Member of the Month

je_t.aime_canard
January, 2025

Online

Welcome to the Newschoolers forums! You may read the forums as a guest, however you must be a registered member to post. Register to become a member today!

Give me some input on my song please!

profile picture
Mavrck
Posts: 2765 - Karma: 27
It's rap so if you don't want to listen, please don't waste your time with a comment.

For those of you that would like to help me out. Please give me some constructive criticism on how I could improve the song. This is the first one I've done everything myself chorus and all three verses. My buddy sampled the beat from Everlast and did the rest from scratch.

It's more of a lyric song more than anything. I tried telling a story maybe it worked?

Any input on the beat lyrics, song, flow, would be much appreciated. Thanks!

Here's the Limelinx link:
http://limelinx.com/files/8f0e2f0bb32fe66a831d70b6d7026b47
Sep 4 2010 1:26AM
0 0
profile picture
Mavrck
Posts: 2765 - Karma: 27
somethin got messed in the previous thread.
Sep 4 2010 1:27AM
0 0
profile picture
dispatchQ_main
Posts: 2619 - Karma: 629
oops i wasted your time. and you wasted my time by making me listen to it

Sep 4 2010 1:30AM
0 0
profile picture
[tk]
Posts: 3863 - Karma: 1,906
it's alright, the chorus sounds mainstream cause its autotuned, but other than that it's a pretty dope song.
Sep 4 2010 1:32AM
0 0
profile picture
Mavrck
Posts: 2765 - Karma: 27
wasted less of mine then I did of yours.
Sep 4 2010 1:37AM
0 0
profile picture
Mavrck
Posts: 2765 - Karma: 27
damn I didn't think the autotune was that noticable it's only at like 50 percent. You might be hearing the reverb and the chorus effect? either way I hear what your sayin the style and sound doesn't really match the verses.
Sep 4 2010 1:39AM
0 0
profile picture
Mavrck
Posts: 2765 - Karma: 27
bumppppp
Sep 5 2010 12:28AM
0 0
profile picture
dispatchQ_main
Posts: 2619 - Karma: 629
wait what?
you really are the top gun !
Sep 5 2010 12:48AM
0 0
profile picture
Mavrck
Posts: 2765 - Karma: 27
If by top gun you mean the firearm that is the highest in altitude in a physical list ranging from best to worst. Then yes, yes I am.
Sep 5 2010 12:52AM
0 0
profile picture
nychka
Posts: 1787 - Karma: 61
Damn dude, overall I was pleasantly surprised.

That being said the chorus just kills it (not in a good way) like kills the energy of the song. IMO tone down all the crazy vocal effects and bring some harder hitting rhythmical stuff

Good job stacking vocals, backing yourself, you could maybe throw in some little ad libs or somethin

Drum programming made me want to fall asleep, especially at the chorus, if your going for the big downbeat pulse feel do it all the way. right now it just dragggggggsss

whatever synth/sample is responsible for those strings should be replaced or at the very least fiddled with


your 3rd verse was sick, felt honest and kinda tangent to Atmosphere


All in all, liked your verses alot, just try to find a chorus that provides energy and excitement instead of draining it; one that meshes better and is a breaking point for the vibe you have going in the verse


Hope some of that made sense, take w/ grain of salt
Sep 5 2010 3:22AM
0 0
profile picture
95959
Posts: 2765 - Karma: 370
LOTS of potential man
Sep 5 2010 3:39AM
0 0
profile picture
JibbaTheHutt
Posts: 2132 - Karma: 1,597
i don't usually say this, but i think this should be in media and arts?
Sep 5 2010 5:43AM
0 0
profile picture
LS.
Posts: 1841 - Karma: 858
you have talent just sounded too digital to me.
Sep 5 2010 6:05AM
0 0
profile picture
Hass
Posts: 16 - Karma: 10
nice, i like it a lot. but you have to add some evil claps into the beat i think.

Sep 5 2010 8:35AM
0 0
profile picture
Motherfucka
Posts: 1179 - Karma: 26
When you can hear the words slurring, its too much auto tune.
Sep 5 2010 11:17AM
0 0
profile picture
alpacarider
Posts: 290 - Karma: 42
.
Sep 5 2010 11:22AM
0 0
profile picture
beezey
Posts: 9027 - Karma: 427
potential but you need to clean it up a bit. I like the lyrics your voice just isn't clear which is important in a lot of hip hop.
 For me, I'm super into underground sounding hip hop and you have a lot of different styles in here with your chorus it sounds more underground but beat, auto-tuned singing is really mainstream so pick your style and define it, i will be looking forward to more of your work.
Sep 5 2010 11:22AM
0 0
profile picture
Mavrck
Posts: 2765 - Karma: 27
yea that makes perfect sense. The more i read your guy's comments the more I agree the chorus doesn't fit with he verses. It was originally based on the same kinda melody that the sample's chorus was. If you listen to the chorus of "what its like" by everlast it might sound more obvious, but that was in the very beginning stages of the song just to get something down for the chorus. The input on the beat I'm gonna pass along to my friend who made it. I completely agree its way to structured with the snare snare snare snare snare, he's got a habbit of have super repetitive sounds surfacing in the beat.

Really insightful input thanks my man. You mind if I send you an updated one later on when we fix it for a quick critique before the finishing touches?
+k
Sep 5 2010 11:31AM
0 0
profile picture
nychka
Posts: 1787 - Karma: 61
I'd be glad to give it a listen
Sep 5 2010 12:49PM
0 0
profile picture
Mr.Luke
Posts: 2441 - Karma: 166
Would have ben way sicker without the auto-tune. But nice beat. It's a smooth mix between guitar and rap beats.
Sep 5 2010 1:12PM
0 0
profile picture
Jwalk
Posts: 4647 - Karma: 134
much better than I expected, really liked it.
Sep 5 2010 1:19PM
0 0
All times are Eastern (-5)