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To Who's Parents Are Divorced.

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introvert
Posts: 4718 - Karma: 1,482
Well, mine are getting divorced. How did you deal with it?

I am a little sad, but since they've been fighting a while I'm happy that it's finally going to end.
Mar 28 2011 12:25AM
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HIT
Posts: 3524 - Karma: 4,996
i dealt with it but realizing there wont be people around as often so i could enjoy the house to myself sometimes and looking at the upsides to things

its not your fault, they just dont love each other and thats something you just gotta accept. they still love you, not each other
Mar 28 2011 12:28AM
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I.B
Posts: 8137 - Karma: 24,352
Is it bad?


Or are they staying friends?


A good friend of mine parents just fell out of love. But are still great friends.

But i know parents that totally hate each other.


++vibes man
Mar 28 2011 12:32AM
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introvert
Posts: 4718 - Karma: 1,482
Yeah, that's what I've been thinking.




And I know, I haven't been blaming myself. They have just been fighting for a solid year, and now with my dad moving out, all that fighting is now going to end. So I'm glad about that
Mar 28 2011 12:33AM
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CharlieSheen
Posts: 173 - Karma: 10
Upside:
Parents fighting for your love = more presents etc.
2 houses
Don't have to deal with them fighting as much

Downside:
???
Mar 28 2011 12:34AM
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introvert
Posts: 4718 - Karma: 1,482
It's more along the lines of hate each other :P
Mar 28 2011 12:34AM
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General_Ripper
Posts: 3327 - Karma: 189
Your moms a hooker?
Mar 28 2011 12:35AM
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introvert
Posts: 4718 - Karma: 1,482
If you don't have anything serious to say, just get out.
Mar 28 2011 12:36AM
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General_Ripper
Posts: 3327 - Karma: 189
k peace niggy
Mar 28 2011 12:37AM
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sammy_
Posts: 1597 - Karma: 467
my parents divorced when i was younger, it was so hard understanding but when i got older i started to understand why it happened then i started excepting it. my parents stayed friends and they have a great relationship which makes a lot easier just so they dont hate each others guts. so hopefully your parents are going to stay friends and that will make it easier, but if they dont and they are fighting a ton then just realize it has nothing to do with you and try your hardest to ignore it because if you get involved in the fighting then it will be twice as hard to help get over it. hope this helps....if you have any questions or just want to talk about it or anything you can always pm me.
Mar 28 2011 12:41AM
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Midwestoverdose
Posts: 833 - Karma: 45
Mine got divorced 3 weeks before my 13 birthday. They hate each other to their guts..
But for the first 6 months it was hard for me at least. No more holidays together and what not. Theres been fighting for over two years now and it might come to a close. But to me, something will always be different for me. But on the plus side, no more fighting and you get more stuff since they feel bad and what not. Hope it goes easy for you.
Mar 28 2011 12:41AM
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*rkp*
Posts: 8198 - Karma: 257
shut the fuck up kid.
what an ignorant and insensitive thing to say..


anyway, OP.

I know that you are experiencing a strange sense of devastation, but also relief?
My aunt and uncle are currently going through a nasty divorce at the moment. my cousins are my age, and younger, so I've been talking to them a lot about everything.

Just remember that this is not your fault in the slightest (though you seem to have a pretty good sense of this, I just know that some kids feel this when their parents divorce).

One thing that probably isn't brought up too much is that your parents are human, and they are even more hurt/messed up by this than you are. They'll need you be there (to talk,listen? if that is the case). Try to keep a level head about this, and realize that life will be different. Try to take it in stride, and to not let it get you down too much. And (just like you're doing right now), talk about it! Parents, friends, other family, or counsellors, who ever you feel comfortable with. Talking is important.
Good luck.
Mar 28 2011 12:42AM
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Steve-Brown
Posts: 1894 - Karma: 810
my mom's only reason for staying in her relationship with my pops is cause she doesnt want to hurt us, but she repeatedly tells me its gonna be my fault they get a divorce.........so ya it sux but i kinda been wanting them to get a divorce for while but i can totally understand where u come from.
vibes best of luck

just relax and know it will be better in the long run, thats what keeps me goin
Mar 28 2011 12:47AM
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introvert
Posts: 4718 - Karma: 1,482
Thanks for the mature reply.

