Best ebay sale ever.

meh...

so fucking epic!

thats awesome

haha

hahaha I had a good laugh.  It was even better when I read they were donating to Japan

so awesome to see companies pitching in

i just lost it.

i dont get it...

that truly is awesome!

I bought this wetsuit brand-new last year and have worn it a fair bit. When I say 'fair' I reckon about 20 times, but then probably more like 30. A fair few times anyway.

HOWEVER you will like this, If it was not being worn, it was hung on a hangar or rolled to prevent creasing AND I rinsed it in fresh water after EVERY session so it's in VERY good condition as I look after my gear, I always do, similarly I take care of my body and shower at least once a day and always moisturise. Yes you're probably getting a feel for the kind of man I am. You can see from the pictures it has no creases and looks lovely. My friend Gaz has got a wetsuit that he doesn't look after and it looks like an Elephant's arse, all wrinkled, a bit like an old man's testicle.

You're probably thinking "People p*ss in wetsuits, I'm not sure about a second hand wetsuit", but believe it or not I have NEVER urinated in this suit, seriously, these suits are too good to be doing such a vulgar act in, the wee just ends up staying in the suit and then when you're sat having a post-surf pint in the pub you smell awful and girls don't like boys that smell of p*ss so you just sit there, alone all night, sobbing into your pint of Betty Stoggs like a lonely desperate p*ss smelling man.

I've included a picture of a bear using a urinal, this is how I normally use the toilet, notice that the animal is not wearing a wetsuit. Although I am not a bear, I, like a bear, do not p*ss in wetsuits.

It's a size medium or "m", it was the top of the range suit when I bought it, I think I paid around £300 for it, still a great warm suit that will make you surf at least 200% better. It won't really but it will keep you warm and it's flexible so you'll be able to throw your arms around like Beyonce whilst you're bouncing along a wave. People will look at you and say "f*ckin hell check that dude out, he knows what he's doing wearing one of those Xcel suits and he's got some fresh dance moves". They probably won't say this.

Now as it's been worn, there's some signs of wear around the neck, which I've taken pictures of, so you don't say "oi you c*nt, there's area of wear around the neck I'm giving you bad feedback". The pictures make it look worse than it is (because they're close-ups), and I've taken the pictures with the suit turned inside out, when it's the right way round you don't see the wear and it has no effect on the performance of the suit. That was a bit boring wasn't it, but it had to be done so you can't take me to eBay court for not being honest with you.

Why am I selling it? Well I've just bought a new one, as I'm a flash tw*t like that, I tend to get a new suit every season, I just like the feel of fresh neoprene on my soft skin, and well to be honest I could do with some cash to pay for prostitutes. No, that was a joke, now you're going to think the suit is riddled with disease but it's not as I was joking I do NOT engage with ladies of the night.

I'll post it out the next working day following cleared payment, or if you're around the Truro area you can come and collect it thus avoiding postage charges. Having said that, if you're a maniac, maybe you should just let me post it to you as I don't want to be murdered to death, especially as the summer is just beginning! WOO HOO.

Any questions just ask, I'll answer them very quickly as I'm sat at a computer all f*cking day, unless there's waves.

Thanks for looking and reading all of that ridiculous text, I hope you have a wonderful day.

That's so sick.

could someone printscreen ? seems like it doesnt work here for people in canada

haha, best description ever.

damn thats funny

That's so sick! I can't believe those companies are making so many donations.

That is the best ebay description ever.

12,000 euro's????

good to hear other companies wanting to help out. Auction is up to almost 13k pounds!

ahahahaha read the q&a its pure gold.

haha wtf is wrong with people

pounds

well it appears that humans are decent after all

i dopnt get it

I bought this wetsuit brand-new last year and have worn it a fair bit. When I say 'fair' I reckon about 20 times, but then probably more like 30. A fair few times anyway.

HOWEVER you will like this, If it was not being worn, it was hung on a hangar or rolled to prevent creasing AND I rinsed it in fresh water after EVERY session so it's in VERY good condition as I look after my gear, I always do, similarly I take care of my body and shower at least once a day and always moisturise. Yes you're probably getting a feel for the kind of man I am. You can see from the pictures it has no creases and looks lovely. My friend Gaz has got a wetsuit that he doesn't look after and it looks like an Elephant's arse, all wrinkled, a bit like an old man's testicle.

