on it. they started searching so we ran behind from cover to cover and eventually hid under a knoll back in the woods before crossing the street and running bush to bush back to my friend's house
Apr 28 2011 10:22PM
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rudager
Posts: 11335 - Karma: 4,626
Back in November, I was staying in Lake Louise at the Inn for work during the World cup. Mr friend Iain and I went to the hostel where these Swiss girls that I met on the bus were staying. We met even more Swiss! It was a big cluster cuss of languages as we all sat, had drinks and conversed. Around the table, people were speaking English, French, German, Swiss and Swiss German. It was too much. So, after a couple drinks. We headed to the bar. The Swiss showed me how they drink. You take a straw, and put it in the pitcher. Just like that. We danced and we drank heavily.
Probably downed a large pitcher, along with a six pack back at the hostel where they were staying. As the night progressed, we left the bar and went back to the hostel. At the time, I was single, and there was this Swiss babe who was showing interest in me before the night even started.
I went back to their room (4 of them, don't know where the others went). They all started speaking in swiss-french, which I was able to pick up on and eventually was able to speak very broken French, but it all made sense (conversation French, not just words). I was ready for sleep.

I woke up in the morning to my phone vibrating in my pants. The phone call was from my dad, went as so.

Dad: Where are you?
Me: In bed
Dad: No you’re not…
*I look around, see a bunk above me, still fully dressed. And the Swiss girl beside me (no, nothing happened).
Dad: …You at Iains?
Me: No, I think I’m at the Hostel…
Dad: …Alright, see you at the hill for work
*End phone call*

If you know Lake Louise, the Hostel and the Inn are right across from each other, the bar we were at was in the Inn.

That's my story. I got drunk, spoke French, woke up confused and went to work.
Haven't been able to speak that level of French since.
Apr 28 2011 10:29PM
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statuswhitegirl
Posts: 4058 - Karma: 883
i dont remember any
Apr 28 2011 10:37PM
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SeanTom
Posts: 7936 - Karma: 1,747
I was standing next to a fire. Then i shotgunned a beer and fell in the fire. then rolled out of the fire. then afterbanged into a blackout.
Apr 28 2011 10:40PM
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Mr.Gaga
Posts: 2021 - Karma: 542

My friend did that once, he woke up in his bed he was like wwwtttfffffff.... he ran out of it, he still had keys, cellphone, wallet, he looked outside.... his car is all wrecked... oh fuck

Apr 28 2011 10:48PM
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TechnoPotamus
Posts: 11626 - Karma: 3,522
frenchy isn't even in this thread goomba
Apr 28 2011 10:55PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51744 - Karma: 163,523
I fucking hear you. It's best when it's somebody you're with. Or you just aren't as high as them. So fucking funny. then they dont remember any of it. When it's you you're like da fuck.
Apr 28 2011 11:02PM
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Mr.Gaga
Posts: 2021 - Karma: 542

I'm a frenchy, i speak french, that's why my english suck sry

Apr 28 2011 11:14PM
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Deezy
Posts: 4580 - Karma: 1,004
so this party is happenin' down the street, me and my buds waltz on down. we stroll in and snake some brews. everyone is getin smashed, beerpong, flipcup, kings, tons of games and good music. so after winning many beerpong games my bud and i mosey on over to these broads. we start talking and we get them into our respective rooms. I leave to get more drinks and when i was walking back up to the room... This is where it gets decently out of hand. The police smash in yelling that we are all arrested, like legit screaming!! soon enough shots are fired and my buddy gets hit collapsing to the floor covered in blood meanwhile, everyone gets on the floor and we all walk the dinosaur.
Apr 28 2011 11:16PM
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derpina
Posts: 2186 - Karma: 55
More funny than epic:

Last fall my roommate got wasted cuz he just moved out to CO... wanted to watch the sunrise so he ran outside to find the biggest pine tree he could find. Climbed ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP (25+ft) and started leaning way too far over. Circumsized the top of that bitch and held on to the branch all the way down.

Probably way more funny if you knew him. I've never laughed so hard.


Apr 28 2011 11:46PM
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fujarome
Posts: 8630 - Karma: 1,561
thats what I'm all about.

Epic drunk stories shouldn't be remembered, or else you weren't drunk enough.

My best occurred in the French city of Lyon. I drank a shit ton of whiskey, and had to walk about 4 miles back to the apartment i was staying at. All i remember is i ate some ridiculously good kebabs, got into a fight, threw up, and fell of a bicycle.

