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Worst Day Ever.

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Kajex
Posts: 1069 - Karma: 178
This is pretty much just a rant to keep me sane. I've been sitting in the ICU wing of my local hospital for nearly 24 hours now, waiting for my father to pass away. The doctors didn't think he'd even last the night, but here I am. Since I'm next of kin and everything, I've been doing paperwork for his final wishes, stuff like that. And it sucks. In my 22 years I've never felt this lost. I suppose life goes on, and he has been sick, however last week he was apparently fine. And yesterday morning, just unconscious, etc. I know he didn't want to be kept alive by a machine, and the doctors told me there is a 0% chance of him coming out of this alive. I literally just made the decision to stop administering antibiotics, and start a morphine drip. So NS, be thankful for what you do have, because you never know about tommorow.
Sep 27 2010 10:48AM
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Kajex
Posts: 1069 - Karma: 178
Man, my father is seriously the strongest person I've ever met. They estimated he'd be done hours ago, and keep saying it will be any minute now. I'm thinking of running downstairs to grab some food, haven't eaten in about 20 hours. I just hope he doesn't go while I'm not here.
Sep 27 2010 6:17PM
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oldirtypatstard
Posts: 785 - Karma: 331
im sorry bro... i recently lost my uncle and my good friend from middle school and that was extremely tough but i cant imagine what your going through right now. im so sorry
Sep 27 2010 6:21PM
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N.Rosenberger
Posts: 1271 - Karma: 1,621
+ Vibes man.. this is the community you come to when this shit happens.. Having people similar to you in many ways, sort of brings us together as a family. Good Luck man.. Stay strong.
Sep 27 2010 7:46PM
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Chrris
Posts: 568 - Karma: 211
Man ++++++++++++++ vibes, I hope everything gets better for you!
Sep 27 2010 7:52PM
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Abc567def
Posts: 8756 - Karma: 801
vibes, i know it hurts like nothing else but you seem like you have your head and heart in the right place
Sep 27 2010 7:53PM
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The.Ginger
Posts: 978 - Karma: 13
+vibes man that sucks. i couldnt imagine going through that good luck
Sep 27 2010 7:58PM
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Dainsey
Posts: 2263 - Karma: 378
I know what an ICU feels like.
My aunt passed away at 42 earlier this year of a liver disease.
Shits super tough on your family and everyone around you...
Does he have a care page or anything like that?
+++vibes and my prayers with you brother!
Sep 27 2010 8:05PM
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tronned
Posts: 1098 - Karma: 790
I lost my father when I was 18 as well. Our situations sound very similar and I truly have a grasp of what youre going through. I remember the exact moment you are talking about right now, and let me tell you when my father finally let go it felt as if a huge burden was lifted right off my shoulders. Deep down you do not want them to go or leave you, but you know that they have to. My only advice is to true and spill your guts out to him right now tell him everything you have on your mind at that moment otherwise you will never be able to truly articulate how you feel and how much you love him... I feel like I never told my dad exactly how I felt and it still haunts me to this day.

