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Good jokes

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Steve-Brown
Posts: 1894 - Karma: 810

I'll start

me- "Hey Mom"

her- "Yah"

me- "What's your DPH"

her- "My what?"

me- "It means Dishers Per Hour"

got a slap in the face with that one

Jan 31 2011 10:55PM
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Skittle.
Posts: 2537 - Karma: 718
classic
Jan 31 2011 10:56PM
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SkiThe603
Posts: 5376 - Karma: 498
good
Jan 31 2011 10:56PM
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meth_time
Posts: 2783 - Karma: 21
I don't get it.
Jan 31 2011 11:00PM
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Steve-Brown
Posts: 1894 - Karma: 810
^^ its sexist
Jan 31 2011 11:03PM
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Just_Send_It
Posts: 4761 - Karma: 992
hey wanna hear a joke?


























soulja boy
Jan 31 2011 11:15PM
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Steve-Brown
Posts: 1894 - Karma: 810
^^haha
Jan 31 2011 11:21PM
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Moo
Posts: 608 - Karma: 19
were you in the kitchen?
Jan 31 2011 11:29PM
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Steve-Brown
Posts: 1894 - Karma: 810

ya

 haha

even caught her while she was doin the dishes

Jan 31 2011 11:32PM
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Sharknuts.
Posts: 339 - Karma: 953
So today in class I was told to write a thesis on the 19th amendment aka women's rights. My three main topics were The Kitchen, The Laundry Room, and a The Bed Room. My teacher gave me a 10/10 and fist bumped me after class.
Jan 31 2011 11:34PM
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jmBEERY
Posts: 392 - Karma: 57
it was so chill
MLIB
Jan 31 2011 11:36PM
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Sharknuts.
Posts: 339 - Karma: 953
damn your good!
Jan 31 2011 11:37PM
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Dainsey
Posts: 2263 - Karma: 378
what do gay horses eat?















HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! (in a gay voice)
Jan 31 2011 11:50PM
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Steve-Brown
Posts: 1894 - Karma: 810
cleva cleva haha
Jan 31 2011 11:59PM
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RoofDaRoofieDogg
Posts: 3090 - Karma: 1,989
Womens rights- I laugh everytime I hear it!
Feb 1 2011 12:12AM
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binturong-qwerty
Posts: 1506 - Karma: 146
Why did the crane cross the road?


There was a mattress in the pool across the street

Sep 28 2011 8:00PM
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Blurst
Posts: 13577 - Karma: 10,169
This is the worst collection of jokes I have ever seen, except the matress one.
Sep 28 2011 8:01PM
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Deezy
Posts: 4580 - Karma: 1,004
why did the pool cross the mattress?

because there was a road in a crane and it took a pool to get it out

Sep 28 2011 8:20PM
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Thugly-Gnarskins
Posts: 120 - Karma: 17
* knock knock

whos there?

* I eat mop

I eat mop who?

* haha, you eat your own poo



My personal fave
Sep 28 2011 9:11PM
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AWALLRUS.
Posts: 5762 - Karma: 223
HOW DO YOU GET A MATRESS OUT OF A CRANE?

WALK THE POOL ACROSS THE ROAD
Sep 28 2011 9:13PM
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ganja_enthusiast
Posts: 1119 - Karma: 34
i have some kinda fucked up ones:

what is red, silver and walks into walls?

-a baby with forks in its eyes

why are woman's feet so small?

- so they can get closer to the kitchen counter

how many woman does it take to change a lightbulb?

-2, one to change the light bulb, and the other to blow me

why did the woman cross the road?

-to suck my dick

why did the kid fall off the swing?

-she had no arms

what did the homeless man get for Christmas?

-nothing

whats worse than 100 dead babys in a garbage can?
- 1 dead baby in 100 garbage cans

how do you make a dead baby float?
-take your foot off its head

i have more fucked up one but not gunna post them
Sep 28 2011 9:20PM
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-=---=-=-=-
Posts: 424 - Karma: 7
Want to hear a joke?
























Women's rights
Sep 28 2011 9:21PM
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.squirrely.
Posts: 7563 - Karma: 7,546
whats long and black?




















the unemployment line
Sep 28 2011 9:30PM
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Gmart
Posts: 1634 - Karma: 273
repost -____-
Sep 28 2011 9:30PM
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k-fred
Posts: 5363 - Karma: 1,598
Never too young, just too tight.
Sep 28 2011 9:43PM
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J.M
Posts: 2854 - Karma: 254
.
Sep 28 2011 10:19PM
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Bro.J.
Posts: 184 - Karma: 13
Did you hear about the new german microwave?

It seats 10.
Sep 28 2011 10:26PM
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.RYAN66
Posts: 5381 - Karma: 235
Unemployment one was good
Sep 28 2011 10:30PM
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J.M
Posts: 2854 - Karma: 254
thats just sick...........
Sep 28 2011 10:32PM
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.RYAN66
Posts: 5381 - Karma: 235
Three third-graders, a Jew, an Italian, and an African American are on the playground at recess. The Jewish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest dick," he says. "Okay," they all agree.

The Jewish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out. "That's nothing," says the Italian kid. He whips his out. His is a couple of inches longer. Not to be outdone, the African American whips his out. It is far the biggest, dwarfing the other two in both length and width. The Jewish and Italian kid are stunned and amazed. "Wow, that thing is huge!" they exclaim.

That night, eating dinner at home, the African American's mother asks him what he did at school today.

"Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud from a new book ...and during recess, my friends and I played "Let's see who has the largest dick."

