Member of the Month

hi_vis360
November, 2024

Online

Welcome to the Newschoolers forums! You may read the forums as a guest, however you must be a registered member to post. Register to become a member today!

I need help from the Ladies/Not Asswipes of NS....

profile picture
BenWhit
Posts: 4654 - Karma: 3,256
I find it incredibly difficult to be friends, or even remotely civil with my latest ex. she built me up, telling me i was perfect and all that jazz, then broke me down in saying that there was too much "stress" in her life, she couldn't handle the stress of a "relationsip", and had more fun single. This hurt me pretty bad, considering it was the day after i had taken her out to a super expensive dinner and we had had such a good time.

prior to winter break we were pretty close, because i had this false hope that she would realize how bad she fucked up, but we didn't talk at all over break so i took the hint that she didn't want to be close anymore, after she insisted on being friends. the first month at school has been rough, considering we hang out with the same people and she comes to all the frat parties with us. she meaninglessly sat on my best friends lap the other night and i went into a drunken rage and freaked out on my buddy...

so i ask the NS members with feelings, how do you be friends with someone that hurt you?
Feb 14 2011 12:49PM
0 0
profile picture
IceCreamer
Posts: 1587 - Karma: 27
Go to Ladies Man
Feb 14 2011 12:50PM
0 0
profile picture
GayWolf420
Posts: 37427 - Karma: 120,632
Ladies men if you want serious ones and not "pee in her butt lololol" from dickwads.
Feb 14 2011 12:52PM
0 0
profile picture
freestyler540
Posts: 13088 - Karma: 18,759
time my friend, time fixes everything
Feb 14 2011 12:53PM
0 0
profile picture
skithesprings
Posts: 9086 - Karma: 1,349
pee in her butt





























take this shit to ladies men fo real before i consider a genuine response.
Feb 14 2011 12:53PM
0 0
profile picture
triebby
Posts: 8670 - Karma: 2,190
Your query would be better answered if you posted it in here: https://www.newschoolers.com/ns/cult/home/id/1578/t/ladies+men/

As far as your question, sometimes you can't be friends with them, or at the very least it will take time. Though true friendship may never happen. You may be able to find a way to be civil, polite and tolerate one another, but regaining actual friendship can be tough.
Feb 14 2011 12:53PM
0 0
profile picture
.AR6rider.
Posts: 15976 - Karma: 8,799
The hardest thing that you're going to have to face is that you probably won't ever be able to have the same relationship with her that you had before, even before you were dating. It's pretty hard to be good friends with an ex. The best thing to do is move on. If she has a change of heart, she'll come back to you, but don't try and pursue it too much.
Feb 14 2011 12:55PM
0 0
profile picture
BenWhit
Posts: 4654 - Karma: 3,256
i was not admitted into the ladies men cult.
Feb 14 2011 12:55PM
0 0
profile picture
chardi
Posts: 5040 - Karma: 59
EMPTY YOUR BLADDER INTO HER RECTUM!!!
Feb 14 2011 12:56PM
0 0
profile picture
TPalms
Posts: 859 - Karma: 252
You weren't admitted or you're still waiting for a reply?

PM one of the mods of that cult and ask for an invite. They should let you in.
Feb 14 2011 1:02PM
0 0
profile picture
californiagrown
Posts: 9794 - Karma: 2,014
she's not ready to have a real relationship. its pretty obvious that no matter what anyone does she isnt ready. If she does get in a relationship then it will disolve quickly because she isnt ready. U cant do anything about it. Life is not fun, and life is not fair.
Feb 14 2011 1:06PM
0 0
profile picture
Huck_Norris
Posts: 11487 - Karma: 18,627

Good luck man, that's a tough one. 

My .02...  Let it go.  You can't see someone that often that you care strongly about and not feel something.  Tell her you can't be freinds if you can't.  Tell her you still have feelings and it's fucking up your steeze to see her all the time but maybe once you have a chance to circle your wagons and get over her you can try again.  Also, by showing her it's all or nothing might get it into her head that if she wants you in her life it's time to make a decision either way instead of playing games and being immature about it, i.e.- waiting until AFTER you take her to an expensive dinner to be real with you etc.  

Honestly the "lets be friends" stuff only really works if you're not that into each other.  You need to tell her what's up, but also be honest with yourself about it- you need to let her go 100% if she is going to continue to flake out on you.  Seriously, letting people who are careless with your emotions stomp around inside your head is so unhealthy it isn't even funny.  Patch it up or peace it out.  Good luck broseph. 