It's hard sometimes though. My mom seems to be more hurt than my dad, but is also the one pushing the divorce.




I am fine talking to friends. My parents are however, going to counseling.


My dad should have moved out by the end of the month.
Mar 28 2011 12:50AM
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CharlieSheen
Posts: 173 - Karma: 10
>implying my parents didn't get divorced.
>implying anything positive would have come from them staying together.
Mar 28 2011 12:58AM
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Jahrassicpark
Posts: 2075 - Karma: 38
Damn man that's sucks but at least you don't have to listen to them fight anymore and at they'll be more happy that they're not together instead of being miserable all the time, but hope it goes well for you man
Mar 28 2011 1:00AM
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*rkp*
Posts: 8198 - Karma: 257
no, when you validate divorce with "parents buying me stuff cuz' they're fighting for my affection"/ "wicked cool 2 houses", you come off as a fucking 12 year with no sense of consequentiality/
Mar 28 2011 1:03AM
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shibby
Posts: 7088 - Karma: -19
Mine did just after I turn 13. It was hands down the worst thing I've ever had to deal with and still to this day it gets to me.
Mar 28 2011 1:03AM
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paige.
Posts: 1932 - Karma: 924
I think you may find your parents go back to more normal once they've separated. Right now they've got a lot to fight over so it's pretty much the worst it is going to get. Once they've made the big steps, even if they haven't magically become friends, it should settle down a bit.
Now that my uncle is gone it is super easy to tell that not only is his ex-wife way happier, all of my cousins are too. Honestly, she is now the aunt I hadn't seen since I was a little kid and we can tell things are better every time we go visit even though we had no idea there was a problem in the first place (my uncle had had a girlfriend on the side for 12 years SURPRISE!!)
Mar 28 2011 1:07AM
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skithesprings
Posts: 9086 - Karma: 1,349
yeah, but they're a 12 year old with a PS3... AND an xbox 360!

seriously though, i'm glad my parents are together.
Mar 28 2011 1:09AM
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KevinK.
Posts: 564 - Karma: 209
My parents divorced when i was 3 and it sounds kinda bad but i think it might be better having them divorce when you are young because i grew up not knowing anything other than just living with my dad. I have a few friends now and thier parents are just getting divorced (im 18) and its totally tearing them apart because they have been used to having both parents. Its hard tho dont watch the disney channel like i did when i was young and think that every family is happy like on tv.
I wish you luck everything will be fine in the end dont worry +vibes
Mar 28 2011 1:10AM
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jasontheredhead
Posts: 955 - Karma: 243
my parents told me they were getting a divorce the day i got back from mt hood after a month... shit sucked

if your parents are going through all of the trouble to get a divorce then something must really be wrong with them (unless your moms a gold digging whore like mine) and it almost always works out for the better just dont put it on yourself, shit sucks my man but it gets better with time, you'll get used to it

+vibes man

Mar 28 2011 1:13AM
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ilanna.
Posts: 325 - Karma: 1,892

for me it seemed like it would suck in the beginning but there are many upsides

1) the house is a lot quieter, not as much fighting

2) seperate presents

3) everyone is all around happier, after all thats why they are getting divorced, because they think they will be better off without eachother

4) if your parents hate eachothers guts and dont talk at all, if you want to sneak out or something of the sort you can just say you're at your dads to your mom and to your dad that you are at your moms. it works for my friend all the time haha

Mar 28 2011 1:38AM
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CharlieSheen
Posts: 173 - Karma: 10
Parents getting divorced happens a lot, its not that big of a deal. I think most people who have divorced parents realise that everything is much better after the divorce. You can view it as a negative all you want, but the bottom line is that your parents probably hate eachother, and life is a whole lot fucking better when they're not forced to live in the same house/put on some front of a happy marriage.

also, >implying my first post was serious.











also umad
Mar 28 2011 1:48AM
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MN_Nice
Posts: 3824 - Karma: 56
Hasn't really phased me since I was like 8 or 9 when it happened, so I mean I've lived with it. I live with my mom, thankfully. She's only had one boyfriend since then and that didn't work out, so I rarely have to deal with shitty new relatives, unlike my dad's side.

