Dealing with the loss of a parent

Shit man. I have no idea what your going through. Vibes man stay strong.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I've never dealt with this, but I pray for you because that scenario runs thru my mind quite frequently. I'm 21 now and as I'm getting older, it is on my mind more often. I could never fathom what you went thru last summer, and I feel for you.

vibes, I cant imagine the pain you're going through. and yea you might want to see a therapist if its still troubling you so much after 6 months. I think that would help

Vibes man, i am sorry to hear of your loss. I personally have never lost a parent. BUT i am more than willing to just listen and be a friend if you need someone to talk to.

wow man, that sucks, im really close with my dad too, i can hardly imagine what you feel like.

I went to a pysch a few years ago for depression, i didnt find it that helpful but she was really nice, and it was deffinately a boost to my day, although i had to work my problems out myself.

I'd say the only thing that really helped me and other people with losses is getting back into your routine, it may sound harsh but its not meant to be, but you have to move on. Im not saying to forget about your dad or stop loving him, but try to get back into a routine with daily stability, a whole bunch of free time will drive you crazy.

hope that helps, 1000th post. vibes.

+vibes man!

best thing i've ever done is just talking about them, the pain never

goes away, but talking about old memories although sad can remind you of the great times you had. both my parents are still around but i've lost a few people going through life. sorry to hear about your loss, but keep on living. maybe participate in some activities the two of you used to do together, it doesnt bring him back, but it can make you feel closer

I feel you I lost my mom 2 years ago to cancer I did drugs.......dont resort to it causes more problems everythings all good now find a good friend to chill with alot and just try to keep your mind off things for the most part ski alot and when you cant find something you really enjoy I started making music

thanks for the suggestions everybody. I haven't gone to talk to somebody yet because I guess I don't feel like it will help that much...but maybe I'll give it a shot. Nothing to lose right?

Dad died 10 years ago, still dealing with it

I find it helps to bring me up sometimes to just imagine they were here to see you in this state. Would they want to see you broke down over it, would they wanna be the reason for disrupting the happiness in your life, or would they want you to pick your head up and press on with a smile?

I had some really really rough days after losing my brothers. Hell I'm still not in a good spot with it at all. Sometimes it helps though to think they're right there aside of you giving you a hearty pat on the back like they used to.

I've never talked to a therapist about it but like you I sometimes consider it. I, like you also like to take part in things I used to do with them and that helps some.

I also find that hanging with and talking about them with their friends or other family members. For instance it's not something I bring up to my friends who didn't really know my brother, but some of his best friends are just as hurting as me over it and also looking for someone to talk to. It's a little different with it being your dad, but maybe if you know some of his friends or have hung with them before and you think they'd be cool hanging with you and talking a bit maybe try that.

It's never gonna be easy or comfortable I think. I never talk about it with friends because it's kind of a conversation killer. Every day you just gotta do your best to be your best and try to not let it keep you tied down. I try to think it has happened to give me inspiration or to use it as a positive influence, no matter how easy it is to focus on the opposite.

Good luck sir, PM me if you'd like to chat further.

Vibes man. I lost my Dad when I was 17 and it was and still is real tough. For me, I cope by just staying active and realizing that I was super lucky to have a great Dad while he was around. It gets rough from time to time but you just have to stay strong.

Hey man, im sorry for your loss, ive gone through the loss of a grandparent, and i was adopted so, that may be the same pain, but just find a good group of friends, mine happend to be from a church, they set me straight, i was never a religous person until i met them, but its nice to have a  shoulder to lean on, so talk to some good friends.

God bless,

Alex

Whats going on man. Shit gets hard. I don't even need to tell you this, I'm sure. I lost my father 4 months ago and it still is pretty painful. I've done a lot of thinking though and kind of come to terms with everything. Which helps most of the time, but there are still those moments when nothing at all helps and the world is shutting down around me. Anyway, I'm pretty sure I know what you are going through, and NS really helped me out. I'm 23 as well, so I can def. relate. Send me a PM if you want to talk, or have questions, or anything. Hell, if you wanna ride together sometime just let me know, I'm from NJ as well. Either way bro, just remember life is a progression, and unfortunately things have to suck sometimes. Remember certain moments when you look back that make you smile. And yes, talking to friends ( and sometimes complete strangers ) does help. At least it makes me feel not alone. Hope this was some help man, and seriously hit me up if you need someone. -Kevin.