You're probably thinking "People p*ss in wetsuits, I'm not sure about a second hand wetsuit", but believe it or not I have NEVER urinated in this suit, seriously, these suits are too good to be doing such a vulgar act in, the wee just ends up staying in the suit and then when you're sat having a post-surf pint in the pub you smell awful and girls don't like boys that smell of p*ss so you just sit there, alone all night, sobbing into your pint of Betty Stoggs like a lonely desperate p*ss smelling man.

I've included a picture of a bear using a urinal, this is how I normally use the toilet, notice that the animal is not wearing a wetsuit. Although I am not a bear, I, like a bear, do not p*ss in wetsuits.

It's a size medium or "m", it was the top of the range suit when I bought it, I think I paid around £300 for it, still a great warm suit that will make you surf at least 200% better. It won't really but it will keep you warm and it's flexible so you'll be able to throw your arms around like Beyonce whilst you're bouncing along a wave. People will look at you and say "f*ckin hell check that dude out, he knows what he's doing wearing one of those Xcel suits and he's got some fresh dance moves". They probably won't say this.

Now as it's been worn, there's some signs of wear around the neck, which I've taken pictures of, so you don't say "oi you c*nt, there's area of wear around the neck I'm giving you bad feedback". The pictures make it look worse than it is (because they're close-ups), and I've taken the pictures with the suit turned inside out, when it's the right way round you don't see the wear and it has no effect on the performance of the suit. That was a bit boring wasn't it, but it had to be done so you can't take me to eBay court for not being honest with you.

Why am I selling it? Well I've just bought a new one, as I'm a flash tw*t like that, I tend to get a new suit every season, I just like the feel of fresh neoprene on my soft skin, and well to be honest I could do with some cash to pay for prostitutes. No, that was a joke, now you're going to think the suit is riddled with disease but it's not as I was joking I do NOT engage with ladies of the night.

I'll post it out the next working day following cleared payment, or if you're around the Truro area you can come and collect it thus avoiding postage charges. Having said that, if you're a maniac, maybe you should just let me post it to you as I don't want to be murdered to death, especially as the summer is just beginning! WOO HOO.

Any questions just ask, I'll answer them very quickly as I'm sat at a computer all f*cking day, unless there's waves.

Thanks for looking and reading all of that ridiculous text, I hope you have a wonderful day.
On 14-Mar-11 at 23:43:11 GMT, seller added the following information:
UPDATE.

This listing for my urine-free wetsuit is getting a lot of unexpected attention which is nice but I'm feeling I should do something positive with all the 'f*cking energy man', so I've decided to give 90% of the money it makes to the Red Cross to aid their efforts in Japan. That sounds all 'oh look at me I'm so nice I'm giving to charity' doesn't it... yeah well p*ss off.

On 15-Mar-11 at 00:42:42 GMT, seller added the following information:
Okay so people are now saying "only 90%", and I agree that sounds a bit sh*t, you see I was worried that if it only made it up to £20 or something I'd be unable to afford the postage! So let's say as the value goes up so does the percentage!

On 15-Mar-11 at 22:38:01 GMT, seller added the following information:
VERY IMPORTANT NEWS.

Just got off the phone to XCEL wetsuits in Hawaii, who are very kindly donating a BRAND NEW 2011 Drylock wetsuit to the auction, it will remain a 3/2 (summer) but will be available in a range of sizes to suit the winning bidder. So now, in addition to the original p*ss free suit, you'll also get a brand spanker, but still no bears or doors, just TWO wetsuits free of urine, one old and knackered (m) and one lovely and new (any size).

Big love to XCEL for their kind donation.

On 15-Mar-11 at 22:48:23 GMT, seller added the following information:
I should also add, that the new 2011 Drylock Summer suit retails at well over £300.00 and isn't available over here in the UK yet. So dig deep or you may get bummed by the bear.

On 16-Mar-11 at 14:29:07 GMT, seller added the following information:
More Stuff!
So the lovely lot over at DryRap are now donating one of their special change towels to the auction. This towel stops you exposing yourself whilst changing. It's one of those ideas you wish you'd thought of yourself. Jeff at the Miners Arms reckons he invented 'the horse' when he was a lad, we explained it was an animal and that evolution created it, he was having none of it, reckons he crossed a deer with a cow after a bottle of scotch.