If I could honestly give advice to you, it'd be keep in contact with the other you're not living with, and think about how much worse your parents could be doing. Keep in contact, because I honest-to-god forget about my dad sometimes. I should call him more often and try to make more plans with him but that shit just slips my mind. And it sucks, because I see the pain that it puts in him through his eyes. And the second part pretty much explains itself. Your parents could've gave you away for adoption, your dad could've left your mom and never met him, or you could've just been aborted. So thank them for what they've done so far.
Mar 28 2011 2:26AM
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big_mac_005
Posts: 78 - Karma: 12
my parents divorced when i was 7. Ya it can be a pain in the ass at times and it makes things more complicated than they need to be but you learn to accept it. there are some positives. Like im alot closer with my dad than i wud have been if my parents hadn't got a divorce. life goes on and you still get to make your own decisions even if ur parents couldn't always make the right ones. in the end they'll be happier and you can choose to not let this beat you and still be happy too
Mar 28 2011 5:18AM
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soulskier
Posts: 17806 - Karma: 3,841
dont know this from personal experience, but seeing friends go through it...dont try to pick sides, just creates more tension. that, and keep byour head up, just because your parents are going through a tough time doesnt mean you have to too
Mar 28 2011 7:10AM
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cwillygood
Posts: 6831 - Karma: 1,829
2 christmas's!!!!! but for reeal, that sucks bro
Mar 28 2011 7:40AM
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Charlie_Kelly
Posts: 11954 - Karma: 12,298
mine are right now. Im living with my dad (NH) and my mom moved to Burlington VT. Its actually not as bad as I thought it would be even though I only see my mom every couple weeks. Still sucks though. Just stay positive and things will work out, plus now you get two christmases :)
Mar 28 2011 7:50AM
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garrettwiz
Posts: 2662 - Karma: 34
Mine have been for about 10 years now. It has it's rough times but also its better times. Since my parents seperated when i was 7 i didn't have a huge idea of what was going on. Also my parents never got in any fights in from of me and my sister so it was kinda easy. So good luck man, i hope it all turns out as best as it can!
Mar 28 2011 9:21AM
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.travis.
Posts: 1737 - Karma: 46
mine divorced when I was like 11. I never looked at it in a negative way. if your parents were fighting
Mar 28 2011 9:32AM
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.travis.
Posts: 1737 - Karma: 46
fucking phone... anyway, if your parents were fighting a lot then you kind of have to realize that its better for everyone. they'll be happier and you won't have to listen to them fighting all the time.
Mar 28 2011 9:35AM
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TonKwon
Posts: 1013 - Karma: 54
At Least you get double birthday/christmas presents.

And hey, look on the bright side; Now you can maintain a better relationship with both of them without hearing them fight, i'm sure that brings out the bad side of them anyways am i not right?

Don't look at all the negatives, maybe they were staying together for you, now its time for you to step up to the plate and help them both out by being that #1 person there for both of them.
Mar 28 2011 9:37AM
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seemeski
Posts: 4210 - Karma: 124
No, shut the fuck up. Holidays and birthdays suck. The court always decided where my brother and I spent holidays. And when you had the holiday with the other parent we had to be home by five. Divorce blows goats.
Mar 28 2011 10:17AM
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JamesR
Posts: 3396 - Karma: -12
>parenting
Mar 28 2011 10:22AM
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victoriaseim
Posts: 45 - Karma: 15

mine is also gettin divorced, it's not that bad, my biggest bummer was that we had to leave my house, but then we didn't had to do that, soo I'm happy, always look on the bright side of life!

Mar 28 2011 10:24AM
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TonKwon
Posts: 1013 - Karma: 54
My apologies. Watch your mouth please and thanks!
Mar 28 2011 10:28AM
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ImNotARacist
Posts: 5136 - Karma: -1,030
He's right though. They probably will fight for his love unless they are like my dad.

And hes bringing a little bit of fun to an otherwise shitty situation. If I said that in a conversation about my friends divorce he would laugh not get pissed at me.

Don't be so sensitive all the time


as for downside= ???. Its only as bad as you make it out to be. They are the 2 people suffering from it the most, keep that in mind. Be as adult about it as possible. Personally I wouldn't take sides unless there is a legit reason like your moms a crack head or your dad hits you.

Its a shitty experience, but me and all my friends parents are split up and we all turned out to be semi responsible citizens.
Mar 28 2011 10:28AM
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Barefootin_Fiend
Posts: 7618 - Karma: 4,727
2 things...