Feb 14 2011 1:08PM
0 0
profile picture
BenWhit
Posts: 4654 - Karma: 3,256
this is about as real as its gonna get.
Feb 14 2011 1:13PM
0 0
profile picture
snowdon
Posts: 2480 - Karma: 391
Yep this. After my ex and I broke up, he'd talk to me and it'd always be a huge fight, basically a mess of 'who can insult who more.' He'd insist on bringing up his new girlfriend (who was the main reason we broke up, so she was a pretty sore subject with me), I'd get pissed and call her a cum dumpster or some such thing, he'd defend her, I'd get mad at him for defending her, and it would escalate from there. Finally I freaked out and told him that since he obviously couldn't handle talking to me without bringing her up/being a dick, he shouldn't talk to me at all. There was a solid 6 month period where we really didn't say two words to each other. We both needed that time to stop being so angry and hurt, and when we did start talking again it was, if nothing else, at least mostly civil. We'll still kinda push each other's buttons a little - he'll say he thought he saw me flying around on my broomstick the other night, I'll say that I hope his future kids grow up to be members of Young Republicans so he'll kill himself, that sort of thing, but it's mostly not serious. He also never talks about the other girl with me anymore, which I honestly appreciate.

At any rate, moral of the story is you have to give it a lot of time and give her space. It's hard when you have the same friends, but avoid her for a while until you're both over it. It's too difficult to be civil when you're still in that hurt/angry phase (especially the occasions when alcohol gets involved...), you've gotta get past that and move on first. As far as actually hanging out and being true friends again goes though, that probably wont ever happen unless you only dated for like a month or something. Just gotta accept that, it's sorta the way it goes most of the time.
Feb 14 2011 1:53PM
0 0
profile picture
BenWhit
Posts: 4654 - Karma: 3,256
hahahahaha that's hilarious
Feb 14 2011 1:55PM
0 0
profile picture
Huck_Norris
Posts: 11487 - Karma: 18,627

you sound crazy as fuck. 

It's kind of hot.  You should fuck me to get back at him. 

Feb 14 2011 1:57PM
0 0
profile picture
snowdon
Posts: 2480 - Karma: 391
Well, you hit the nail on the head there. The hot ones are always crazy, duh.

However, since you're on NS you're probably 14 and that would be illegal. I don't need Chris Hansen telling me to take a seat over there.
Feb 14 2011 2:03PM
0 0
profile picture
SCOO-WOOP
Posts: 1264 - Karma: 244
I turn 18 in 2 days.


I'll take you out to dinner....AND hold the door for you.



Feb 14 2011 2:05PM
0 0
profile picture
PetriDish
Posts: 277 - Karma: 10
I broke up with my ex after 6 years, and while it was a mutual decision in the end, I still longed for her and waited for her to change her mind. Love + attachment + not being single for over half a decade fucks you up royally and can make you a pathetic mess.

Now after 2 years, I'm doing great, she has some new guy and on the phone and via e-mail we can be friends, but it's still weird face-to-face. Everytime I hang out with her now actually makes me happier, as I see we were a good fit, but not good enough - too pessimistic for me and cramped up my life a whole ton, I just didn't see it through the pink fog.

To the OP, tell her straight that you don't feel comfortable seeing her around right now or just ignore her completely if possible and most of all, don't rush into anything new, you'll regret it.
Feb 14 2011 2:07PM
0 0
profile picture
Gnarshred
Posts: 5670 - Karma: 18
Fat girls are crazier. They'll do anything.

As for OP. I dunno man, if you get an answer, PM me. I'm having trouble even having a long distance friendship with an ex. Its painful and it sucks.
Feb 14 2011 2:15PM
0 0
profile picture
snowdon
Posts: 2480 - Karma: 391
Well, a girl's gotta eat, right?