i lost my dad when i was nine he fell asleep behind tje wheel and i just coyldnt handle it i took down every thing that reminded me of him un till i was 14 by the way i just turned 15 a month ago just say with your mom she probs is haveibg a harder time with the lost and now suporting you as a sibgle parent i buy all my toys like my skis now my self and well i guess im gettung at is stay with your mom and dobt ask for stuff right now that the best thibg you coyld do

Wow, I'm incredibly sorry. Major vibes. I haven't personally lost a parent, but I lost my brother a few years ago in a skydiving accident. I never saw a specialist, but I did have huge issues coping because I had lost my favorite person in the entire world. My friends are still getting me through it. I can't thank them enough. I still can't go to my mom about it, because it was her son, and I can't bear to see her sad. Sometimes I just like to go for really long drives and listen to music that makes me think of him. Sometimes I just ski by myself until my legs give and I have to stop. It's hard to face the sadness, but it's incredibly cleansing. Sometimes I go for long walks with a friend and just let it all out and that really helps. I don't think that anyone ever completely "gets over it." The feeling of loss will always be there. It's been a few years and sometimes I still expect him to be standing there when I walk in the door. That being said, everyone deals in different ways. Stay strong, time will heal the wounds. I'll pray for you.

First of all, major vibes. It's a terrible thing to go though in general, but to have to go though it at a young age just multiplies how hard it is. I lost my dad 3 years ago when I was 18 on New Years eve to cancer. He'd gotten diagnosed sometime in October and was on a very fast decline. The fact that what happened to your dad was completely unexpected makes it much harder, I would assume.

I think one thing that will make it better is time. I was so down for a while but it's important to try to get back into the swing of things. Just staying busy helped a lot. And talking about it too. For a while after, I couldn't talk about my dad without getting a bit choked up. But, the more you talk about him and just try to remember him as a good person it gets easier to deal with. I never went to a psychiatrist but if you think it will help you then you should do it.

It's important to really focus on the good things because honestly, you're never going to stop thinking about him. I still think about my dad every single day. Not a day has gone by in the past 3 years that I haven't thought about him in some way or another. So, if you can focus on positive things it will make it a little easier to deal with.

Stay strong man, things will get better. Slowly but surely.

my mom died in 07 suddenly. i was away at uni, so i hadn't seen much of my family that year and the years before that. in 3 years, the majority of that time was at school. i had to fly back home with only the idea that something happened to mom, but never had the thought that she was dead. my dad told me at the airport when i met him at the gates. he didn't have much of a choice because my moms dad and my brother were in the car outside.

the days after were a state of shock, the home didn't feel like a home, knowing that you won't get her cooking again or her be the first person you see when you wake up in the mornings. i guess what i did was take comfort in the coincidences that happened, like her favorite song playing on the radio, or the cat walking over top of the radio and turning it on with its paw, and stairway to heaven being the song playing at that moment. at least it was something that i could hold on to that her spirit was still among us. knowing that there could be some divine plan for all of us because of the fact that my mom who was driving at the time, pulled off the 3rd busiest highway in north america to a rest stop park with my dad to give the dog a walk, where she died right in that park. i wonder, what made her pull over? if she didn't could she have gotten in an accident and both my parents been killed?

im not sure about you, if you are religious at all, i myself believe in a higher power, but don't subscribe to the christian ideology, but having a bit of faith in something at least helped me.

i didn't try and numb the thought of my mother being dead with weed or alcohol because it does not allow you to grieve properly. you need to be sober for it, you need to feel how bad it hurts so it will be easier to make sense of things.

i went out west a year later, it is a beautiful place, i found myself far out on the pacific ocean for weeks at a time, and i feel out there, seeing the colors of a morning or evening sunset above the horizon and the awe power of the towering waves below the horizon created this dichotomy that sorta convinced me that theres more to this life, and that perhaps one day i will be with my mom again.

you can do the same, i don't know where you live, didn't check yet, but going out for walks, hikes, climbing a mountain, just experience stuff. don't waste your time, take your fathers sudden death or my moms as a lesson that your time on earth isn't finite. its here and right now. your dad or my mom didn't wake up in the morning and have a chance to strain their ears to listen to the birds chirp or the wind rushing through trees, knowing hours from now that they will be dead. like im sure a patient with terminal cancer who knows their days on earth are numbered, probably would.