1) whatever you do, don't blame yourself. your parents are only human. sometimes things don't work out between people. that's just the way things are. it's not that they don't love you, or don't even love each other in a way, but sometimes things aren't just meant to be. (it sounds like you've got a pretty good grip on this one.)

2) don't take sides. (unless, of course, your dad beats your mom or something crazy like that.) they are both human and are both prone to make mistakes. chances are, there's probably a lot more behind what's causing the divorce than you really know about. relationships are very complicated, and often times it's not just one person's fault when they fail, but rather a combination of faults between both parties. don't get yourself mixed up in this. love both of your parents - they both love you unconditionally. don't make one of them out to be the bad guy.

good luck, man. things will be ok. shit's tough, but you'll get through it. some day when you're older you'll be able to better understand it.
Mar 28 2011 10:33AM
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SkiTheYeast
Posts: 2310 - Karma: 390
Mine are but I'm glad my dad Is uptight and doesn't even want me to date go mommy
Mar 28 2011 10:50AM
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SkiTheYeast
Posts: 2310 - Karma: 390
I'm also 17
Mar 28 2011 10:51AM
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Daph
Posts: 5978 - Karma: 5,009
mine divorced when I was 11, but more good came out of it than bad. my mom had been cheating on my dad for upwards of 8 years and was a lying bitch. my dad and i became a lot closer through the whole thing, and in the end it wasn't that bad. +vibes though, not every situation works out as nicely as mine did.
Mar 28 2011 11:19AM
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[miller]lite69
Posts: 4 - Karma: 10
Its pretty tough at the beginning of the process, and the actual process can take a while, which blows. But after a while you realize it needed to happen. Make sure if you have siblings you all stick together, if not your friends will be there for ya.
Mar 28 2011 11:20AM
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EL_TIGRE
Posts: 2984 - Karma: 48
same here. only shitty part is sometimes I need something that I forgot at the other house
Mar 28 2011 11:31AM
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iSmokeweed
Posts: 4793 - Karma: 1,370
happened when i was in 3rd grade.

its not fun, and its will only get worse for the next couple years.

after that its solid.


btw first post in 2 weeks. so be happy that i chose your thread.
Mar 28 2011 12:54PM
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Hoppy
Posts: 685 - Karma: 95
hmmmmm i must be heartless, cause it didn't bother me that much when my parents got divorced.
Mar 28 2011 1:41PM
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parkdizzle
Posts: 103 - Karma: 10
+ vibes
My parents split up last year and it has sucked. Money is a constant problem and my mom is going to move to canada with her new BF. The only plus is that they dont fight but other than that my seemingly perfect life got flipped up-side-down.
Hope your situation is much better than mine..
Mar 28 2011 3:37PM
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Anti_Steeze
Posts: 1465 - Karma: 81
I think it really depends, My parents divorced when I was younger but my dad was always so busy with work and stuff that I never saw much of him anyways so things weren't that different once he finally moved out. My mom got full custody of us and it was like everything was normal; I would see my dad every once in a while if he decided to come to my hockey games or something but other than that I didn't see much of him after the divorce. My dad and I used to argue sometimes anyways so to be honest I kind of enjoyed him not living at home, I didn't have to argue with him and I didn't have to listen to my parents argue all the time so it kind of worked out. As I grew up I got a lot closer to him and really enjoy seeing him now as opposed to not really caring if i saw him or not when i was younger.

I honestly think my parents divorce worked out for the better, my parents get along a lot better now and I have grown to respect my dad alot more than I did when I was younger.
Mar 28 2011 4:03PM
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IanAvery-Leaf
Posts: 9931 - Karma: 9,399

Mar 28 2011 4:51PM
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3-6-steeze
Posts: 1135 - Karma: 147
Yeah don't worry about it. It gets better. it's just harder to stay organized
Mar 28 2011 4:58PM
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the.cheat
Posts: 2859 - Karma: 171
my parents are still married but seperated. we all live in the same house but they sleep in different rooms. they're looking for a condo that they will switch out living in between that and my house, which i really cant see working. its just really weird knowing your 55 your old dad is out on fridays talking to the ladies at bars and such... and it came as a complete suprise, ive neeever heard them argue. so i think they just lost interest in each other.
Mar 28 2011 5:03PM
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