On 16-Mar-11 at 22:21:51 GMT, seller added the following information:
And now the generous crew over at Carve magazine are also donating a year's subscription to their publication. This is great news to all us humans capable of reading but somewhat disappointing for bears.

On 16-Mar-11 at 23:36:41 GMT, seller added the following information:
So eBay called me at 17:30 GMT (16th) telling me the listing did not comply with their rules and would probably be removed, it is apparently 'unprofessional' and 'contains profanity', I did my best to explain that it was all in good spirit and for a good cause and asked if some discretion could be exercised in the name of charity, perhaps it could be considered an exceptional listing and could be allowed to run its course? They seemed unwilling to budge but it's now 6 hours since the call and it remains live, I'm hoping they've reconsidered and recognised no good can come from the removal, not only will it make them look incredibly bad, but it will also mean a charity will miss out on a $1,000+ donation.

On 18-Mar-11 at 21:32:00 GMT, seller added the following information:
IT GROWS.

This auction is now more packed out than the legion on a Wednesday when you can get a pint of Stoggs for £1.50. I had 4 once and was sick on the bath mat.

So first of all XCEL, my favourite wetsuit company, are now throwing in Men’s Drylock Boots AND Gloves (3 or 5mm) and are saying the winning bidder gets to choose their Infiniti Drylock Suit in 3mm,4mm, 4mm Hooded, or 5mm Hooded.

NIXON Watches are also contributing to the package by adding an Outsider Tide Watch!

Magicseaweed.com are throwing in a 6ft Fourth Speed Fish surfboard, hand shaped in Cornwall!

Nicole Morgan, pro surfer and all round legend, is kindly donating one of her Quiver boards to the cause which is 5'10 by 17'7/8 by 2.

Devon based company SURFPLUGS.com are throwing in some custom made ear plugs.

DVS footwear will do a pair of Rico CT (god went surfing with the devil colab) and a pair of Jordy 2 Sandals in whatever size the generous benefactor wants.

Madmonkeysurf.co.uk are donating a Northcore Double soft roof rack system.

thainleisure.com are throwing in a Curve 2 in 1 Changebag

Mambo: are providing their rare, out of print arty book "Still Life With Franchise".

Hickorynines are throwing in two tickets for the awesome Leopallooza festival which takes place over the weekend of 30th & 31st July 2011 near Bude, North Cornwall.

Ben Hall from Live Music Connections is donating two tickets for the REEF gig at Lusty Glaze this summer, 29th May 2011.

Ashortwalk.com are donating their moon, tide and time combination clock.

A1Surf.com are throwing in the DVD "Surfing Techniques with Timmy Curran"

Martin Dorey is contributing a copy of his book The Camper Van Cookbook.

Awesome Penzance based photographer Jacob Cockle is throwing in a free photography session (in or out of the water). See jacobcockle.com

AND Shipwire.com are shipping all this out to the winning bidder!

On 18-Mar-11 at 23:47:54 GMT, seller added the following information:
I was bound to make a mistake, inevitable after being forced to drink Jägermeister with the bear at 5pm. I listed SurfPlugs as SurfPlugs dot Com, and that was a fishing tackle company in America, they're actually SurfPlugs.co.uk and they make ear plugs that go in your ears not fishing lures. Sorry Rob. At least I didn't mistake Surf for Butt.

On 19-Mar-11 at 15:40:19 GMT, seller added the following information:
THIS IS GETTING DAFT NOW.

Okay more from the XCEL crew, they're now throwing in a Drylock bag. Which lets you carry around wet stuff without getting wet.

VonZipper are giving us a pair of their limited addition Smokeout Elmore sunnies in Purple Erkel.

Gwithian Academy of Surfing are throwing in two lots of surfing lessons! surfacademy.co.uk

saltrock.com are kindly donating a Mermaid 43" Pintail Long Skateboard.

100percentorganics.com are throwing in a complete set of organic skincare products worth £195 as well as the very first pot of their After Surf Face Balm. I like the sound of that, can I have the second pot?

Shredhead.com are donating a Dakine Traction Pad. This provides traction.

And my pal Leon at feelcreative.com is going to print a 120 x 90cm canvas of one of the shots Jacob Cockle gets during the photoshoot.