remember things your dad did for you or things you did together, eventually and with time you will not get upset, but it will put a smile on your face.

as for going to a doctor, my dad, brother, and i did a group thing, but i don't think it helped us. i prefer to make sense of things on my own and i don't believe that a stranger can help you make sense of the things that only you can truly understand. thats me though, maybe you might find talking to a stranger outside your own family might help. i don't think they are going to help you grieve faster or easier, i think they are just people you pay 100 dollars + an hour to talk to when you have no one else to say those things to. i think you'd be better off free writing your feelings on a piece of paper and or on the computer and not read it for a week and then come back and see what stage you're at right now and how your feelings have changed.

i don't care if what i said has been sappy to some, because i do believe this and until you've been there you don't understand.

I am sorry to hear about my father.

I lost my sister in 09 (she was 22, my age right now), and have had a pretty hard time dealing with it. We were very close.

As far as talking to a professional (psychologist or psychiatrist), I highly reccommend it, as long as you find the right fit. I had to try out a few different people before I found the right fit for me: a psychologist who lost her son, and has the same perspective on death (e.g., takes offense, like I do, when people say "things will go back to normal eventually" or "they are in a better place now").

Above all, be patient and gentle with yourself.

you* father. Major fail on my part.

get a decent job and a gf...and try to be active (go to the gym, play basketball)

im 18 and my mom died 2 years ago in a boating accident, and what worked for me was just talking about the accident. the more i talked about it the easier it became to discuss. i was a junior in high school when it happened and many of my friends did not know what to do, if they should talk to me about it, they were as shocked as i was. i real closing for me was writing the story down and reflecting on all of the good times i had when she was around. even to this day there are time where i just cant keep my mind of my mom and it distracts my day. the best thing to do is be open to talk about it even though u may get annoyed about telling the story so often. just having friends and family are the greatest in times like these.

May sound stupid but keeping a positive attitude about everything is the only way to be happy in rough times. Keep a checklist of things you need to do and want to accomplish. And i found that playing games helped to always be able to go online and talk to friends or meet new ones. Buy an xbox and Live maybe or just game on your PC.

undertake something seriously time consuming and possibly rewarding. My mom got cancer my freshman year of college and she's been clear ever since the surgery but I decided to undertake med school after it happened.

reading this thread is making me tear up :( i haven't lost any parents, but my grandma (mom's mom) has about 3 weeks left in her. i'm gonna miss her :( she has so many awesome stories..

+vibes I lost a friend this year. at first it was easy, oh well he's gone, I'm strong, I got this emotional shit under control. then 2 months later I talked to someone about it and realized actually how much i lost and how much he ment to me. I then failed that and the next units in school cuz I had no idea how to handle what was going on. I knew I had to pick it up quick or I wouldn't get the grades for uni (and I don't think I did) so what I did was talk about it with a friend (who became my gf) she was comforting and helpful. I also feel that leering everything out is really what you need to do to get past that mental block in ur head. I posed my story about him on ns writing it helped open my mind about it too. but what really helped me was to no dwell on it, sure you can think about it but get ur mind off it when u can. when winter hit I was skiing so that has finally gotten me over it. skiing is a place for me where nothing outside the hill matters. it's peaceful and I brought that mentality back to my life and now I'm all good. take what u want from this story. but what I'm rly saying is don't let it get you down, get ur mind off it as much as u can (don't force it) vibes to you and your mom.

listen dont make his life in vain! remember all the good times you had together and smile!!!

That's rough man I'm sorry. But usually when I'm feeling down, which is pretty often lately, talking to someone about how i feel. Just talking. Stay strong man ++++vibes

i lost my dad when i was 9 to bacterial endocarditis.

something as stupid as getting a teeth cleaning when he had a heart murmer... life works it weird ways man. i never knew what to say or do. i bottled up all my emotions for a long time, then in about middleschool it took next to nothing to drive me to extreme emotions. the slightest thing pissed me off and got me upset or made my cry.

id just suggest talking it out with your close friends and family when you are ready.  i know its hard to talk to people who haven't been in that situation before but just try and talk if they truly care. if you need someone to talk to dude, let me know.