Woke up in the apartment the next morning, and was told i got in around 5am. People at the party say i left at 1 15am.
Apr 28 2011 11:51PM
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Shlogan
Posts: 4942 - Karma: 430
its called coloradoing, and its perfectly normal. yep
Apr 28 2011 11:51PM
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pomme-de-terre
Posts: 3915 - Karma: 703
im never there for it but according to my friends ive taken my boat out before drunk as fuck a few times without remembering it.
Apr 28 2011 11:57PM
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rickroller
Posts: 2468 - Karma: 483
ahahahahhaha
Apr 29 2011 12:10AM
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pinhead_larry
Posts: 891 - Karma: 20
1st page?
Apr 29 2011 12:16AM
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steeze-free_lee
Posts: 295 - Karma: 28
I'm disappointed to report that that was a terribly underwhelming ending.
Apr 29 2011 12:23AM
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Gameboy
Posts: 2657 - Karma: 127
I was at thhis shitty bar which is in a hotel. I was there for my friend's birthday. Everybody was drunk since the beer wasn't expensive at all. I was also pretty much black out drunk. I, apparently, threw a chair in the middle of the bar cause it was in my path to the bathroom. But this is not epic at all when you compared it to the next thing that happened.

Like I told you, the bar is in a hotel. So me and about 4 other friends climbed up the stairs to the floor where the rooms are. I don't know how, but one of my friend managed to open a room, where somebody was sleeping. The person didn't wake up but his dog(yeah the dog was in a hotel room) start barking like hell. We got out and one of my other friend arrived with a fire extinguisher right as we were exiting the room. He then shot some on us. That's when the owner of the hotel came out of another room, screaming at us. We were stuck in the hallway, no way to exit, we were fucked. That's when I got the best drunk idea I've ever had. I yelled : SMOKE SHIELD!, took the fire extinguisher out of the hands of my friend and fire it for the longest time. We couldn't see anything or even breath. Finally found the stairs in that smoke, exit the hotel and left :)
Apr 29 2011 12:39AM
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rudager
Posts: 11335 - Karma: 4,626
How bout got really drunk. Partied. Got drugs from the craziest guy. Turns out to be coke, along with also getting MMDA. Kept partying. Threw up everywhere. Kept partying. Wondered in the forest and laid on the comfiest of trees for a while. Friends found me. Continued partying. Sleep for an hour or two. Then went to work?

I guess every story has terribly underwhelming endings
Apr 29 2011 12:43AM
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Piste.Off
Posts: 11586 - Karma: 1,860
Long story short

at a friends house about 2am
we drunkinly call our friend's cousin
tell him go to our friends house to party
cousin and 3 friends show up at friend's house
walk up to back door, also the parents bedroom
knock on the door, friends mom asks who is it
they don't hear or answer, mom freaks out
they run, the mom calls the cops
they get back to their house, in the same neighborhood
police block off the neighborhood all night and patrol it for weeks after
friend's dad buys $1000 security system
friend's mom no longer feels safe in the neighborhood
they move to a new house 10 minutes away

our friend's planning on telling his parent's what really happened at his wedding haha
Apr 29 2011 12:46AM
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rudager
Posts: 11335 - Karma: 4,626
It would be sweet it the back of your head looked like a cat.
Apr 29 2011 12:46AM
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steeze-free_lee
Posts: 295 - Karma: 28
yeah the ending of each drunken-cycle with work seems to do that.

and why is it that the crazy guys always have the best drugs?
Apr 29 2011 12:54AM
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rudager
Posts: 11335 - Karma: 4,626
I stand by my comment.

And about work, I don't have time to be hungover. I have to get shit done.
Apr 29 2011 12:58AM
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O.G.Surachai
Posts: 334 - Karma: 84
Damn, it's hard to pick which one is the best. I feel like most drunk stories are kinda "you had to be there" situations, but I'll give it a shot. Maybe not the best but it was a marathon day which I feel qualifies as epic.

So the summer of my freshman year of college I'm staying at my frat house (ya I know, go fuck yourselves) with some of my good buddies. The started out pretty regular until around 10 am we find a couple of random dudes in their thirties cruising around our house. After the initial what. the. fuck. moment they explained that they were alums of our house and were just stopping by to see what was up (not unusal). After talking for a bit they invite us to go golfing with them, so we say what the hell and jump in a couple of cars. They take a cart out ahead of us and start to play while in the meantime we discover that there is a bottle of warm 99 cherries in my golf bag from god knows when. Friendly wagers are made and liquor begins to be consumed. It also turned out that these dudes were total bros and kept buying us beer from the snack lady and having her bring it back to us. Once they even convinced her to leave a pile of ice on the tee box with a bunch of beers on top. If you ever want to make someone your best friend, leave them a pile of ice and beer on a tee box. It was fucking awesome. The day goes on we get progressively worse as we get more drunk. Usually I'm a decent golfer but by the 14th hole or so we were just hacking divots like crazy and stumbling around. Finally we finished, my friend lies to us that he is sober enough to drive and drives us drunk home (luckily only a few blocks but still...)