My father passed away on halloween night the year after I had finished high school. I remember getting a phone call from my mom at about 11-12 o'clock at night saying we have to get down to the hospital because dad took a turn for the worse. Me and my brother both dropped everything in a kind of state of panic and hauled ass down to the hospital to see my dad in the care room in horrible semi lucid state. The priest was there reading my dad's last right and pretty much after that it was over. Me and my brother just stared at my mom who was destroyed for a time, to be honest I have no idea how long I just stared at my dad/mom/brother. Eventually I kind of just got up and went out of the hospital for some fresh air to hopefully snap out of it. I just looked up in the sky and realized that it was amazingly lit from the moon and how all the stars were beautiful. At that point my brother came out from the hospital and we just stared at each other a minute and just started crying, and hugged and my older brother just told me " everything is going to be alright, we have each other" and that we have to take care of mom. Pretty much at that point I realized that life will go on, as painful as it is without dad but it just means you got to buck up, bite down and keep on trekking forward. Losing a father/mother really can put life into perspective for better or worse... sometimes youre in complete shock for days/weeks/months/years that "how could something like this happen to me" but everything will work out as it should. Life is life dude, people die and sometimes people who do not deserve to die are taken from you. Keep your head high dude, youre going through a life changing event and it seems like you have a good head on your shoulders, you will come out a stronger man. If you need any advice or someone to talk to, PM me. It may seem stupid but I feel like me and you were dealt similar hands in life and if there is anything I can do for you, I would be pissed if i missed the chance.
Sep 27 2010 8:19PM
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Kajex
Posts: 1069 - Karma: 178
Yeah man, you pretty much hit the nail on the head. I wish I got the chance to talk to him while he was responding, but I sat there for half hour and just said anything anyway earlier. Right now we put the Bears - Packers game on the tv, and I'm about to start watching the last football game I ever will with my father. A pretty fitting end, at least as fitting as one could ask for at this point. Thank you for the heartfelt response, I read it three or four times before I started to respond. I'm glad your family found something good in something so painful as well.
Sep 27 2010 8:36PM
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mxrcr222
Posts: 87 - Karma: 13
He'll always be watching over you. My prayers are with you and your family. Thanks for sharing this, a reality check is something we all need, myself especially.  
Sep 27 2010 8:52PM
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84891jnf92048
Posts: 11552 - Karma: 2,550
honestly, i cam in here expecting some 12-year-old bitching about middle school, but damn, im sorry man. sounds like your dad was a real solid guy, i can't imagine how it feels to be you right now, but i can sure hope that you're doing ok, and that everything works out. +vibes man
Sep 27 2010 8:52PM
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deleted5
Posts: 14507 - Karma: 13,507
come on turn that frown upside down
Sep 27 2010 8:56PM
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84891jnf92048
Posts: 11552 - Karma: 2,550
wow. you're kind of a douche...
Sep 27 2010 8:56PM
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deleted5
Posts: 14507 - Karma: 13,507
fuck i didn't actually read the thread just the tile sorry bro + vibes
Sep 27 2010 8:57PM
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deleted5
Posts: 14507 - Karma: 13,507
no i just read the tile and i thought it would be a post of my car broke down me and my girl friend got into a fight and so on i didn't see it was a bout his dad i do apologize
Sep 27 2010 8:58PM
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Kajex
Posts: 1069 - Karma: 178
It's ok man, it happens.
Sep 27 2010 9:13PM
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no_steeze
Posts: 23992 - Karma: 4,273


maybe that'll cheer you up
Sep 27 2010 9:31PM
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WaterBottle
Posts: 1156 - Karma: 4
i feel you too dude, i only had a father for 6 years so until basically kindergarden.....
Sep 27 2010 9:35PM
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Cthulhu
Posts: 528 - Karma: 21
vibes for sure, i hope you are able to cope with this the best you can, i know it doesnt even come close but i just found out some shit about my biological father that i wish i never heard and my stepdad is in jail for 2 years as of yesterday so ive been going through some shit too, i dont mean to take away from your thread im just strugiling too
Sep 27 2010 10:06PM
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flexpattern
Posts: 1090 - Karma: 45
Im so sorry to hear that :( real sad stuff
Sep 27 2010 10:10PM
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Kajex
Posts: 1069 - Karma: 178
Hey man, we are all in this life together, there is nothing to take away. I'm sorry to hear you are having problems, and hopefully things work themselves out as best as they can. If you need to talk or something, PM me.
Sep 27 2010 10:11PM
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shaggy433
Posts: 13 - Karma: 21
+++++++++vibes. I just went through the same thing with
Sep 27 2010 10:14PM
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shaggy433
Posts: 13 - Karma: 21
+++++++++vibes. I just went through the same thing with
Sep 27 2010 10:15PM
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bob_ham
Posts: 897 - Karma: 11
good luck man. I feel you
Sep 27 2010 10:15PM
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TheStudioCC
Posts: 2092 - Karma: 366
I have absolutely no idea what it feels like to go through something as painful as this, but you and your family will be in my prayers tonight. When you said the thing about watching the last football game with your dad I imagined if that was my dad, and it nearly brought a tear to my eye. Vibes +++ for sure, things like this are inevitable why do bad things happen to good people? Seems like life is a constant war between good and evil.
Sep 27 2010 10:18PM
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Kajex
Posts: 1069 - Karma: 178
Alright guys, I don't know if anyone is following this thread or not, but in case someone is, here is the update I just got. No matter what, without machine assistance he will not live. I know that was one of his final wishes, is that he never be supported artificially. So that is out. However, under the morphine he has actually stabilized a little bit, and now is projected to at least survive the night. My brother and I are drained both physically and mentally from sitting in the ICU for nearly 31 hours straight, so we are going home for a few hours rest, and will be back in the AM to spend however many hours are left. I'm kind of worried about not being here in case something sudden happens, but the overnight doctors have my cell phone and I asked them to call if that becomes a possibility, and I can be here in 15 minutes. Thank you all for your support today, it really kept me going and feeling strong. I sincerely thank NS for being there for me, and if any of you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask. Much love.
Sep 27 2010 10:18PM
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shaggy433
Posts: 13 - Karma: 21
+++++++++vibes. I just went through the same thing with my mom on labor day so i know where you are coming from. It is one of the hardest things that you will have to do in life. If you need anyone to talk to I am here for a fellow skier!
Sep 27 2010 10:19PM
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tuna.
Posts: 2627 - Karma: 111
im so sorry man, but you're handling this in the best way possible. celebrate his life, good luck with everything.
Sep 27 2010 10:19PM
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ch@se
Posts: 790 - Karma: 71
Go get some rest man. You sound like an amazing son that any father would be proud of!
Sep 27 2010 10:21PM
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TACO-DOG.exe
Posts: 11988 - Karma: 12,261
+++++++++++++ vibes
some bob marley always helps me