stay well

Major vibes man

PM'd.

same here

Vibes, man. Prayers to you.

im sorry for your loss! vibes man, stay sting definitely talk it out, never leave things like this bottled up because it alway makes it harder. My dad lost his dad who was also his best friend when i was younger and ever since then he changed, he never really talked about it.. it changed him so much that my parents split up. but it is key just to not bottle things up inside. if you are having a hard day/night/morning do what you did here oor talk to your mom, brother ,sister anyone it can even be a pet. just talking about it and reflecting on good memories is so key during the process of dealing with things like this. and you know if you don't feel comfortable talking to anyone, write it out in a notebook or type it just get the thoughts,feelings out of your body so you can truly process them. good luck to you and if you ever need encouraging words you can always pm me, just to get some good vibes coming your way. R.I.P to your father, im sure he was a great man.

simple as this, gotta live it day by day, help out the moms, surround yourself with good people and there's nothing wrong with going to see a psychiatrist if you feel that you need it.

Sucks man. I lost my dad to cancer when i was 1 and i dont remember 1 thing about him. Its a really really hard thing to deal with. when i was like 6 i was like mom where is dad and i never even knew he died. its tough man ill say a prayer tonight

my dad passed when i was 8 and now im 16. every year, on the anniversary of his death and his birthday, my family and my aunt get together and just look at pictures of him with us or whatever. then we just talk about him. It helps so much. to be honest, since i was so young when he passed, it didn't hit me as hard as it would now i think. Then again, i'm a really positive guy and i can always look at the bright side of things. There wasn't really a bright side to this but that doesn't mean you need to think about the negative side. Just thinking about how amazing he was and how great of a dad he was is all i need. :)

I lost my cousin/best friend a little over a year ago. I actually didn't realize how amazing of a person he was until he was gone, and so I try to liveveryday in his honor, not missing a beat of life. It is hard for me to talk to anyone about it, and I found keeping a journal helped a lot. It just helped me sort out different thoughts I was having. On bad days I can look through it and smile at all of the memories I wrote about. All these other posts are right on....major vibes.

god guys, i can barely handle reading this thread my heart goes out to anyone who lost a parent at a young age, im so sorry everyone =[ dont forget that they loved you unconditionally and its everlasting

Sad to see how many on here have lost someone close, but it's great to see the advice and support.

My dad was killed in 2006 when I was 16 and it's still, and will always be, hard to believe.  Since he was murdered my family had to deal with the judicial process from the day he died until this past December when the guy was sentenced.  As if losing someone isn't hard enough, the court dates, hearings, and trial were always reminder of what happened as every detail of the crime was covered.

The idea of talking to a therapist or "expert" or going to a support group was brought up many times but I really felt it wasn't for me.  For me, family will always be the best support.  Having extended family around was always a great way to be able to reflect on the life my dad lived.  Hearing stories about my dad from his brother and sisters was always uplifting and just being around those who were close to him always made me feel better.

While I don't really have bad days anymore, I still think of my dad everyday and miss him a lot.  Sometimes little things can remind me of him and get me pretty worked up out of nowhere.  When he was first killed the question I (and everyone else) couldn't stop asking was why did he die.  Over and over I wondered how this could happen to him and nothing made sense.  At my father's funeral mass, though, the priest was able to turn our focus to a better question: why did he live?  Instead of asking a question we had no answer for, we were able to think about all the positive things my dad had done and all the lives he affected.  When I find myself upset I just ask myself the question and I can remember his impact on my life and the lives of others.

I won't get into it much but another thing I did was read more about views on death and afterlife.  I'm a Christian but reading a version of the Tibetan Book of the Dead definitely introduced some new ideas to me which helped me become a little more comfortable with the dying process.

I could talk about a lot more so as others have said fell free to PM me if you want to talk about anything at all.  +vibes again to you and your family and may all who have passed RIP.

My best friend died in an ATV accident a couple days before I left for college. Speaking from experience, it gradually gets better. Actually, I wouldn't say "better", but rather, less painful. Like someone above me said, you really do just have to take it day by day, remember the good times, and just know deep down that your dad loved you. I hope that everything works out for you in the end, I think it will, you seem like you have a good mindset. Just stay strong, and stay positive.

I'm seriously amazed at this thread, in a great way.

Hey man vibes to you x10000