So now we're absolutely hammered at like 1 o clock we decided to keep the party rolling, invite some chicks over, play some games, the usual. As it turns out there was a big summer festival/street party going on that night downtown that these alums were going to and we all decided to go check it out but since we were still underage we had to pack some booze. We throw 18 beers in this shady ass backpack that is gonna fall apart at a moments notice and head out the door to walk downtown, party cups in hand and spirits high. Strike 1. A few blocks down the road we get immediately pulled over by the cops for having red solo cups, important note here: I didn't have one. One of the alums tries to be smooth and ditch his drink on the bumper of the cop car, doesn't work at all. They get out, start giving us the usual bullshit. Ask for IDs, ask what's in the drinks, we all lie, ect, ect, etc... It's at this point that I remember what a hoss I was in AP government back in high school and I know my fucking rights. Strike 2. I start giving one of the cops lip that he didn't have probably cause to stop me because I didn't have a cup and they should let me go because they stopped us on the basis of having open containers. Then this fucker power trips all over my ass, threatening to take me to jail and other ridiculous bullshit. I shit my pants, figuratively of course, and back down cause I'm hammered and my thought process went to hell hours ago. My best friend passes a field sobriety test, blitzed out of his mind, with a backpack full of beer about to explode on his back and wins MVP of the night on the spot. After the cock formerly known as the policeman sits us all down and tells us that I almost got the whole group thrown in jail they let us go and tell us to go home. Somehow we all avoid MIP's and providing tickets and send the 5-0 off with a solid 'fuck you' as we moonwalk out of the parking lot.

The night ended on the roof of our house hitting golf balls at the dorms and other frats. In the morning we find these alums passed out face down in the library, no blankets or anything. They take off and we never see them again. Ever. To this day I am still convinced I am right about the open container shit and no one can talk me out of it. Fuck Office Marrow, I hate his stupid goldbrickin' ass.

Spark notes: People knew how to have a good time in the 80's and 90's. Hang out with them if you get the chance.


Apr 29 2011 1:08AM
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Mr.Gaga
Posts: 2021 - Karma: 542

^^You can post more then 1

An other one I had: 2 years ago St-Jean Batiste, the 4th of july of Quebec. Me and 2 friends are like yo lets go party to Quebec city, there are like huge free show, firework and evry body's just drunk and partying, it's awsome. We planned leaving Montreal at 3pm, so Ì started drinking home at 1, so when we left I was already kind of tipsy ahah all the way down to Quebec I just kept drinking with my friends and half the time I had my window down and I was mooning peoples or showing then Quebec flags... epic shit untill what had to happen happened. 30 min before we arrive to Quebec city we pass next to a cop... at 145km/h me half of my body outside the car mooning on his side. Cop was super fucking pissed but thank god we manages to hide the beers. Driver had 3 ticket 1200$, his father car was towed for 30 days (he didn't pay for his last ticket /facepalm) and I had a 450$ ticket for risking my life.

We were lucky we did some calls and some friends were at Quebec city so they came and picked us up, we just kept partying untill 5 then came back with them to mtl.

Apr 29 2011 1:45AM
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derpina
Posts: 2186 - Karma: 55
It's called Coloradoing when you MEAN to do it and it's into snow... his was on to dirt. And it was not on purpose. hahahahaha
Apr 29 2011 1:51AM
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skithesprings
Posts: 9086 - Karma: 1,349
got blackout drunk and pissed into what i thought was a wall, turns out as i was told by my buddy, it was a screen in a really big window of a ground level apartment. went back the next day and did some recon. turns out i pissed through the screen all over the couch. #winning

vomited off a 10th floor balcony. #winning

walked into a random party that was 90% latinos and 10% blacks. had a blast. #winning

walking from a house party to a friends apartment blackout i picked up two 30 racks of highlife off someones back porch and walked the remaining mile holding them. it was like christmas morning the next day. #winning

annnnnnnnnd that was my freshman year at penn state.

Apr 29 2011 2:05AM
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ThaLetterM.
Posts: 8609 - Karma: 1,613
two four loko's and a lot of tequila, last thing I remember is leaving my friend's house to go to some party. ended up throwing rocks at windshields in boulder, woke up at 6 AM in the back seat of my car, all the doors open, pants off. I have no idea what happened.
Apr 29 2011 2:08AM
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B-runge
Posts: 16558 - Karma: 361
Dude, what the fuck is this!



