Could you help me edit/revise my scholarship essay?

I'm applying for a fairly large scholarship, and I would like to know what a total stranger would think reading my essay. It'd be great if you could go through and let me know any impressions or thoughts that you may have, anything helps. I know its not exactly Media & Arts, but I wouldn't get any useful responses in NSG. Thanks!

Link to the scholarship webpage: http://www.tdcanadatrust.com/scholarship/

The prompt:

Write an essay of up to 600 words by you describing your community leadership. Tell us why you got involved and describe whether and how your involvement shows initiative and innovation, the ways your efforts have strengthened others, how long you have been involved and what you think the long-term impact will be. How has your
community affected you? In addition, include a brief description of the range of your other
community activities.

My essay:

As the founder of the Student Sustainability Committee at Prince of Wales Mini School, I created a practical, action-oriented group that focuses on projects resulting in real measurable change. My passion for environmental sustainability paired with my frustrations for the lack of opportunities for youth to act was the catalyst in developing this initiative. I desired to explore the possibilities of a sustainable education system by creating a sustainable school and community legacy for the Mini school, and to empower its students with skills and abilities unavailable in the classroom.

I developed a unique committee structure distinct from the traditional “Environment Club” by incorporating examples from successful organizations and companies. By delegating our over 50 members into 5 main initiatives with each encompassing multiple individual projects, we are able to tackle multiple challenges simultaneously, while ensuring each project receives the care and attention needed to succeed.
Through my position as the Lead Director of the committee, I am now involved with countless projects involving our school and community. These include projects such as: installing photovoltaic panels on the roof of our school and incorporating solar water heating systems into our building; installing a hand dryer to minimize paper waste; installing double pane windows to improve efficiency; partnering with a local university faculty to explore sustainable renovations and building improvements; and maintaing and developing our community garden so not only students, but the entire neighborhood can enjoy the benefits of homegrown food.

Our Sustainable Community Development initiative takes our work one step further. For example, in purchasing solar panels for our school we approach local businesses and households to take advantage of buying in bulk. By purchasing large quantities of solar panels at once we are able to get significant discounts in price from the provider, while maintaining benefits for everyone involved. In addition, we are now working with multiple school districts to develop a model for students to establish their own Student Sustainability Committees from, to taking our successes and applying it at a municipal level.

In the time I have lead this committee since last May, I have seen amazing results from my work. From previously unmotivated students establishing themselves as leaders, to many students realizing their own potential in being able to take their ideas from dream to reality, this has been a truly rewarding experience for me. Inspiring and empowering youth is a theme that resonates with me personally, and something that I believe will become increasingly necessary in our modern society.

I also serve as a Junior Executive member of 1STEP, a local non-profit organization advocating sustainability in the snow sports industry, I initiated a sustainability labeling program, introducing environmental responsibility to an industry that depends on nature for its very existence. The project is similar to an Energy Star or LEED Certification program, encouraging environmentally conscious products and practices in the industry by giving the power of choice to the consumers through a certification and labeling program.

From my role as a Youth Ambassador for the Vimy foundation to my recent involvement with the David Suzuki Foundation as a Community Leader, I constantly strive to empower my peers and inspire them to do better, to aim higher, and to pursue their dreams, however unachievable it may seem. As I move forward in my career, it is my hope that by inspiring youth and providing them with the drive to pursue their dreams, the investment I make will translate into a brighter, more promising future for my generation and the countless others to follow.