Sep 27 2010 10:24PM
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PhilboydStudge
Posts: 3431 - Karma: 206
Dude, you are so fucking awesome. That's exactly the outlook you need to have. I don't know your pain, I've never been through something like that, but this is the outlook that will help you move on and grow. I don't know you, but I know that you have a great outlook on life, and that will help you always find happiness. I was just reading Tuesdays with Morrie for a class (I know) but it's actually a pretty good book, the man had some great ideas about how to live and die, like what you said. If you haven't read it, I would suggest doing that now, you could probably finish it in a couple hours, and it really makes you appreciate things. +vibes, I know you'll make it through.
Sep 27 2010 10:25PM
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pigglywiggly
Posts: 4482 - Karma: 305
Yep. Heres some positive thoughts.

really sorry about your dad. Although my father and i dont get along very well, i'd be crushed to lose him. I have no clue what youre even going through and dont want to even try to imagine.
Sep 27 2010 10:36PM
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MAPLE_SYRUP
Posts: 1910 - Karma: 68
Your dad has taught you well man, strong fathers make stronger sons. Vibes to you and your family for having to deal with life's unexpected curve balls. You got it all right, we are on this earth to live life to the fullest, dwelling on what was, or what could have been is a barrier to happiness. Realizing all the people around you that matter and love you is what makes life complete. Get some rest and be there to not only make sure your father is comfortable, but your bro and the rest of your family as well. Hold on to what you have, remember to let go of what you have lost.
Sep 27 2010 10:43PM
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Kajex
Posts: 1069 - Karma: 178
Well, to anyone who has read, posted, related, or been following this thread. Thank you so much for your help. My father, Neil Grant Johnson, passed away around 2:15am this morning. I'm sad, but also happy that his 18 year battle with Multiple Sclerosis, and all the immense pain that brought upon him, is over. I wish all of you could have known him, because he was one of a kind. I'm convinced he waited to move on, til my family and i left for some sleep, mainly because that was his sick sense of humor. Kinda mad I wasn't there when he went, but oh well. I already had said my goodbyes, and come to terms with the situation. But once again, thank you everyone, I love you all, today has given me, if nothing else, a renewed faith in people. I've received so much love from so many of you, through posts or PMs, that its astonishing. If anyone ever needs something of me, I owe you all eternally. My younger brother and I are now having a beer, and just joking about old times, looking through pictures. Tommorow I continue planning the wake, repast, and church service (during which he asked that he not be wearing a suit, rather jeans and a plain black tshirt, with his Harley hat). In accordance with his final wishes, he will be cremated, and my brother and I will spread his ashes at our favorite lake campground in NY, where we go every year. I'm psyched about that, kind of having a sacred place to visit, where I can remember all he was about, and all I aspire to be. Thank you NS, I love you all.
Sep 28 2010 4:12AM
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Kajex
Posts: 1069 - Karma: 178
Well, to anyone who has read, posted, related, or been following this thread. Thank you so much for your help. My father, Neil Grant Johnson, passed away around 2:15am this morning. I'm sad, but also happy that his 18 year battle with Multiple Sclerosis, and all the immense pain that brought upon him, is over. I wish all of you could have known him, because he was one of a kind. I'm convinced he waited to move on, til my family and i left for some sleep, mainly because that was his sick sense of humor. Kinda mad I wasn't there when he went, but oh well. I already had said my goodbyes, and come to terms with the situation. But once again, thank you everyone, I love you all, today has given me, if nothing else, a renewed faith in people. I've received so much love from so many of you, through posts or PMs, that its astonishing. If anyone ever needs something of me, I owe you all eternally. My younger brother and I are now having a beer, and just joking about old times, looking through pictures. Tommorow I continue planning the wake, repast, and church service (during which he asked that he not be wearing a suit, rather jeans and a plain black tshirt, with his Harley hat). In accordance with his final wishes, he will be cremated, and my brother and I will spread his ashes at our favorite lake campground in NY, where we go every year. I'm psyched about that, kind of having a sacred place to visit, where I can remember all he was about, and all I aspire to be. Thank you NS, I love you all.
Sep 28 2010 4:14AM
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Most-D
Posts: 729 - Karma: 1,088
+vibes.
Sep 28 2010 4:45AM
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Abc567def
Posts: 8756 - Karma: 801
Vibes and I'm sorry to hear that he has passed on but from what I have read from this thread it sounds like it was time and that you were all ready for it as best you could have been. You're dad sounds amazing and your family will be in mine as well as many other peoples prayers.
Sep 28 2010 5:04AM
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1337
Posts: 31054 - Karma: 29,246
I'm really really really sorry to hear about your loss man, as of yet I can't even begin to imagine how much pain and sadness you had to go through. Vibes to you and your family as you go through the next couple of days, I know it will be sad. But I'm glad to hear you and your brother are able to remember him for the awesome dad he was and you were able to get some peace of mind during his last few hours alive, and you'll remember that one last football game forever. Again, much love and vibes, and if there is anything I can do to help, shoot me a message without hesitation.