: O
Apr 29 2011 2:23AM
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wazzucrewskier
Posts: 2269 - Karma: 151
i peed on my apartment managers desk and soaked all of their rent papers and slept in the managers office.  it was hallloween and i was dressed as michael phelps.... ask me about the full story
Apr 29 2011 3:36AM
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BIGben*
Posts: 1942 - Karma: 8
I was at a party last friday before easter and i woke up the next mornig still drunk, confused in a snowbank. I am still alive! Some girl took videos/pictures of whathappend finally it turns out thatsomeone sole my coat and pushed me in the snowbank, but i was tired so i thoughti'd stay there for awhile ;)
Apr 29 2011 7:18AM
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Proze
Posts: 1094 - Karma: 7
ughh your sending shivers up my spine... enough of my life has been erased by xanax.... only to be taken when bugging out on L now.. thats shit turns ya into a zombie
Apr 29 2011 8:28AM
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Mr.Gaga
Posts: 2021 - Karma: 542

dddaaaad? I want 55k/month of child support

Apr 29 2011 5:38PM
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blackjakesteele
Posts: 311 - Karma: 9
I honestly cant tell if this is legit or not but it sounds rediculous.
Apr 29 2011 6:06PM
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Cufe.
Posts: 1950 - Karma: 262
long story put into very short form

Go to huge party
Drink a ton
meet girls, drink more
talk to girls, still drink
drink more
go to bath room
pass out in forest
get up, go back to party
drink more
talk more to girls
black out
wake up in my bed with no boxers
check phone; 9 new numbers

I still dont know where my boxers are, but I think they are still in Europe somewhere.
Apr 29 2011 6:13PM
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Kajex
Posts: 1069 - Karma: 178
I got locked in a soundproof cube in NYC ary gallery with unlimited beer and people watched me get drunk, like in a zoo.
Apr 29 2011 6:28PM
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dispatchQ_main
Posts: 2619 - Karma: 629
Bro..... EPIC KARMA!
Apr 29 2011 6:47PM
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BMB
Posts: 3138 - Karma: 232
NS father son reunion, could be post of the year.
Apr 29 2011 7:35PM
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PBRasap
Posts: 1079 - Karma: 326
I went to Vegas with 3 of my best friends for some partying. We do some shots before we leave then head out for a night on the town. Before we know it we're all black out drunk and only remember waking up in our hotel room. One of my friends is gone and we have to spend the next day or two piecing together our night. Apparently we got Roofied which is why we don't remember anything. :( We also god my friends car in a bit of trouble and almost got attacked by a tiger. It was sooooo scary, I'm never going back there again.











































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Apr 29 2011 8:59PM
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hoodratz47
Posts: 12021 - Karma: 9,498
Click for larger image
Apr 29 2011 9:09PM
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Starsix
Posts: 28 - Karma: 10
like two summers ago i went to my best friends bonfire, and this kids like my brother i call him bro grew up with him and everything. well we get pretty drunk, and apparently i proceeded to try to make out my best friend/ brother. about 20 minutes later i got home and right before a passed out- i don't remember this part- apparently puked and took a dump in front of like four people. awesome...
Apr 29 2011 9:51PM
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commander2984
Posts: 859 - Karma: 39
ill paraphrase casue im lazy and gettin sick of bein a computer rat


high school party, so everybodys too drunk
girl parks in street, cops are notified, end up showin up when everybody is sloppy
people panic and dip out the back door (which happens to be 20ish yards up a bank from the connecticut river)
one kid falls in the river ends up in the hospital w/ hypothermia (this was feb in vt/nh)
my little sister had just showed up, so me an my friend get her her friend and whoever else from our town and head thru the brush along the river tryin to get to the bridge back to vt
hideout in the woods by the bridge while one pig is posted waitin for sneaks, rest of them are in the house givin everybody drinkin tickets
wait for the cop to dip, which surprisingly they did mayb back to the house, leavin the bridge clear
book it across the longest covered bridge in the US (claim) homie is barefoot (true vt style)
make it back to vt to catch a ride somewhere safe


best part about the night - no drunk drivin, still escaped,
and was puking before the cops came, true puke-n-rally style


prob some details left out, apologize for sloppy grammer, again kinda lazy mayb rewrite it better


oh yeah and mayb a good thing cops did come cause they took one kid to the hospital, got his shit pumped, woulda/coulda died or they were jus sayin that to scare high school drinkers........

and homie got arrested who didnt dip for havin some buds or some shit


oooh yeah AND while the cops were bein slop another homie took the evidence camera and destroyed it hahaha put it in the sink or got it wet or some shit

overall epic night
Apr 29 2011 10:05PM
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GILLSKI
Posts: 1250 - Karma: 361
the storys I remember suck and the ones I dont..... dont
Apr 30 2011 12:01AM
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General_Ripper
Posts: 3327 - Karma: 189
vagas..........
Jun 10 2011 7:46AM
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