Questions and answers about this item
Q: Legend............
A: Okay, here's one that was told to me by George, a fisherman in Mylor, "When the wind blew from the north many moons ago a large seagull hovered high above the harbour carrying a naked man in its beak, the man was... Continue reading
19 Mar, 2011
Q: What's the fastest land mammal?
A: It's got to be the Scottish Terrier from the Farmers Arms, I lost a shoe to that little pr*ck once, it forced Adam on to a bus shelter roof.
19 Mar, 2011
Q: I think you're amazing. Can I have your babies?
A: Thank you, but no sir you cannot as I don't have any, if you buy yourself a foot spa I'm sure you could swap it for one.
19 Mar, 2011
Q: Not a question, just wanted to say well done! Amazing effort. Gotta love bears and urinals
A: Thank you CazzaHotBabe. Do you regret choosing that user-name now?
19 Mar, 2011
Q: Welldone geazer your a star, youve become a somewhat of a celeb!! You so need to get on the tv! What sort of TV show would you like to do if you could?
A: If I had to do a TV show, it'd be about condensation and its devastating affect on window frames, each week we'd teach the watchers how to reduce the moisture in their homes.
19 Mar, 2011

138 bids.

i lold

thats fucking awesome

dudes a marketing genius, i wonder which big company will pick up on it first.

Why the fuck is it dropping?! £9300 now, 3 hours to go.

Probably a few non-serious bidders.


Still, the most enjoyable ebay listing I've ever seen. Brits have their ways...

Sick auction made me laugh pretty good, but I don't beleive for a second he never pissed that wet suit!

I once found a 60ft, neon light michigan j frog for sale for 30mil.

for those who dont understand, a bunch of companies are throwing in stuff for the winning bidder so bids increase, resulting in a higher percentage of the money being donated to japan

all the updates -

UPDATE.

This listing for my urine-free wetsuit is getting a lot of unexpected attention which is nice but I'm feeling I should do something positive with all the 'f*cking energy man', so I've decided to give 90% of the money it makes to the Red Cross to aid their efforts in Japan. That sounds all 'oh look at me I'm so nice I'm giving to charity' doesn't it... yeah well p*ss off.

On 15-Mar-11 at 00:42:42 GMT, seller added the following information:
Okay so people are now saying "only 90%", and I agree that sounds a bit sh*t, you see I was worried that if it only made it up to £20 or something I'd be unable to afford the postage! So let's say as the value goes up so does the percentage!

On 15-Mar-11 at 22:38:01 GMT, seller added the following information:
VERY IMPORTANT NEWS.

Just got off the phone to XCEL wetsuits in Hawaii, who are very kindly donating a BRAND NEW 2011 Drylock wetsuit to the auction, it will remain a 3/2 (summer) but will be available in a range of sizes to suit the winning bidder. So now, in addition to the original p*ss free suit, you'll also get a brand spanker, but still no bears or doors, just TWO wetsuits free of urine, one old and knackered (m) and one lovely and new (any size).

Big love to XCEL for their kind donation.

On 15-Mar-11 at 22:48:23 GMT, seller added the following information:
I should also add, that the new 2011 Drylock Summer suit retails at well over £300.00 and isn't available over here in the UK yet. So dig deep or you may get bummed by the bear.

On 16-Mar-11 at 14:29:07 GMT, seller added the following information:
More Stuff!
So the lovely lot over at DryRap are now donating one of their special change towels to the auction. This towel stops you exposing yourself whilst changing. It's one of those ideas you wish you'd thought of yourself. Jeff at the Miners Arms reckons he invented 'the horse' when he was a lad, we explained it was an animal and that evolution created it, he was having none of it, reckons he crossed a deer with a cow after a bottle of scotch.

On 16-Mar-11 at 22:21:51 GMT, seller added the following information:
And now the generous crew over at Carve magazine are also donating a year's subscription to their publication. This is great news to all us humans capable of reading but somewhat disappointing for bears.

On 16-Mar-11 at 23:36:41 GMT, seller added the following information:
So eBay called me at 17:30 GMT (16th) telling me the listing did not comply with their rules and would probably be removed, it is apparently 'unprofessional' and 'contains profanity', I did my best to explain that it was all in good spirit and for a good cause and asked if some discretion could be exercised in the name of charity, perhaps it could be considered an exceptional listing and could be allowed to run its course? They seemed unwilling to budge but it's now 6 hours since the call and it remains live, I'm hoping they've reconsidered and recognised no good can come from the removal, not only will it make them look incredibly bad, but it will also mean a charity will miss out on a $1,000+ donation.