And happy birthday to you sir!
Feb 14 2011 2:22PM
0 0
profile picture
Talacious[Tally]
Posts: 1686 - Karma: 189
you dont. simple as that. i have never been friends with an ex and most likely wont because there is a reason you break up.
Feb 14 2011 2:24PM
0 0
profile picture
Alex_G
Posts: 11902 - Karma: 1,019
honestly i don't know how to break this to you but she's probably fucking somebody else. in the future you will realize how stupid she was/how young you were and realize that relationships at your age are extremely unconventional. i'd say go out and meet as many girls as you can and even though you don't want to right now the first girl you get with will help you forget about it. then your ex will probably get really jealous and want to be with you again and at that point you will realize how fake that hoe was in the first place and you'll go on and bang multiple women and not worry about shit and be happy.
Feb 14 2011 4:40PM
0 0
profile picture
TechnoPotamus
Posts: 11626 - Karma: 3,522
idk that she's doing that necessarily but Alex is right. Go out and have fun, don't waste time with relationships at that age, people really are too young to get it right most of the time.

when i was in college i spent half of it in a relationship or more even and i wish i hadn't. it's such a better idea to have fun and not stress yourself with relationships and ex's and all of that. Don't sweat over this girl any more buddy, try and get her out of your mind - she's caused you enough problems. let it go and do your own thing!
Feb 14 2011 4:43PM
0 0
profile picture
BenWhit
Posts: 4654 - Karma: 3,256
i know for certain she's not fucking someone hahaha but it just sucks losing a friend. i have to find a way to tolerate her considering she's always around. i don't want to be in a relationship with this girl, i'm just turning a new leaf in my life and trying to be civil with her. the first weekend back from winter break i realized what a huge mistake a relationship in college is, trust me i learned my lesson.
Feb 14 2011 4:51PM
0 0
profile picture
Greenish
Posts: 2047 - Karma: 367
go make out with buncha girls at parties and then once you find one that you really like making out with start dating her and hopefully she turns out to be fucking awesome!
Feb 14 2011 4:53PM
0 0
profile picture
BenWhit
Posts: 4654 - Karma: 3,256
blowies are the standard here hahahahaha
Feb 14 2011 4:55PM
0 0
profile picture
DADDYlongLEGS
Posts: 1574 - Karma: 48
Goddamn it! Making me laugh in class
Feb 14 2011 5:16PM
0 0
profile picture
alyssssssa
Posts: 90 - Karma: 83
you cant be friends..
shes just using you as a backup, so if everything else fails she still has you..

Feb 14 2011 6:37PM
0 0
profile picture
klayer_9
Posts: 2037 - Karma: 188
lol.
Feb 14 2011 6:39PM
0 0
profile picture
Anathema
Posts: 21048 - Karma: 5,061
shit doesn't work with ex's. trust me. get over it, cut her loose

I RELEASE YOU LITTLE BIRDIE, NOW FLY AWAY.....

/dove in the hand magic trick
Feb 14 2011 6:40PM
0 0
profile picture
CAPITA-DEVOURS
Posts: 1968 - Karma: 4
lolol. +k for that one!
Feb 14 2011 6:52PM
0 0
profile picture
RubberSoul
Posts: 11249 - Karma: 14,642
fair warning: i'm biased


but i don't really see why you should feel the need to be friends with her if you guys didn't break up on amicable terms. not saying you should be standoffish, but really if she broke it off so abruptly and wants to be friends now, she's wanting to have her cake and eat it too and there's no reason i can think of that you should have to bear with that. she should be able to understand that you don't like hanging out and seeing her with other dudes etc

that being said, time heals everything, for better or for worse. if you feel strongly that you want to be friends with her then maybe ask her to take a break where you dont see each other or talk for a while so you can get over her (and believe me, you will) then you can try out the whole casual hanging out thing

my 2 cents
Feb 14 2011 6:53PM
0 0
profile picture
snowdon
Posts: 2480 - Karma: 391
Just as long as you keep the roofies out of it.
Feb 14 2011 7:14PM
0 0
profile picture
Leeyum
Posts: 1285 - Karma: 168
i just spit juice all over my laptop laughing at this ...thanks haha
Feb 14 2011 7:17PM
0 0
profile picture
-Mugatu
Posts: 2579 - Karma: 84
Had this problem before. Your gonna want to try to be friends but its not gonna end up working out so you might as well just stop caring. Dont be a dick or anything but you will see a friendship wont work out.
Feb 14 2011 7:19PM
0 0
profile picture
BenWhit
Posts: 4654 - Karma: 3,256
we talked, and i told her that since she insisted we be friends when she canned my ass i had expected more effort from her in that department and when i didn't see any i got the hint and left her alone. she then proceeded to tell me that i had put in virtually no effort, which i deserved to do considering i had to try so damn hard to get close to her. we didn;t decide on anything definitive so i'm just gonna wing it and whatever happens happens. thanks guys.
Feb 17 2011 12:58AM
0 0
All times are Eastern (-5)