LesBainsDouches, this is for you:

I've read some of your replies in posts featuring my articles.

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QUOTE:
'I'm pretty confident you won't ever be published offline, Tom.'
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That is perfectly fine with me. After all, my major is Forensic Science, not Journalism or English. To me, writing is nothing more than a hobby.

If what I write isn't 'intelligent' enough for you, I honestly couldn't care less. Let me tell you why.

After reading your inane hyperbole, grandiose bravado, and blatant over-analysis of the articles I have written, I find myself wondering why you have such an issue with my journalistic style. Basically what I'm asking you is, why are you so melodramatic? How do my articles affect you in any way?

If need be, I can inject large words and intellectually stimulating thoughts and references into the posts I make as well; however, I feel doing so on something as inconsequential as an internet forum makes a person appear pompous and egomaniacal. You sir, are a shining example of that theory.

What makes me chuckle is you try your best to sound intelligent, yet you frequently misuse (and misspell) the word 'pseudo' by spelling it 'pseudy.' For someone as 'gifted' as you, I would expect you to know that 'pseudy' is not a word. Perhaps you believe you're so brilliant that you can make words up and no one will notice? Who knows?

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QUOTE:
'I'm a little choked you're giving thumbs up to a guy whose site (which he constantly links to) is full of really irresponsible Angry-RPG-Dude, 'some of my best friends are niggers' shock-jock type shit.'
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The classic know-it-all showcasing his cerebral prowess strikes again!

First, I've linked to my web site a total of TWICE on this forum. I'd hardly consider that 'constantly referring to something.'

Second, please explain how any of the content on my web site is irresponsible, angry, or any of the other things you mentioned.

Allow me to run down a short list of topics I have written about on said web site.

1. Being forced to dance with a fat girl in Bahrain.
2. Killing a Shakespeare-quoting spider in my kitchen.
3. An article about EA Sports that I wrote for the most-visited Madden web site on the internet.
4. A diatribe about movie theaters and Timeline.
5. A story about my neighbor's two-year-old daughter and her desire to kill me. (Which was discovered and posted on www.boredatwork.com.)
6. The resolution to that story.
7. An article about my experiences playing football in my backyard as a child.
8. A story about rubbing two cats together to see if they spark.
9. An article about a neighbor I had in college (before I joined the navy).
10. An self-depreciating tale about a prank gone awry.
11. A story about my friends and their experiences with LSD.

Now, with your infinite wisdom, please explain how any of those could be misconstrued as 'Angry-RPG-Dude, 'some of my best friends are niggers' shock-jock type shit.'

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QUOTE:
'I just get annoyed when underinformed Stileproject-forum style 'aggro' writing actually tries to pass itself off as 'proper' writing because it's attached to some no-mark webzine.
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I'm going to assume you're aware that under informed is two words.

Anyway, to lump all of my writing into one large category ('aggro') is quite silly. Out of all the articles I've written, maybe three were written in 'rant' form.

Usually I take the 'story-telling' approach to writing and one of my main influences is Bill Simmons (a columnist for www.EPSN.com, EPSN the Magazine, and former-writer for The Jimmy Kimmel Show). He has a similar style where he'll go off on an entirely different subject, then eventually roll back around to his main topic. Perhaps you don't like it, but apparently the good folks at ESPN do.

I've never claimed to write for magazines. You seem to have a very elitist opinion of what is entertaining and what is not. Since you seem to be so fond of making assumptions about me, allow me to do the same.

Grisham, Crichton, King = BAD
Twain, Dickens, Whitman = GOOD

Like I mentioned before, you're an elitist. To put it in simple terms, you're the guy who owns the record store and believes that anyone who enjoys music you don't approve of is an idiot. You think you're better than they are because you have different tastes.

Here is a fact you don't seem to comprehend:
99% of people on the internet don't want to read long-winded tales of intrigue and chicanery. Many of them prefer a short article that allows them to laugh and say: 'Hey! I feel the same way.'

Someone once told me that the trick to being a successful writer is to know your audience. I seem to know mine very well, especially when you consider the articles I have written have received over 70,000 hits.