On 18-Mar-11 at 21:32:00 GMT, seller added the following information:
IT GROWS.

This auction is now more packed out than the legion on a Wednesday when you can get a pint of Stoggs for £1.50. I had 4 once and was sick on the bath mat.

So first of all XCEL, my favourite wetsuit company, are now throwing in Men’s Drylock Boots AND Gloves (3 or 5mm) and are saying the winning bidder gets to choose their Infiniti Drylock Suit in 3mm,4mm, 4mm Hooded, or 5mm Hooded.

NIXON Watches are also contributing to the package by adding an Outsider Tide Watch!

Magicseaweed.com are throwing in a 6ft Fourth Speed Fish surfboard, hand shaped in Cornwall!

Nicole Morgan, pro surfer and all round legend, is kindly donating one of her Quiver boards to the cause which is 5'10 by 17'7/8 by 2.

Devon based company SURFPLUGS.com are throwing in some custom made ear plugs.

DVS footwear will do a pair of Rico CT (god went surfing with the devil colab) and a pair of Jordy 2 Sandals in whatever size the generous benefactor wants.

Madmonkeysurf.co.uk are donating a Northcore Double soft roof rack system.

thainleisure.com are throwing in a Curve 2 in 1 Changebag

Mambo: are providing their rare, out of print arty book "Still Life With Franchise".

Hickorynines are throwing in two tickets for the awesome Leopallooza festival which takes place over the weekend of 30th & 31st July 2011 near Bude, North Cornwall.

Ben Hall from Live Music Connections is donating two tickets for the REEF gig at Lusty Glaze this summer, 29th May 2011.

Ashortwalk.com are donating their moon, tide and time combination clock.

A1Surf.com are throwing in the DVD "Surfing Techniques with Timmy Curran"

Martin Dorey is contributing a copy of his book The Camper Van Cookbook.

Awesome Penzance based photographer Jacob Cockle is throwing in a free photography session (in or out of the water). See jacobcockle.com

AND Shipwire.com are shipping all this out to the winning bidder!

On 18-Mar-11 at 23:47:54 GMT, seller added the following information:
I was bound to make a mistake, inevitable after being forced to drink Jägermeister with the bear at 5pm. I listed SurfPlugs as SurfPlugs dot Com, and that was a fishing tackle company in America, they're actually SurfPlugs.co.uk and they make ear plugs that go in your ears not fishing lures. Sorry Rob. At least I didn't mistake Surf for Butt.

On 19-Mar-11 at 15:40:19 GMT, seller added the following information:
THIS IS GETTING DAFT NOW.

Okay more from the XCEL crew, they're now throwing in a Drylock bag. Which lets you carry around wet stuff without getting wet.

VonZipper are giving us a pair of their limited addition Smokeout Elmore sunnies in Purple Erkel.

Gwithian Academy of Surfing are throwing in two lots of surfing lessons! surfacademy.co.uk

saltrock.com are kindly donating a Mermaid 43" Pintail Long Skateboard.

100percentorganics.com are throwing in a complete set of organic skincare products worth £195 as well as the very first pot of their After Surf Face Balm. I like the sound of that, can I have the second pot?

Shredhead.com are donating a Dakine Traction Pad. This provides traction.

And my pal Leon at feelcreative.com is going to print a 120 x 90cm canvas of one of the shots Jacob Cockle gets during the photoshoot.

On 20-Mar-11 at 20:56:11 GMT, seller added the following information:
NEW WEBSITE

I have received over 2,000 questions about the wetsuit, which I've not even made a small dent in (sorry!) so I'm setting up a website which will allow the Q&A's to continue long after the auction ends.

I'll be answering the questions I've missed as well as responding to new questions about other subjects such as garment care, manners and soup.

Visit the site to register your interest: www.bearsdontwearwetsuits.com

fucking legend

Went for £8999, so about £8050 to Japan, not bad.

in usd its about $12,700 and $11,430 will go to japan and it's funny cause the guy bought the suit for $400

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The questions and answers are gold.

haha that's sick

That's so clever.