"What kind of game is that, honey?" says the mother.

"Well, me, Sidney and Anthony each pulled out our penises, and I had the biggest! The other kids say its because I'm black. Is that true, Mom?"

The mom replies: "No, honey. It's because you're twenty-three."
Sep 28 2011 10:56PM
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Rossberger
Posts: 768 - Karma: 168
I good a good laugh out of this one but I can't be credited.

A neutrino walks into a bar, the bartender says "we don't allow your kind here." The neutrino says, "Sorry, just passing through."
Sep 28 2011 10:59PM
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ski@jaypeak2
Posts: 2802 - Karma: 429
knock knock

*who's there?

broken pencil

*broken pencil who?

ahh nevermind its pointless.
Sep 28 2011 11:03PM
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_Mac_n_Steez_
Posts: 259 - Karma: -6

long but so funny.

Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a

sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down.  He hurries

down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing

a 10 story building.  And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the

window shouting to the firemen below.

 

FIREMAN:  Come on, lady, jump.  We have the tarp here, we'll be able

  to catch you.

LADY:     No....I can't.  My baby, my baby is up here.

FIREMAN:  Throw the baby down, we'll catch him.

LADY:     No, you'll miss.  I can't leave my baby.

 

Jerry sees this and steps forward.  "Hey, I think I can help.  Let me

have the bullhorn."

 

JERRY:    Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco

  49er's.  I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby

  down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living.

 

Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby

down to him.  Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes

and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course.  Jerry sees this

and takes off after the baby.  He hurdles the line closing off the area,

fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over

the car,  and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby.

The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch.

So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two

step and then spikes the baby.

 

Sep 28 2011 11:13PM
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EricaMN.
Posts: 2704 - Karma: 347
how do you circumcise a redneck?



kick his sister in the jaw
Sep 28 2011 11:39PM
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_Mac_n_Steez_
Posts: 259 - Karma: -6
bump
Sep 28 2011 11:58PM
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Bro.J.
Posts: 184 - Karma: 13
There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!!!!
Sep 29 2011 12:02AM
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DJ_KEVIN_KRUMPS
Posts: 43 - Karma: 10
How to you get 15 babys into a bowl?

Blender

How do you get 15 babys out of a bowl?

Tostitos



What did the little German boy get for Christmas?

A G.I Jew and an Easy Bake Oven


Sep 29 2011 12:08AM
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egg.
Posts: 3231 - Karma: 3,477
wow man. very unnecessary
Sep 29 2011 12:10AM
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Trojan~Man
Posts: 1996 - Karma: 1,357
wait? why the fuck was she out of the kitchen?
Sep 29 2011 12:13AM
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.Ian.
Posts: 1568 - Karma: 72
How have I been banned for a sexist joke before and yet all of this stuff gets said?
Sep 29 2011 12:30AM
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POWDER.RANGER
Posts: 1698 - Karma: -24
so yesterday in my town there was a robbery at the police station, some clever sonofabitch took every toilet in the joint.



today, the police were trying to look into this bizzare case but soon realized that they had nothing to go on.
Sep 29 2011 12:42AM
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RalphLauren.
Posts: 710 - Karma: 106
whats worse then finding a worm in your apple?














the holocaust

why do girls where makeup and perfume?














because they are ugly and they smell bad
Sep 29 2011 12:58AM
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wait.what
Posts: 1694 - Karma: 529
I like my women how I like my microwaves, cold on the outside, warm on the inside, and will kill any baby i put inside :]
Sep 29 2011 1:05AM
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wynnyk
Posts: 1638 - Karma: 555
what did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?


















































get in the car Robin.
Sep 29 2011 1:13AM
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ohsmithery
Posts: 24 - Karma: 10
What's brown and rhymes with snoop....





























Dr. Dre
Sep 29 2011 1:24AM
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ganja_enthusiast
Posts: 1119 - Karma: 34
whats the differnce between a dead baby and a ferrari?

i dont have a pile of ferraris in my garage



What is black and blue and hates sex?

the ten year old in my trunk




whats the difernce between an onion and a dead hooker?

i cried when i cut up the onion


what has two legs and bleeds?

half a baby


whats the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?

i take my boots off when i jump on a trampoline

EndFragment

EndFragment

EndFragment

EndFragment

Whats worse than eating a apple with a worm in it?

getting butt fucked by a giant scorpion


knock, knock
whos there?
the police, your family is dead

this one is badd:
what did the blind kid with no arms or legs get for christmas?

cancer



Sep 29 2011 1:44AM
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cubber
Posts: 1933 - Karma: 638
Roses are red, violets are blue. I have AIDS. I'm about to die
Sep 29 2011 5:37AM
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HolySchimmel
Posts: 1601 - Karma: 1,297
Russian, American and German heads of state defense meet in Danzig to discuss about their new submarines.
The russian minister claims that his sub can stay under water for a total of 6 months.
The american minister says "thats nothing, our sub can dive for 1.5 years without any break."
Just as the german guy wants to start, they all hear a trange sound and there is a sub emerging from besides them. The door is opened, out comes an old man crying out "heil hitler" "we are out of gas!"
Sep 29 2011 8:33AM
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HolySchimmel
Posts: 1601 - Karma: 1,297
ohh and this is not meant in an offensive way, I despise Nazis and all they are doing, just thought this one is pretty funny :P
Sep 29 2011 8:33AM
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Rodigan
Posts: 1299 - Karma: 1,859

What you call a mexican who had his car stolen

CARLOS

Sep 29 2011 9:44AM
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