Jamie
Sep 28 2010 5:16AM
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Bukkakeskitrip
Posts: 5677 - Karma: 95
+++++huge vibes dude, i know exactly what you're going through. it will get better though, dont worry.
Sep 28 2010 5:23AM
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maximiliaan
Posts: 7711 - Karma: 2,857
i really feeling with you.
im really sorry for this lost, good luck to both you and your brother.
its really good you still see the good things in life.
keep up bro!
+ vibes
Sep 28 2010 6:47AM
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shr@gler
Posts: 1233 - Karma: 912
Thoughts go out to you bro, stay positive.
Sep 28 2010 6:53AM
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JANGAJONGA
Posts: 107 - Karma: 12
Im so sorry. ++++++++vibes+++++++
Sep 28 2010 7:03AM
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Craze
Posts: 1132 - Karma: 423
You have the best attitude you can have rite now, keep it up man. +++Vibes
Sep 28 2010 7:42AM
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Zimmerman
Posts: 6992 - Karma: 1,021
Dude i feel for you man. I lost 4 important relatives in the last 6 years or so, but i cant imagine what this is like. +Kvibesvibesvibes
Sep 28 2010 8:34AM
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inb4_UMAD
Posts: 651 - Karma: 29
my thoughts are with you
Sep 28 2010 9:06AM
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clark.
Posts: 308 - Karma: 14
+vibes. I can completely understand what you're going through. My uncle had been very sick for the past few years and we got a call last week that he committed suicide. It's very sad but you have to realize that your father will be in a much better place.
Sep 28 2010 9:27AM
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snowisholywater
Posts: 337 - Karma: 57
damn man stay strong. vibes +
Sep 28 2010 11:56AM
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Gary_Busey
Posts: 281 - Karma: 13

I've been following this thread for the last few days and I can only pray that when this happens to me in the future I will be able to keep the mind set you have had through this process.  Your heads in the right place and I believe good things happen to good people, so you've got some good coming to you. 

Celebrate your father's life and stay strong.  Thanks for the inspiration.

Sep 28 2010 12:07PM
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BMB
Posts: 3138 - Karma: 232
vibes and that's so true what you said about being thankful
Sep 28 2010 12:34PM
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quixotic
Posts: 6937 - Karma: 2,978
You sound so strong and brave. Hang in there man. RIP.
Sep 28 2010 1:04PM
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