Replying to Open letter to all lange girl contestants

To whom it may Concern,

I am seriously disappointed with all of you. I don’t see how any of you think you deserve to win this contest, in which the popular vote is an extremely important aspect to the judging, by showing off your personalities through pictures and writing up to 1,214 words, as Jess for Plainview, Massachusetts did. Lange Girl is a beauty contest voted on by a bunch of dudes who could care less about what your interests are. You love skiing. Great. No shit you love skiing, it’s not like you would know about this contest if you didn’t ski. I’m sorry but I don’t give a fuck about your most likely passionate story about skiing and I didn’t read Jess’s essay. A Lange girl is a marketing figure. To be a successful marketer you must understand what your audience wants and then make it obtainable for them. In fact, if you want to win this contest, you shouldn’t write anything at all and let your pictures do all of the talking. It shows the people that are going to vote for you that you understand what is being asked of you. In this contest, your life story or proclaiming your love for all things winter is not what your audience wants. We want pictures. Then when you girls finally post your pictures, I understand that you are trying to show off your personality and all, but that is irrelevant and even possibly detrimental to your performance in this contest. I get that some of you are wearing ski boots because you are an aspiring boot model but anyone can model boots. Most importantly, I get that some of you just don’t understand what this contest is about. The popular voting portion of this contest receives votes first and foremost by looking hot. If you want to win, look hot. There is one extremely easy way to do well in the Lange Girl contest and that is to show off your best features: your tits.

Sincerely,
The mother fucking trob.