I hate their trite lyrics. I hate their power cords. I hate the groups that have copied them and ruined music. And I really hate their high-voiced lead singer.
I especially hate when the high-voiced bastard throws a water bottle into the crowd that ends up hitting me in the face giving me a bloody lip and my friends and everyone around me something to laugh at.
I've gotten ahead of myself, allow me to explain.
Perhaps you have seen me mention that I was in the navy. Perhaps you've also seen the story (http://www.ubersite.com/m/20241) I wrote about an experience I had in a little middle-eastern country called Bahrain.
Well, while I was in Bahrain, a certain shit band arrived to play a gig in order to boost troop morale. (Let me tell you, when you're in a country that has an average daily temperature of five thousand degrees, you need all the morale boosting you can get.) Apparently the military didn't get the memo that Blink 182 is one of the worst bands ever.
Now normally I wouldn't go see a band as bad as these clowns, but the concert was free. Plus you got all the free bottled water you could drink and a free Blink 182 t-shirt. Now I'm all about free bottled water and I knew the t-shirt would give me something to wipe my ass with later on that night so my friends and I decided to go.
When they walked onto the stage, they started chanting swear words over and over to prove how cool they are. After a minute of this, they finally began to play their songs.
Imagine this scenario:
You're standing between two sweaty men with vicious B.O., there's a fat guy in front of you with really bad gas, it is 140 degrees even though the sun set an hour ago, and Blink 182 music is blaring in your ears.
I now know what hell will be like and I am no longer frightened.
Ten minutes later, we're standing there listening to them wail away about being 23 and everyone hating them. When the song ends, they decide that they are not only 'rock stars,' they are also comedians.
'Man' annoying high-voiced bastard says. 'It's hot out here.'
Silence from the crowd. We work in this heat during the day with our uniforms on, we know how hot it is.
'I mean,' he continues 'I didn't think it was possible to get a sunburn in the dark.'
'PLAY SOME FUCKING MUSIC AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!!' the fat guy in front of me yells.
At this point, I hear the high-voiced bastard say: 'You guys look like you could use some water.'
He then proceeds to pick up a water bottle and hurl it into the crowd with all the strength he can muster... right at the behemoth standing in front of me.
The fat guy ducks, the bottle hits me square in the face, friends laugh, strangers laugh, high-voiced bastard laughs.
I reach up and touch my lip... it's bleeding. The lead singer of Blink 182 just hit me in the face with a water bottle and made my lip bleed! If this was a U2 concert, and Bono had hit me in the face with a water bottle, I would have picked that thing up and treasured it for life. However, when the Blink 182 idiot does so, there's only one response I can come up with:
Throw the bottle back at him.
I reach down, pick up the bottle, and throw it towards the stage. As I my arm was coming forward, it was bumped by the fat guy in front of me. This caused the throw to miss annoying high-voiced man and hit the drummer in the head. He stands up and yells and security promptly removes me from the show.
As I'm being dragged away, I see the high-voiced bastard giving me the finger. I pull away from the security guards, grab a bottle away from a complete stranger, and throw it towards the stage only to watch as it hits the bass player in the arm. He turns and glares at me.
I hit everyone in the group except for the intended target. This actually makes me sick to my stomach. Because of this, I have purchased a ticket to another Blink 182 show in Columbus, Ohio. At the show, I plan on urinating in a bottle and hitting him square in his face with it.
Skiing, the remedy to all illnesses
-Eric
